What do you think about what I just wrote?

Question

It would be perfect, a perfect night indeed. The sun would have set, what seemed like hours ago, and we wouldn't have an ounce of need to shiver within us. The moon would be full and bright, producing enough light to kiss the sun good-bye. The sky would cooperate with the moon, and leave a few clouds in the sky for us to gaze at while holding eachother's sweaty nervous hands. We would both turn to eachother and say how pretty the sky is, and how nice the night is, and how lucky we are to have the beautiful stars to look at. I would agree with you, but know in my head that they're really looking at us, painting us this wonderful picture, and this elaborate masterpiece of an artful night, this wonderful chain of events, leading to the finale of the purple-skyed warm, breezy mid-summer's night, the pressing of the upper, the meeting of the lower, and the parting of the two, but not before they press against one another to slightly push open one-another, and share the love that is undescri

Answer 1

Your descriptive…very important. On some parts it seems you hop around, like your in a hurry to tell the story. Slow down…love the setting, I can guess where you are, but need more info as a reader. And who’s talking? Who is that person talking about? who is he/she with?

In the short term; sample is great, but needs more detail, more attention. I feel your heart beating from certain words,…great…but then I read on, and loose focus…which breaks all rules…never let the reader go, keep them tied into your every word.


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Answer 2

Listen to a crap load of music. Since the guitar is obviously very simular to a piano, I find listening to many classical pieces, speradically puts something into my head. One other thing, I usually start out playing a riff extremely slow. I am talking like 15 to 20 BPM. This gives me an exact feel for what I am playing from the start, being able to remove misplaced notes, or even an entire scale. Then while escalading the tempo more things come to light. So in my obscure process the start to a riff may be the same or total oposite from the original when 20 BPM turns into 200 BPM

Answer 3

(Published Uni Prof of Literature here.) Honest question requires an honest answer. No...no way...it lacks only 'the moon in June' to complete its banality.

BUT...if you really want to try to make a go of writing, shift away from 'showing' us and start 'telling' us. Any 11-year-old can write purple prose like this, but there are very few who can write a great dialogue between characters. Concentrate on that instead. Good luck.

Answer 4

That was beautiful - almost brought a tear to my eye!

Did you really write that? Because if you did, you should consider writing poetry - or was that a poem anyway? I think you'd be good at it.

Answer 5

It is very nice indeed! I would actually be very interested in reading other texts/poems you may have written!

Answer 6

It is a poetry - write it in some metre ....it will be a grand piece of human history.

Answer 7

Errr....you must be new to writing....It's long winded and pompous. Not very interesting at all. Keep trying

Answer 8

Pretty

Answer 9

Sounds awesome to me.

Answer 10

very appealing to the senses...what is your inspiration?
post more plz...!