Additional data to: "What do you qualify as a verbal attack & what do you qualify as constuctive criticism?"

Question

The conversation took place over the telephone. He was frustrated because his father is not caring for his mother who has developed Alzheimer's. He was trying to pack her clothes and was searching in her closet that apparently was in disarray. Neither of his parents keeps their home clean.
His comment was 'Now do you see why I am the way that I am?" He went on and on and on about how he was the way he was because of his upbringing and how is father this and his father that...
I have been listening to him for months state how since his father didn't do this or that, it has made him the way he. My comment to him was "You cannot continue to blame your father for your shortcomings. At some point in your life you have to take ownership of who you are as an adult."
I stated it very "matter-of-factly" and intended it as constructive criticism. He accused me of attacking him.

What do you think? Does is sound like an attack or constructive criticism.

Answer 1

I'll answer your question first, to me it sounds like you are tired of hearing that sh!t about this is why I am like this. Dude is weak, can't handle pressure nor responsibiliy. The only time I tried the poor me thing was when I was trying to get some @$$. Now that was an attack. Hope he's not your boyfriend.

Answer 2

Sounded like constructive criticism, BUT it depends on the receivers state of mind as to HOW THEY take it. If he was just gripping to gripe, then he took it as an attack. If he was actually looking for an answer, he would have taken it as constructive criticism.

Answer 3

You didn't state your relation or purpose in this scenario so be it friend, partner, or social worker here is my response.
Due to the nature of his relationship with whom he was ranting on about I would see that he was dealing with overwhelming anxiety, confusion, and loss. It makes sense that at this point his perfection is tha you are judging him because at this time you should be loving, supportive, and helpful.
I agree that the statement is constructive but your timing destroyed any good intent that held.

Answer 4

I'd say construtive criticism, in my opinion if you were verbally atacking him he wouldn't be able to use what you told him to do something "construtive". Hence the word constructive criticism. To me it sounds like constructive criticism but that could just be from my point of view, actually the one your giving me, try seeing it from his point of view.

Answer 5

I am not one that will allow someone to verbally attack me. You have to have control of YOU, and that means you know that you dont have to stand there and listen to someone tear at you. You can interrupt or walk away. Constructive criticism is telling something that will help BUILD you up (i.e. construct...) and Destructive is something that will tear you down (i.e. destroy).

Answer 6

Sounds like constructive criticism to me. And criticism he'd be wise to pay heed to.