I still Cannot beleive she done this to me?

Question

Well I had a best friend who I was so close too for 10 years. I lent her money, supported her emotionally I always appreciate my friends and was always willing to treat her to meals out and nights out . I thought we were best friends. In JUly 2005 I was told by another friend of mine that my so called best friend and a work colleague of hers had been bad mouthing me in such a cruel and nasty manner. I confronted her and she denied it in fact she said she couldnt remember because she was drunk.. Since then she has never contacted me to apologise. Even though its a year on i still feel in rage with it all. I cant move on.I really hate her. I done nothing wrong to her. I feel used and abused.

Answer 1

You might want to try to create situations in your head where you are telling her off - perhaps you did not vent with her and you hold this anger in - so you need to let this anger out.

Whenever I am angry at a person, I create a situation in my head and play it out and get those angry emotions out and I tend to feel better. It may take you a while to feel better, but you do need to vent about this ex friend. It is inexcuseable what she did and she did not deserve your friendship.

At least you know now so you won't waste anymore time on her.
She is not grateful to you - so let her mooch off someone else.

As they say, what goes around, comes around, and so she will have her day. Then she will find out what it feels like.

You deserve a much better friend and I hope you find someone who is just as special as you are.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

Don't even give her the satisfaction of upsetting you anymore. Be the bigger person and realize that she wasn't a very good friend and move on and forget and forgive. I know it hurts when you really thought she was your best friend but sometimes that is a lesson you have to learn to be more careful who you think are your friends in the future. I'm sorry to hear that though you sound like a great friend to be doing all that for her. I've been burnt by so called friends a few times but I find it more peaceful to just forgive the person and choosing new friends. I hope you can feel better though!

Answer 3

First of all, you can't make people to be the way you want them to be. All of us are individuals. Just because you have a loving, kind, giving heart does not mean that the ones that receive from you appreciate the sincerity in which you gave. God loves a cheerful giver, which is you. Don't expect that to be reciprocated from the ones you give to. You can't pick your reward, but it will come. You have given her too much control in your life by allowing her to hold you back from forgiveness. You must forgive, keep it in proper perspective and move on. She is not you. Don't expect her to think, act or be you in her responses. We as human beings will be talked about all of our lives, alive or dead. It will either be good, bad or indifferent. Do not allow that to stop you from enjoying a rich, happy wonderful life. There is no defense against love. Love her the more. Vengeance belongs to the Most High God. Forgive, you'll never know when you will need to be forgiven.

Answer 4

I don't have a straight forward solution for this thing you are struggling with. I know it hurts when you lay yourself on the line for a friend in every way and then they betray you. It happens to all most all of us at one time or another. I don't know how you are going to have any closure if you didn't get any when you confronted her.I think the only thing that can be done on your side is forgive her if only in your own mind and realize that person doesn't deserve your friendship. You know how to give openly and freely without expectations of return( or unconditionally). So you have what it takes to be a friend to someone that would appreciate you. Look for new friends that are of like mind and are able to give of their time and self as freely as you do. Good friends are hard to find but it sounds like you could be one. Good luck.

Answer 5

She may never apologize or even acknowledge what she's done. It always hurts more when we allow someone into our inner space. Although it's hard to accept it, it's important to allow yourself to feel the anger and shock. Once you realize you have a right to be angry, you can start to let it go. This process can not be rushed or suppressed as it just builds it up more. I understand this is hard to do. I went through something very similar except the person who betrayed me wasn't drunk. She justified her behavior under the guise of being a "good Christian." Regardless, the end result was I was left alone and battered during one of the hardest moments of my life. She will call me from time to time and doesn't understand why I won't "just get over it." I am "over it." I am just not willing to allow her into my inner circle again. Take your time. It's your healing journey. All the best to you.

Answer 6

People will always disappoint you. All you can do is try to make sure you pick the best friends with the best set of morals you can.
You have to move on. You have no choice. I hope you do not ever have to see or talk to her.

If someone bad mouths you it is not the end of the world, and it does hurt a lot, but get over it and get on with your life. Chalk it up to education about how low people can be.
Why dwell on it? What do you get out of continuing to think about it? Are you using it as an excuse to miss out on other things in life, or are you using it as an excuse to be a loser?
That rage you feel is covering up something else inside you,
it is covering up the real reason you do not want to get over it.
It is serving some purpose in your life. Figure out what you get out of hanging on to the rage.

Answer 7

You said things that you should have not. I read the story and your friend has given you the opportunity to learn from your mistakes. From rage, learn : control of self...can't move on, learn : dependency, self motivation...hate her, learn : forgiveness...done nothing wrong to her, learn : understanding the jealousy of others...feel used and abused, learn : opportunity to know self, take pride of who you are, feel the much bigger, better person. After a year, you still give her the control over you because you are responding in a destructive manner to what she did. Use this bad experience as a shield to protect yourself in the future. Learn not to overstretch yourself for no one because(read this carefully) in life there are some services rendered that are only repaid by ingratitude.

Answer 8

U feel this way because someone u cared for, hurt u very deeply. Its hard to get over, especially when they deny things happened, and don't even call u to see if ur ok. I'd mediate and pray for healing. Distract urself, shopping, walking, hiking. Try and make some new friends. There are a lot of people on this site who're looking for friends, maybe one of them would like to be urs, and u can chat with them, and if they live in ur town, they can be ur new best friend...just be careful, and don't pay for everything next time. Good Luck.

Answer 9

You sound like a good friend to have, it's her loss not yours she has not getting back in touch with you as she may have a conscious and feel bad about what she has obviously said behind your back, but i very much dout that she may have another mug to replace you. Learn from your experiences and don't be so given you don't need to buy your friendship, it has taken me a long time to work that one out but a true friend will always give you back even if its time, money, be wary of friends that just take and never give.

Answer 10

This is a lesson to you...don't trust anyone. You don't know people as well as you think you do. Well she must be in the wrong if she hasn't tried to contact you. It shows that your friendship isn't worth while. I know you were friends with her for a long time but alot can change in 10 years. Not being horrible but she obviously don't care about your friendship...I'm sure you've got other m8's! If it is getting to you that much then maybe you should try and contact her ? ;-)

Answer 11

how do you know that she had said these bad words about you? what if the friend of the friend is stirring it up? maybe your friend hasnt called you because she doesnt want confrontation and knows you cant trust her words.. perhaps she doesnt think she needs to apologize, if shes feels she has done nothing wrong or even didnt say the nasty words, then why should she say sorry? Shouldnt it be you saying sorry to her for being so doubtful of her friendship.