Why do people who have kids think that people who don't are missing out on something? WE AREN'T?

Question

EXTRA CASH? VACATIONS WITHOUT SOFTBALL GAMES AND BOYSCOUTS. OH DID I MEANTION EXTRA CASH AND NO IMPENDING COLLEGE COST.

Answer 1

Maybe because (unlike you ) they have seen both sides of the coin (I use money because it is your main concern). So they know that you are missing out on an amazing experience. You should be glad your parents didn't have your views.

Answer 2

There are benefits to both. I admit I am jealous of those without kids at times. The financial and social constraints alone are challenging. Emotional demands and scheduling are also a drawback.

The positive nature of kids is that they do surprise you when they use information and thoughts you gave them at an early age as though they were their own thoughts in future years. In this way you know you have influenced the world and part of you will live on once you are gone. It is also nice to know someone will come to your funeral.

Why do people say you are missing out...you are on both the good and the bad...and usually if someone tell you that, what they should be saying is that kids are missing out by not benefiting from what you could offer them

Answer 3

Hello from another childfree person. I'm a teacher, too (second career), so when I tell people what I do and they ask if I have kids, I get a lot of strange looks from the more conventional and traditional sorts.

People who think this are BNPs -- breeders, not parents. Breeders are the kind of people who let their kids run wild, don't discipline, don't really care, don't have the skills to set limits and be firm, fair and consistent, and who follow the script because that's just what's done. Later on when they realize how much work kids are, and how much effort and money and time it takes to raise civilized human beings, a lot of breeders become very jealous and envious over those people, parents and the childfree, who made a thoughtful decision based on their needs and wants.

Breeders envy parents who started later or who limited the size of their families to just what they could handle. Breeders envy the childfree because we decided that kids just didn't work for us and we had other priorities in life.

Everyone makes choices in life, and when you make a choice, you are inevitably giving up certain things while getting to do other things. It all depends on your priorities and desires in life. People who focus on others to blame or accuse them really aren't satisfied with their own lives; after all, someone who's truly happy is too busy and happy and productive to worry about what other people are choosing to do with their lives, much less blame them for something they didn't do.

So, when people castigate others for not making the same choice they did, you know a few things are at play. Mainly, misery loves company, and they are envious that you are not part of the Misery Club. Also, what people really can't stand in themselves, they often project onto others because they can't stand to face or own that in themselves. In this case they didn't make the most thoughtful choice and you did, so you represent everything they wish they had done with their lives -- up to and including not having children, although being a breeder, they'd never confess that. Remember that Ann Landers polls and several other independent polls that said that if people had to do it all over again, 70% would not have had kids. That's telling.

I'm convinced there are those who are natural parents, who have just "always known" that having children and raising them to be good people was part of their path. There are also the vast in-between, namely people who got pregnant and who did the best they could. Some grew into being good, competent parents, and others -- well, the others are why we have the foster care system, Child Protective Services, and where all those statistics on child abuse, child neglect and child murder come from. There's a vast range in there from excellence to competency to incompetency and abuse.

And then there are the childless, people who wanted kids but who couldn't conceive or carry to term, and who may view not having children as a loss. Sometimes these infertile people make the jump into being childfree. The childfree are those (like me) who never wanted kids, never had any kids, and who had other priorities in life. There are even early articulators (I'm one) who knew from childhood that parenthood was not for them and that never wavered into adulthood.

Enjoy your life. Do what works for you. Don't let the petty, envious bull from small people get you down. You sound childfree to me. I figure it like this: if you want children in your life, there are lots of ways to make that happen other than having one of your own. And if you don't want children in your life, no one says you have to. Life is for living, not conforming to the demands of social fascists.

Cheers, K (teacher, traveler, lover of good sex and sleeping in, who likes working with teens and who loves even more coming home to a quiet, peaceful house)

Answer 4

Well it's something you have to experience for yourself, but really, I understand where your coming from. My teenage son is draining the life out of me some days. But kids are a labor of love. That's all I can tell you.

Answer 5

1) Why does it bug you so much?
2) You are, in fact, missing out on many things. You listed several. There are many more, some of which are actually positive aspects.

Answer 6

Oh yes you are..... In a few years thing will really get rough and it will be like the depression years. You Single or couples with no kids will really have it made. (Compared to couples with kids ) Wait and see.

Answer 7

Of course you're missing out on things! Things like:

Stress
Mess
Loss of personal freedom
Aggro from other parents when your kids get in a fight
Sleepless nights
Disobedience
Abuse

The list goes on... :-) Of course, you're also missing out on:

Hugs
Lots of love
Heart-warming innocence
Fun and games
Joy in your offspring's achievements
The chance to pass on something of yourself to future generations.

A child-free existence certainly has its appeal though! :-)

Answer 8

Also...nobody to take care of you when you are old, to visit you in the nursing home...nobody to tickle on Sunday mornings piled in bed, no sweet laughs, no off-key renditions of Jingle Bells sung LOUD at school concerts, etc etc

Answer 9

well if i understand ur question correctly.......i'd say they are the ones who are missing out on the things that are more important than the extra cash and those other things

Answer 10

am not a mom but i can understand why they think that
because they discovered something new in their life and emotions that was never there
and its beautiful in a way because its filled with love and your living for something at last after just living for your self that you cant satisfy after a while so ya i guess i wanna experience that one day

love you mom