What is wrong with me this is tearing me apart?

Question

this is hard for me i am gay i am not gay am i dont know for awhile this has been troubleing me part of me says gay is wrong for example i am on the internet and i like to read sexy storys so i go to look at so gay stories and before i press inter i stop and then i say this is wrong i dont need to do this its not me then i say its ok its normal go on and read but then i fight with my self before peploe say its ok to be gay or bi how can i be gay or bi if there is something telling me that i am not o what to do

Why do people leave there email when u dont know them like pinkstealth id like to e mail her and talk about this but how do i know if she is a gril and how do i know that she or he wont try to come after me

Answer 1

well maybe you're just curious about gay experiences...it happens to a lot of people...you go through this phase where you're curious about what it's like to be sexual with the same sex...I say stop feeling guilty and explore, you won't know for sure until you do...and it seems that the more you refrain yourself, the more you want to do it....
you want to read gay stories, go ahead and read them, maybe you'll find that they turn you off.

Answer 2

These are the two aspects that from yourself manifesting themselves: Nature (where your inborn interests are) and Nurture (the things you have been taught by others).

You can be bi or gay or asexual or whatever you are and still feel that there is something "wrong" about it until you accept who you are, whatever that is.. If you merely read the stories, is that going to "make" you gay? Of course not.

This is an internal dialogue that most gay people have been through. Most straight people have not -- but some have.

Make a list of things you believe about gay people adding why you think it is wrong. Now add to that where you think you may have heard those ideas. Do any of them come from your feelings? Do they come from other people? Which are the most important to you? Which to you think are the ones that other people are responsible for?

Only you can come up with the answers for yourself -- whatever the answers are.

Answer 3

OK,

Let me start this by saying that people, myself included, leave their email addresses because they want to help you. Your reaction to pink whatever is a little scarey. How do you know she is a girl??? Why do you care, its online? How do you know she won't come after you?..... That's plain wierd. You can't find anyone from online -- and expecting that someone will is pretty clearly paranoia. Paranoia is not healthy.

Which brings me back to your struggle. I know that you have at some point been partially brainwashed by either your parents or religious extremists -- that's the reason part of you (its called the super-ego in psychology) tells you its wrong. In a super-simplified form, an explanation follows:

Let me give you a very brief breakdown. The subconscious is divided into three sections id - superego - ego.

The Id is the part of us that is very straight forward, very lustful. It wants food, it takes food; it wants sex, it takes sex, etc.

The Superego is the part of us that is societly trained. It says "no you can't take the food, it belongs to someone; no you can't take the sex, that isn't right. ;etc."

The Ego balances the two. It says "work for the food; love the person you are having sex with. Etc."

Sometimes one of the two (id, superego) becomes too strong for the ego -- usually that's the superego. So it starts adding things to its "don't do that its wrong" litany. it says "don't read dirty stories and play with your peepee -- its wrong," and even though the id really wants to do something, the ego is not strong enough to bring balance. The stronger and more overbalancing the superego gets, the more it adds to its list. Sometimes this just leads to fanaticism or weird and nuerotic behaviors, but often, over time, it leads to various forms of insanity.

Sexuality, of whatever type is normal.

Having something telling you that you are not gay or bi -- when you clearly have the desires to be -- seems to me to be a textbook example of an overgrown superego that has been taught by someone somewhere that gay is bad. It also seems to me that it is causing you a lot of pain and that you hurt inside. Fighting with yourself does not indicate you aren't gay, if anything it indicates that you are. If you weren't at least bi, you wouldn't even like the stories -- honestly. I can't stand straight porn, and far from turning me on, it makes me sick to my stomach -- and I'm gay; it is no different in reverse.

*hug* There is not much I can do beyond the explanation I just gave, personally. I recommend however that you go to a professional. If you are old enough and if you have insurance, call your carrier and ask to be recommended to a psychologist who is board certified in the American Psychological Association. Be very open with him or her -- tell them everything you've told the listserv, and if you want, show them this post. I could easily be wrong on my diagnosis, it was only a minor in my first degree -- but a professional in the field will not be wrong -- and a professional may help you find peace with who you are.

If you are not old enough or do not have insurance -- maybe even if you do -- in addition to what you do otherwise --- look yourself in the mirror naked in the morning before you shower and say to yourself three times "I like who I am, I embrace all of myself and I believe in me. Whatever I am I will be and light and life will follow me."

Peace,

Reynolds Jones
Schenectady, NY
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Answer 4

What you need to do is look at what is tearing you apart. Are you suffering from internalised homophobia? Are you religious? Are you worried about being different to everyone else?

Choosing your label is not something which you have to do at a set time, nor are you committed once you choose a label. My friends wife once dated a guy who thought he was gay (until he fell in love with her). That guy felt a lot of confusion over the issue, and this confusion was caused by society insisting that he could only be gay or straight.

Here is a simple question: "If you are gay, then would it be a problem? If so, then what?" List the problems - how many of those problems are self-imposed, and how many of them revolve around someone else? (e.g. family, friends, society, God)

The purpose of the question is not to make you gay, but to try and understand what your anxieties are.

If you turn out to be bisexual or even straight, then no harm has been done.

Answer 5

The important thing to remember in all of this is to be true to yourself. Only you know what is right for you. Now with this being said, it could be that you are only curious about being gay. It is normal for a person to have fantasies of what it would be like to be with someone of the same sex. Any one who says that they have not done so would be a liar in my opinion. You need to search deep inside yourself. Listening to your heart will give you all the answers you need. Take some time and really examine yourself on the inside. If your heart tells you this is wrong, then by all means listen to your heart. However, if it is something you feel that you need to explore more, then by all means do it.

It seems to me that you have a conflict that will not be easy to solve, and I'm not sure that anyone can solve it but you. Just take some time and explore your own feelings. There is nothing wrong with being gay, bi, or straight. You have to make the choices that will make you happy and complete with yourself. No one else can do it for you.

Answer 6

oh my god , i have the exact same problem , i mean when I'm looking at pictures and things like that on the net, and when i'm with a guy i feel it okay to be gay and it really what i want to be and i feel as my self when i am being gay , and a min after that i feel that being gay is wrong and that i will go to hell if i continue to do this
and i don't know what to do about it , i even posted a Question here and they all like said being gay is not normal and that i could stop any time , but i think it is crap , i think that , you know what i still don't know what to think or do , i really don't know
but i think i should try being with a girl and see how that is , coz i never been with a girl and i have never been attracted to one , and if that all does not work out i think i would go back to my normal self and hope that god would forgive me !!!!!!!!!

i know i did'nt help but i just wanted to share that with you

Answer 7

well i think you are whatever you wanna be ......being str8 seems to be the easyest way, bi is not far from str8 and then theres gay ....thats the hardest way to be but you shouldnt be guided by labels , so just do what you think is good for you....i like boys right now that probably makes me gay but if we worry about these sorts of things all the time whats gona become of us.....will you really enjoy life, will you experience happiness if you let all the unanswered questions rule your life? some things are meant to remain unknown, we're not god you know, remember what happened to lucifer when he attemted to be god. absolute knowledge wasnt meant for us, we have to find happiness and you'll find it through love :)

Answer 8

hmm you need therapy dude I have tried to give you advise several times but it is always the same. I feel for you deeply. You seem like a nice guy but you live in a constant state of fear. before you do something you will regret for the rest of your life please get help see a professional. I beg you to do this man. If you are gay then therapy will help you if you are bisexual same thing but if you don't get help you will live like this until you die. I don t think you are able to help yourself. Please I can't beg you enough man. You are so conflicted. I am really honestly worried about you man.

Answer 9

As a Lesbian, I have a very similar story. I can remember as a child having homosexual feelings. Then when I got older to relise what they were, I tried to push it away. I slept with all kinds of different men to make myself not gay, I got addicted to drugs and alcohol (clean now for 6 mo). And all of that came to one final understanding........I AM QUEER! I have lost family over it, yet I have gained a stronger relationship with others. I have built a family of people who are lgbt and I am happy. I remember those times when I cried to god "why did you make me like this, take it away please" and I feel foolish. I am what I am. And I love it.

Answer 10

Quit, trying to fight whether its wrong or not, and decide how you REALLY feel. Are you attracted to the opposite sex, WITHOUT the gay erotica? If not, more than likely you are not gay. It is who you actually want to have sex with, not necessarily what you fantasize about.