Do we have a chance?

Question

Married 11 years, 10 year old son. I have depression, he is a work aholic. probably so he doesn't have to listen to me. He avoids anything negative and has stopped talking to me about anything important because he's afraid I will get upset and feel suicidal. He has now told me he never wants to hear that word again. He tells me I offend everyone and all our friends are mad at me. Now I find out he is lying about a lot of things and keeping things like looking for property from me. He's told one of our friends that he is going to leave me, but when I ask him point blank, he looks me in the eye and says no. I am on medication and we were going to counselling, but he quit talking and would not admit to having any issues of his own, I am very sensitive but I'm not mean, I do believe in truth, he says people aren't ready for the truth. I can't change who I am but I would if I could. What should I do, do we have a chance or should we cut our losses and start the procedings? HELP...

Answer 1

Sometimes we get so caught up in the spouse we forget to let go and enjoy life.........go take a vacation, alone, or with your son,and just have fun. Take a class at a local school, do it for you and nobody else. Just stop worring about "HIM"...start taking care of you. The rest will work its way out and you might actually see things in a different perspective. When we look into ourselves we focus on what we really need to do.

Answer 2

Yes, You do have a chance but the two of you have to talk more than you ever have to save this failing marriage. First of all he is telling others about your personal life where he should be discussing those issues with you. If he can't be that way then the marriage will fail. It can't work if 2 doesn't want it to. Go to the doctor for your depression and get some med's. if you are already on them then you need to make up your mind to get your heart and head straight and not to give in to this illness. He needs to be finding out why he doesn't want to tell you the truth if indeed he is lying. Never listen to other people as they are not a party to this marriage. Good Luck

Answer 3

There is always hope if you are both willing to work at your relationship. He is probably just not wanting to stress you out by talking to you - if you are fragile emotionally he probably doensn't want anything he says to make your mental state worse. You can't help that you are depressed - you can only try to better yourself and from the sounds of it you are trying - with the medication/counseling.
Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you want him to talk to you honestly and that you deserve the truth. You also need to promise him that you aren't going to flip out if he is honest with you. If your mental state can't guarantee that then don't put him in a position where he tells you something and you freak out. You might not be at a place right now where you can handle all the stress.
As for the hearsay - don't listen to it. Just because someone says they heard from someone that he was looking at property doesn't mean anything. You need to trust your spouse - or just confront him straight out and say "so and so said you were buying property, is this true" - just be honest with him that you are worried about your marriage. Tell him how much you love him and how you are trying to get better.

Answer 4

Just the fact that you can ask that question, says there is hope.

Ask you psychiatrist to prescribe different meds if possible. The ones your on obviously aren't doing the trick. If he/she wont change them to give you better results, find another doctor.

Spend more time doing things with your family. Raise your son and be more of a wife than a worry wort. Your son will appreciate it and your husband will give you the attention you need if you give him back the woman he married.

The first thing you need to do is, stop threatening to jump off the boat when the water gets rough. You made it this far in your life, you shouldn't think you cannot make it one more day.

Answer 5

Yes, U guys have a chance, but it's dismal. U guys have to work things out. Or hey, my parents have been married for 29 years, dad's a workaholic, and mom's a churaholic, and us kids area stuck in the middle, and we take all the crap for their marriage. But hopefully u won't do that to ur kid, so please, BOTH of u, work it out through counseling or something, and if u can't, then yeah, cut ur losses and split, but make sure to try everything that's out there to save ur marriage. Because u wanna show ur kid, that a rocky marriage can work out if both parties are committed, and that sometimes even with the best help and evertything, it might not. Watch Dr. Phil, u'll see what I'm talking about. good luck.

Answer 6

What is bothering him is the fact that you are depressed all the time. He doens't want to talk to you about it because he's afraid that everything that he will say will hurt you in some way and would make you want to think of suicide, which is absolultey something he does not want to happen. I think he's mostly afraid of you doing something to harm himself because of what he did, and he's keeping everything to himself so that you wouldn't blame him if you do anything hurtful. From what I can tell it seems so that you love him very much and very dearly as well, but his actions seem a little shady. I believe that you two need to go to some counceling to sort out your relationship so it doen'st escalade to get any worse.

Answer 7

I am a firm believer that if it hasn't already happened, there is OF COURSE a chance that it won't. Have you spoken with your doctor about your depression lately? You mentioned medication, but some depression medications have the SIDE EFFECT of suicidal tendencies--it may not be you! Also, it's hard to separate clinical depression from situational depression if you are afraid of losing your husband. I believe marriage is worth fighting for...hold on to it for dear life...start with speaking to your doctor about your depression. Perhaps what the doctor has to say will give you the beginning of a productive conversation with your husband. If he has already decided to leave, you can't change his mind, and you SHOULDN'T change who you are. It seems that either path will be painful for awhile, but you are going to be fine--I am praying for you!

Answer 8

Of course you have a chance. Don't you dare give up. You have come this far so you keep going girl. Marriage is not easy and you know that and its even harder when there is a medical problem involved. Keep talking to your husband. Try some more before you give up. Pray if thats is comforting. I hope and wish the best for you.

Answer 9

never give up
never surrender

(I noticed that you say "he" and "him" a lot.) What about you? Are you without blame? There's a good book that my mom gave me. It's called "How to change your husband". You should read it.

10-11 yr mark is very difficult for everyone. Stick in there. 15 - 20 is the shiznick

Answer 10

I don't want to tell you that you should get a divorce. But, my best friend exact same situation you in married 10 yrs and she suffers from depression and her hubby worked 60 hours a week! they did everything to keep there marriage but come to find out her depression was a subconscious feeling of wanting out and no attention from him. They stayed together but it just got worse she tried to kill herself three times. Anyway, after they split her depression has gotten better she is happier their kids are happier and they stayed friends and everything is work out for the best....need to talk to anyone Ive been there for her feel free to email hamc322yahoo