~*~Coming Out To The Family~*~?

Question

okay,im sure youve heard this question a million times, but i need help so bad that im in tears when i think about it.
my family isnt the most understanding. my parents "try" to be supportive but all they do is backstab you and talk about every lil thing about you on their mind. and im scared to death that when/ or if i come out to them, ill be the butt of their cruel jokes. and they treat gay/lesbian members of the family awful! and im so frightend that will happen to me.
im just in a place i feel i dont belong and im lost. can you help me?

oh...and i am 16 :(

Answer 1

First you have to be sure about yourself, once you have accepted the fact that you are gay and there is no way of changing the fact then you have to be strong, because over the years to come you will hear all sorts of jokes and comments that are cruel, but are based on ignorance. You have to understand, that you have had time to become used to the idea of being gay, and probably have for some time, but when you come out to your family, this will be the first time they have had it confirmed and it will take them time to get use to it. First level with them, just sit them down and level with them, don't do what most gay people have done in the past including myself and that is to try and hide it, because you can never get away from it. The next thing to do is to be the man that you are, being gay doesn't mean you have to be a pansy, you can still be the man you know you are and the man they thought you where going to be. Move out as soon as you can and avoid contact with them for a few months, this does two things. 1. it gives them time to discuss, fight, backstab and blame each other, without yuo having to hear it or feel guilty about it, because you didn't choose to be gay, you where born that way, and anyone who says other wise is a bloody idiot.
2. This gives you time to explore your sexuallity without the fear of being caught with your pants down by your parents.
16 is young, but at 16 I knew I was a raging queer, but it wasn't until I was thirty that I levelled with my family, during this time I explored straight relationships, gay one night stands, sauna's etc... But in the end I faced my fears and relized if I didn't level with my family, I would never have a chance of being happy with my own life and to me my life is the more important that the embarassment I caused my parents. For ten years I have lived in a gay relationship and now my family accept my partner as a part of the family, they now accept that they are not going to get grandchildren but now they have had the time to relize that I hadn't change, I was still the son they had 42 years ago, good luck kid, but careful there are some crazy mother----- out there, but be happy and have fun

Answer 2

You should follow the link in the source field to PFLAG's website. From there you'll be able to contact the local chapter in your area. They specialize in helping gay teens come out to their famlies and provide support for the families and friends as well. On another note I'd just like to say I'm not that much older than you and I was the same way with my parents. The idea of the conversation to me was really scary but no where near as bad in reality as to what I had built it up to be in my mind. But at the end of the day keep in mind that coming out to someone is a deeply personal decision and no one can tell you when you are ready to come out. If you decide your ready then do it, but if you think you're not ready for it yet then don't come out, it's your life, your decision and no one can blame you for it. good luck!

Answer 3

I am also 16 and I have the same problem that you have. The only thing that I could ever say to you right now is to continue on hiding in the closet. Just wait a few years. I tell you, it is gonna be worth it. If you worry what your family might think, just don't give a crap about it. Let them say anything they want. They have that freedom. But try to let them know later that they don't have the freedom to choose what their son should be. It's either to kiss it with acceptance or loose it.

Answer 4

As long as you know its OK to be gay, you will be ok in the long run. My advise is that there is no hurry for your parents and family to find out. Depending on their understanding about others being gay, I would just wait a while. There is no rush. Plus at your age, most other kids are too young to understand...so maybe just hold off for a couple of years. Good luck!

Answer 5

You don't say how old you are, and I can't guess your situation - how independent you are, you financial status, etc. - but being able to walk away is one of the most important points I've seen for gay people. It's not just the strength to walk away from rejection that's important, it's the ability.

First, if they do react badly and throw you out, you will need to be self-supporting. Second, if you are capable of walking away and being self-supporting, they may be less inclined to lose you because they can't force you to stay. If you have the means to take care of yourself, it's harder for them to exert control over you.

If you're still too young to be independent, my best advice is to talk with other people, find out their experiences in dealing with their families. If you look, you can find books or web pages of others experiences and get some advice from people who have been in your situation.

Answer 6

find an Outreach center in your area and get some feedback from your peers. Here is a link to my cities Outreach. Maybe you could call and find out if they have something like this in your area. If not I am sure someone there can help.

Answer 7

if you already can see how your parents treat other homosexual ppl are you still sure you wanna come out? maybe it's better not to do so? I did, even tho I wasn't sure about how my parents will react (check out my questions), actually I haven't slightest idea! and it tyurned out to be veeeery, veeeery bad, I haven't imagined it in my worst thoughts. so you see.. if you know what your parents think about homosexuality and what's more you can see how they treat such ppl, are you sure you wanna be treated this way? are you sure you wanna come through this and in the end be treated awfuly?? I'm sure you don't want..
if you wanna talk, email me.
good luck!!

Answer 8

Your life is your own. Do all your family members share their sexual preferences with you?
As long as your behavior towards them and theirs towards you is unchanged, I don't see why they should know who you are sleeping with.
All the best!.
st

Answer 9

Move out first...that way you won't have to hang around and listen to their ****.

Answer 10

just say it