what u think....?

Question

when u left this earth...
>
>
>
the sky was dark that day
you left us all here to stay
behind closed eyes, the light
we can not see
only by you is it seen
door to life for you closed
the door we cant see
for you, has opened
the sky is still dark above us
will light eva come to us?


*the forgoten heart
<
<
<
we cry
and we die
some day
it always seems to work out dat way
get our hearts broken
then get forgoten
so we just cry
and wipe our eye
crowl inside
and hide
so no one sees
no one knows
our feelings
like these
so there is goes
out heatrs closed
so they wont get broken
once again

(what i saw was lies
~
~
~
in him i saw
the one that would care
the one that would be near
i finally relized, what i saw
was a jackass acting
like he felt the way i was feeling
glad i saw
the true him
but it just took to long for
me to see the real him
and i found out
it was her he longed for
so to the boy i saw
i say goodbye

Answer 1

Good job. You might work on certain spellings (i.e. saying "dat" instead of "that") and also use that spell check button, as you would be more publishable that way. Otherwise, I think you did a great job expressing yourself. I would suggest that you keep writing and sharpen your skills. You may go very far with it! Good luck to you! P.S. Yahoo does have several writing groups that you might want to check out to get some better and more consistent feed back.

Answer 2

This is not a poetry forum. Maybe someone else will be impressed, but this is not the right place for your sad, sad poem.

Sorry you are hurting, but not appropriate place for this.

Answer 3

Sorry for your loss,go to Poetry.com

Answer 4

thats good can u send me some about love.Heres my Mail Address,[e-mail]. I will love to have one about love.

Answer 5

Oh me I dont think nothing.....