should a husband divorce an openly cheating wife and lose the children or stay as a family because of them?

Answer 1

There is likely so much more in this situation.

It is never so simple or "black and white" an issue.

How about seeing a therapist or two or three or four...to search for the underlying causes and see if there are solutions. If the problems can be resolved, it could be of immeasurable valuable to the children. Spouses rarely cheat for no reason. Is she crying out for attention, to get some of her needs met? Has she been asked to sacrifice herself, and to provide for others what no one provides for her?

Was the commitment to a marriage made wisely, with forethought, between equals? What is left out of the presentation of the case? Can there be a solution that serves the needs and desires of all?

Regardless of how the marriage fares, make it a point to not criticize the other spouse to the children, Hearing negative statements about their parents is so very harmful to their psychological development. They take this information in to their own developing identity.

Do all that you can to help their needs be met, financial, material, emotional, and spiritual. Help them have and feel secure in their surroundings, and in the love of each of their parents.

Never make them a pawn in a game of competition.

Answer 2

Wife Openly Cheats

Answer 3

"Openly cheating"? Does that mean she cheats and then tells you about it? Or that both of you know and accept that she will see other men?

Either way, I can see you are against it. I don't know the background on this but I'd deal with that issue first. Can it be resolved? Maybe more importantly, do you want to resolve it? Obviously it's causing you great pain. Does she know about it? Is it habitual? Does she want to stop? Does she know you feel that continuing this way may lead to divorce?

Children are resilient but we should be all part of a trusting, caring environment as much as possible. Make the choice for yourself first based on maturity and discussion.

I'm sure they'd much rather see a happy daddy instead of an unhappy one. If that means divorce, so be it but do consider discussing it with your wife and a perhaps a counselor familiar with this kind of situation.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Your dignity,as a man is gone no respect You are harming the children more by staying,children,aren't slow there well aware of there surrounding,and if the situation is as open as you say neighbors know and adults talk (gossip) and children hear,so what if one of the children hurts you children feeling by stating that there mom is cheating on there Dad.Please don't continue to live this dysfunctional,life for the children sake.A family is considered nurturing happy,and unless you guys are great actors its been blown out of the water a long time ago Make your self happy,and your children will be happier in the long run,they will know that you aren't the bad guy ,when there old enough to understand.And don't believe that old saying its cheaper to keep her,your peace of mind is worth is priceless.And I'm not sure but check on Illinois laws old i think there's something for infidelity,

Answer 5

If you're not happy then the most important thing to do is separate. Children should not be witness to any fighting between their parents and they can tell when their parents are unhappy. It's easier to explain that moms and dads can be better parents when they're not together and fighting all the time. Second, depending on what state you live in and what kind of proof they require you can get a divorce based on adultery or even cruel and unusual treatment. Thirdly, and most importantly, as someone who is engaged to a good man who had a former spouse cheat on him (9 times that he found out about) he gained full physical and legal custody of all 3 of their children. If her behavior is something that she displays in front of the children or subjects them to the court will deem her unfit. I wish you the best and will keep you and your children in my prayers because this is a difficult situation for all of you.

Answer 6

staying as family will only hurt everyone involved; the kids know when somthing is amiss. why would you want to stay with a wife that doesn't honor you or respect your relationship? you didn't say how long you've been married, if you've openly expressed to her your feelings, or if she's an otherwise attentive parent. is divorce your only solution? you may not lose the children in a divorce, but you've certainly lost her respect and your self-respect as well. don't leave yourself and the children in a loveless and unhappy marriage.

Answer 7

I find it interesting how many people think that if the woman is cheating that she is the one who stands to lose the kids. Reality check.... unless she is in treatment for substance abuse, incarcerated or commited to a mental institution.... SHE GETS THE KIDS! The court does not care who is screwing who.

It hurts alot... I'm sure. I would pray and start creating your own life with the kids... Have "Boy day" with your son and "Daddy daughter days" with the girls. Volunteer at a homeless shelter/soup kitchen and serve people with problems bigger than yours, it helps keep things in perspective. Other civic activities if you can and include the kids i.e. park clean-up days if you are the one that has to take care of them on Saturdays because she hasn't come home yet. TAKE THEM TO CHURCH ON SUNDAYS!!! Become a part of your church body if you are not already and include the kids in these stabilizing and family oriented activities....

God bless anyone going through anything like this and I would pray for the wife to see how she is hurting her family and pray for the well being of the children and for the strength needed to do right by them.

Answer 8

If your wife is cheating, she is the one who stands to lose the children. It is best if children have both a mom and a dad, but if things are just so out of control that they cannot be repaired--it's better to divorce than fight in front of the kids. There is always joint-custody.

Answer 9

It is not necessary true that the male always loses the children to the female in a crumbling marriage. However, there is also forgiveness. The Bible gives us permission to divorce if our partner has been unfaithful to us. Never-the-less, It also encourages us to forgive our partners if they should be unfaithful. We have a choice in the matter and in either we do not sin. The only thing that must be considered is, "Will They Cheat Again". Search your heart and then search their heart, make a decision from there and not from anger
A concerned Pastor
Write me At absoutetruthministries.org
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Answer 10

Divorce would seem to be the right answer. staying will just make it hard on the kids and probably end up in divorce anyway. Loosing the kids is not an option if you fight for custody or visitation. Make sure it is joint custody if they don't live with you! And always be there for the kids, so she doesn't have a reason to cause any problems.