what do you think of this?

Question

Light one night,
While it was very dark.
I was walking in the park,
And I heard sound.

I rushed to see the source,
It was a girl.
She was as beautiful as a pearl,
And she was crying.

I asked her the problem,
She said it was love.
She was left for another dove,
I sat down and comforted her.

I asked her name,
She said it was Jen.
I asked her when,
She was left for another.

She replied,
A week ago.
And she misses him so,
And she started to cry again.

I left,
And I came back.
With me was a pack,
A pack full of roses.

I gave her the roses,
And asked her not to cry.
She looked at my roses, then in my eye,
And she stopped her weeping.

She stood up,
And hugged me.
She smiled and filled with glee.
She had found a new love.

A kind gesture,
Gone a different way.
She is with me to this day.
I am hers and she is mine.

I will never leave her,
For she is my love.
She is my dove,
And it is her I love.

Answer 1

actually that was great! it is more like a rhyming story of your life than poetry for all to enjoy,however: i bet your dove loves that stuv

Answer 2

Love is not the answer
To all it seems my dear
But once our eyes are open
There should never again be fear.
For dark nights can upset you
But standing from afar,.
Look up and see in the sky..
There goes a shooting star.
A rose was promised once before,
But it was never given,
What makes you think a pack of them,
Will solve the unforgiven?
If you have thoughts of being
Only hers for all time
You need to start giving
Much more than just a rhyme.
It's called some time together,
May only be a start,
But nonetheless it might bring
A beating in one's heart.
Sincere thoughts be with you,
Hope you will see the light,
Always remember a true love,
Will withstand a lover's plight.
I hear the train whistle blowing,
It's going full speed ahead,
The time will come when Europe,
Shall forever be your dread.
So hop aboard while you have a chance,
And live beyond recall,
Just don't dare look back or you shall see,
The end for you when you fall...........

So how's this one???????? dig digi.......*itsimpossible*

Answer 3

The rhymes are like grammar school but definitely better than "last night" and the story is also sweet... why can't we just give points directly, hm?

Man, you must be feeling into this really deeply, right???

Your Jen but switched focus really fast from her ex, ha?

Answer 4

Love story of dove , beautifully narrated, Bravo!!

Answer 5

needs a slightly broader vocabulary. some of the words whilst rhyming dont kinda sit right, they seem like they were choosen because they rhyme.
other than that v.good :)

Answer 6

awesome poem! but i dont think the first 2 lines make sense cuz its like light but dark? u kno? but other than that it was great

Answer 7

that was nice .ienjoyed ur story im so happy 4 u both

Answer 8

i like it very much....but did you mean to say late on night instead of light one night?

Answer 9

Very Sweet and mushy! She will love it.

Answer 10

Good!