My hubby was deployed; I was pg with his second...he found anther army chick he met at a school...they started emailing and exchanged many conversations...he started to shut me out (at the time I wasnt aware she was there for him)...he shared sexual pictures and intamate details about himself and his life that he never even shared with me. They both said they loved eachother...and made plans to meet...they say they never did though....I am soooo hurt; I wonder why and how he could do this and why I didn't see it...but most importantly I wonder how I should view this...is it an affair....how do I deal with it?
2006-06-17 16:31:01 · 15 answers · asked by hotmom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, when you take your marriage vows you say that you that you will take this person "for sickness and health...forsaking all others." Forsaking all others means just that, you will remain emotionally and physically devoted to that individual only.
If you were dating a person but were not having sex, would you not still say that you were in a "relationship." Yes, and the reason is that we all acknowledge that being in a "relationship" means much, much more than the physical aspect.
Therefore, to say that b/c we did not have sex I did not cheat on you is entirely wrong. He needs to own up to the situation. I am not saying your marriage is over, he needs to face what he did and you both need to start rebuilding the trust so that healing can take place. I wish you the best.
2006-06-17 16:49:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for you and like you the same thing happened to me. In fact I was writing my question and then found yours. Being a man and being on the receiving end is no different than what you are feeling. It is cheating and there is no amount of justification that will change that. If he purposefully ignored your feeling and hid this activity from you, what else can you call it. If it were innocent he would have told you all about her. He chose not to and it looks like it got the best of his emotions. I can't answer what to do because that is your choice. If he loves you and can prove it, I'd say it's worth trying. Love, when its happeing, is magical. But just like magic it really is just an illusion. True love is respect above all else.
2006-06-17 17:11:12 · answer #2 · answered by art_fart 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard question to answer I too am going through a similar situation with my wife and her im's with other men and found out some stuff that I didn't like. The only advice I could give you is to seek marriage counseling even if he doesn't want to go you could make that step first and hopefully he will follow. Good luck and I wish you the best.
2006-06-17 17:34:27 · answer #3 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If someone has to sneak to do it, it's a class A affair. It doesn't have to be physical, but emotional. Sharing your inner most thoughts and feelings and fantasies is a very personal thing to share, and the fact that he didn't share them with you, is indeed a sucker punch to the gut. Sweetie, it's cheating. I would suggest counseling. I wish you nothing but luck.
2006-06-17 17:17:46 · answer #4 · answered by carolscreation 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is definitley and online affair and cheating! Plans to meet can become a reality too if this continues. He is committing adulter in his heart and mind already with her so it is cheating!!!! If it continues and he does not change or want to break it off with her then you have grounds for separation and divorce here. But if he breaks it off with her and is sorry and wants to work on the marriage then try to work it out with him.
2006-06-17 23:51:23 · answer #5 · answered by Fast Steve 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe there are more ways to have an affair than to actually sleep with one another. Seems he had a type of emotional affair. Trust that has been breached is a difficult thing to rebuild, but, not impossible.
2006-06-17 16:41:54 · answer #6 · answered by suzie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a woman I do indeed consider that to be an affair of the emotional type b/c he share intimate things with her that you didnt even know
2006-06-17 18:43:39 · answer #7 · answered by vonettawilson 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a tough situation. Yes, your hubby cheated with his heart and mind, even if he didn't cheat with his body. However, you owe it to yourself and your kids to try to work it out, with the help of a marriage counselor.
A good marriage takes work for both the husband and the wife, if he is willing to work at it, give it a try.
2006-06-17 17:41:50 · answer #8 · answered by pinkprincesstris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does sound like an affair, at least thats what a woman would think.
from a man's point of view, unless there is sex involved he won't consider it an affair.
eitherway, he is already out the door, if not physically, then emotionaly.
2006-06-17 16:37:27 · answer #9 · answered by bob II 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well lets see , he wants to meet her, he sends her sexual pictures, he shares deep dark secrets, he emails her, he is shuting you out.yeah i think he is cheating. when you spend more vtime emailing another women thats not your wife ,how you want to meet and sending picutres of a sexual nature , , you dont deserve this guy especially if he does this when you are pregnate why would you want to be with him.dump him and move on. you don needo be with a guy that leaves you emotionally for another women.focus on yourslef and your baby and forget him. he isnt worth it.good luck.
2006-06-17 16:48:26 · answer #10 · answered by Christina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋