I had my sons memorial walk in support of sids today. as some of you know my son Hunter died from Sids last year at 11 days old. I put out emails and phone calls to all my so-called friends and family to come out for an hour today and show support (this was done 1 month ago). The only people who showed up was my family and my ex-husband who is my daughters father. Do I have a right to be upset?
If you want to know more about Hunters story you can visit his website at
http://huntersmom15tripod.com//
2006-06-17 06:36:22 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
sorry i forgot the dot...so here is the right link
http://huntersmom15.tripod.com//
2006-06-17 06:39:35 · update #1
Actually, since his funeral, I have had one phone call from a very dear friend, otherwise everyone else has decided that I have the plaque or something. I actually did remind everyone about it so it showed me who actually cared and obviously who did not.....cest la vie
2006-06-17 11:47:59 · update #2
I want to first say I am sorry for the loss of your son. I would be so angry I don't know how I would react.
Honor your son's memory with your response to these people who didn't come.
Do what the man he would have become would have wanted you to do, and you will have no need for regret.
May you be blessed with peace. May you be blessed with joy.
You deserve some.
Were they afraid of your grief? Many people can't deal with something as horrible and unnatural as the loss of a child before the parent.
Maybe next year's walk, you can contact a SIDS support network and have it as an annual event in honor of all the babies, in your son's name? "The walk for Hunter" or whatever name makes your heart beat stronger. That might give you a more satisfactory turnout. Raise money for SIDS research, get corporate donations of water and food. You have a worthy cause, I know you can find the support you seek.
2006-06-17 06:47:16 · answer #1 · answered by nik named mom 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is natural to be upset - but you ask if you have "the right". To put it this way implies that you were "wronged" by those that either could not or did not show up. I don't believe lyou were wronged - you were hurt, however.
Unlike you, who must live with the reality of your son's death every day, others do not. I don't mean that to sound callous, but other people are able to carry on with their lives and move forward much quicker than you can. After the sorrow and mourning during that terrible time, they may not have the ability to go through it again. They simply may find it too difficult to be reminded of how fragile likfe really is. Truthfully, some just may not have been able to make it.
I hope you are getting counselling for this - and that it is not the focus of all your social contacts. That could create a climate of discomfort that friends do not know how to deal with - they are not professionals.
2006-06-17 13:47:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to feel, anything. I woud feel a litlle disappointed but don't be hurt. You ahve to remember that everyone especially in these times is rushed and hurried to spend time with their own families and friends. It is ahard time we live in and unless someone specifically said that they were coming I wouldn't take it personally.
I am sorry to hear aobut your tragic loss. it sounds like you are doing well to fill the void with structured activities. this is great for you and maybe a purpose that you never knew you had in you. Nice of your ex to come as well. Tragedy often brings people close and if your other people at work and friends couldn't be there I hope for their sake they were spending it with people they love and appreciate. We all have weddings, funerals, graduations, birthdays, sports and all sorts of things in between if we have kids on a daily basis...just having time to sit and think is nice (or even take a nap)
You are a very organized and caring person keep it up you may have found your nitch even if it isn't others, don't take it personally.
Good Luck
2006-06-17 13:45:13 · answer #3 · answered by special K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can be upset if you like but I doubt if it will do any good. I lost my son to SIDS almost 6 years ago so I know how you feel. The people who were not immediately connected to Hunter have gone on with their lives. It's normal. Don't be too hard on them. Also the death of a child makes people uncomfortable.
2006-06-19 12:15:40 · answer #4 · answered by theoriginalquestmaker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The loss of a child is sad and I can empathize with your situation.
Do you think it would be a good idea to join a support group for parents of children who died from SIDS? One that is active in fundraising for research and emotional support from people who share the same experience?
The memorial walk while it may have seemed like a good idea will not have the same impact for other people as it would for you personally, because you and your immediate family were the ones who suffered the most from the loss.
http://www.sidsfamilies.com/
2006-06-17 13:48:25 · answer #5 · answered by alwaysbombed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be very hurt too but I guess now you know who your true friends really are.
I'm sorry to hear about your son and sorry to hear that people that you thought were your friends didn't even show up to support you.
Of course though to be fair, some people don't always know how to show support even though all you were asking for was for them to show up at the memorial walk.
Also, I agree with the person right above me that you can prepare for next year's walk and get support from your community because there are compassionate people out there.
2006-06-17 13:49:34 · answer #6 · answered by Friend 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible that they truly forgot? A month is kinda hard to keep something like that in mind. Did they get a follow up reminder closer to the date? Was the walk highly publicized? Hard to say what is in their hearts. Maybe some of them are choosing to deal with their grief by not reliving it and they need quiet time and not to walk in an event that highlights something that they find difficult to handle.
Sure you have a right to be upset, but don't get tooooo mad till you get their stories. Some may just be realizing it now that they totally forgot. If they are truly sorry, I hope you'll be able to forgive them.
And...I'm sorry for your loss.
2006-06-17 13:44:26 · answer #7 · answered by stacey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hell yes, you have a right to be upset. Your friends are supposed to support you and care about you. If I was you, I would ask them why they didn't come. I mean, some people may have been unable to get off work, which is understandable, but if they just didn't want to show, I would seriously reconsider who I counted as a "friend".
As a side note, I am very sorry for your loss. Blessed be.
2006-06-17 13:42:17 · answer #8 · answered by witch_chick_2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So Sorry for your loss! I am new here so I did not know!I had 4 miscarriages and no one will even acknowledge they were my children [all at 5 1/2- 6 mo.] I think those are piss poor friends and you should tell them to kiss your a$$.
I stopped by Hunters website so sweet and caring. For the short time he was here I am sure he had the very best mom God could find YOU! Sorry he had to go!
2006-06-17 17:16:14 · answer #9 · answered by Star of Florida 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can be upset if you want, but the people that should've been there were the ones who showed up: your family and the father, the relatives of your son. nobody else was obligated to go; your friends dd not have a connection to your son, except through you.
it was a family event, a family tragedy, and your family was there. that's what matters. while you would've liked your friends' support today, the fact that they didn't choose to spend their saturday morning at a public event doesn't mean that they wouldn't support you on an individual and more personal basis.
2006-06-17 13:43:10 · answer #10 · answered by Spicoli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋