Time to move.....weve gotta go....you must of heard or seen that show....weve gotta go...forget your things and weve gotta run fast or tide will come to rescue you.....never knew it was coming...no one did....shocked us all be we must try and live....Time to move weve gotta go....quit staring,.. your eyes are your guidlines.....dont get captivated youll just be left on the sideline......pick up your things its time to move....who do you think did this to you....no questions now....its time to move....focusing your energy to your shoes we have to run or we will lose....i cant believe that what is going on....im shocked just like you but dont get captivated we must move dont get caught in the amazement of the blue....focusing your energy to your shoes....for now is not the time to stand and stare....look what he did...why did this happen...no questions lets just move....focus your energy to your shoes.....for now is the time to move
its only a poem
2006-06-17 08:03:57 · 16 answers · asked by Pvt.Young 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
I like the flow of the poem and it has a good sense of place, however you might want to try reading it out loud to yourself to see where it halts. There is also the issue of characters, they are not quite specific although this in no way impedes your poem. The repetition of it's time to move is also a very good plot mover and works in your poem.
suggestions
Time to Move
we've gotta run fast, the tide will come
no rescue planned
never knew it was coming, no one did
shocked us all but we must try to live
quit staring, no time for a trance if we survive there will be time to dance
pick up your things
its time to move.
its time to move
focus your energy to your shoes we have to run or we will lose
Cant believe what is going on
im shocked just like you but no time now to worry bout the blue
don't just stand we must move
don't get caught in the amazement of the blue
focusing your energy to your shoes
for now is not the time to stand and stare
why did this happen everyone ask
but time we don't have any to spare
save the questions till the danger is gone
no questions lets just move
focus your energy to your shoes
for now my love is the time to move
2006-06-17 08:48:48 · answer #1 · answered by Rose M. Topal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Technically, this is for questions and answers and not to find the next Robert Browning. Nice poem, wrong forum.
2006-06-17 08:08:58 · answer #2 · answered by JustJoiningTheFun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's cute, but it could use some editing. For example, it's "must've" not "must of." And I assume you will have it in a better format, because this one makes it rather confusing.
But other than that, original and creative. Good job :-)
2006-06-17 08:10:42 · answer #3 · answered by Susie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the flow, though needs to be laid out differently, as someone stated above.
________
The Book: "The Poets Market"
Will help, if you wish to send your your poetry.
---
university.barnesandnoble.com
Free courses, just buy book, sometimes you don't even have to do that. They have a course called, "The Poet's Table: Walt Whitman's Poetry and Prose"
2006-06-17 11:42:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like it. I don't know what you were trying to get across when you wrote it, but when I was reading it I just thought about the hurricane. And how people were in awe but they had to get out fast. Deep, I know.
2006-06-17 08:10:18 · answer #5 · answered by mini_may04 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a bit repetitive, and I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to say here. What's your point?
2006-06-17 08:07:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anna M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Brilliant...I like it. You should start a book of poems and publish it.
2006-06-17 08:07:23 · answer #7 · answered by toe poe gee gee oh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
shakey flow in trhe beginning, but it reaqlly pickes up in the middle and finnishes well. not too bad.
2006-06-17 08:08:05 · answer #8 · answered by ~*~ Flutterby ~*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't get me wrong I really liked it but it would make a killer song if you can get someone to write music for it (with a country feal maybe?)
2006-06-17 08:11:00 · answer #9 · answered by AlexD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a nice poem.
2006-06-17 08:09:13 · answer #10 · answered by tabatha16us 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋