What can I say to help with the abandonment, self esteem, trust, an loneliness issues. He lets child know, he is having a family party, but "you" can't come. Child keeps hoping, I say he loves you to his best ability, and his ability is not as great as other dads you know. What else can I say? He has told child he wants to give up his parental rights, so he doesn't have to pay child support. Blames child for his present shaky marriage being shaky, as to why he choses to not be there for this child. I am too worn out to go looking for a new man to replace the dad this child's never had in her life, except here and there to his selection of times. With father's day tomorrow, child wants to reach out again. I know he is having the rest of the family over, one of them told me he planned it over 3 weeks ago, and he doesn't intend to spend a moment with this child. How do I distract child from trying to be a part of his day tomorrow, so no pain is felt? Child will be 12 soon.
2006-06-17 14:53:33 · 5 answers · asked by Keds 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have no other family. Big broth/big sis did participate and helpful Great program, but not long term. Positvie male role models in teacher this year, & first male trusted to get close since the dad. Live in an apt complex, some men here know a little of situation, and provide positive input in my presence to child. Thanks for the support so far, I'm hearing great things. Plz keep em going, I really need this input!
2006-06-17 16:02:21 · update #1
I hurt so badly for this child - but it happens more often than you know. When I divorced, my daughter was going to be 12. She wanted so badly for her dad to be part of her life, but his own anger from the divorce was so great that he couldn't put anything aside for the sake of his kids. It took my Dad to blurt out in anger one time "Face it - Your father doesn't want you!" It hurt her to hear it and it hurt him to say it - but the strange thing was it also made her face it and put her on the road to acceptance and healing. Hers and my relationship strengthened and her dad is still no different. She's now 21, and is able to see him for what and who he is. If he's there for her great - if he's not, she's not heartbroken from wanting but not getting it. I have to add though, it's not because I ever kept him from her. And now that she's older, she understands why I did what I did when I left him. Not being there for his kids was a huge part of it. I really hope the best for you and your child. The road is long and rocky, but not impossible. Raise your child the best you can with what you have. And trust them that they grow into an understanding that can and will bring them peace.
2006-06-17 15:27:38 · answer #1 · answered by socalmom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Believe me you can't stop trying to explain to your child about his father and if you notice I didn't even call him daddy because anyone can be a father but it takes a special man to be called Daddy in the eyes of a child. He is old enough to know how he feels about him and explaining it only makes it worse for him. Tell your ex either he starts acting like a daddy or else he needs to stop making excuses for his sorry self. You need not try to make up for his actions, because your son knows your doing your best. Just be there for him when he needs you. Best Of Luck
2006-06-17 15:30:44 · answer #2 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't --- there will be pain and your child will have to learn how to deal with it --- have you tried getting him/her into a BigBrother program or talked to your male relatives about being a father figure?
If the father wants nothing to do with him/her then find someone who you know and trust to be a positive male role model...do not allow your child to sit by and suffer --- that will only make things worse
2006-06-17 15:27:57 · answer #3 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is twelve so by now you can stop making excuses for this sorry piece of sh#t.
Sit down and explain you and his father have made some mistakes. Tell him you intend to be there for him going forward, but it's up to his father to show interest.
JC - What an a$$hole on second thought just find a friend to kick his a$$!
2006-06-17 15:00:15 · answer #4 · answered by hotsauce22777 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look you give us teen/ pre teens bad they have to learn that he is never gonna be there for them tought get over it my dad abandoned me and my sis when we were lil and my mom is the best mom/dad in the world u have to tell them move away divorce him they will get over him. b/c if u dont u will get lo estem children think about it. I know it sounds mean and all that but that life.
2006-06-17 14:59:08 · answer #5 · answered by Latina2good4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋