Am I wrong or is my wife wrong?

Question

I wan in a very steady job for 10 years with income in 90th percentile for my field when my wife finished studies. She could not find a job locally so we had to move.
She found a job near a major US city but the job that was offered to me had very unacceptable contract clauses (e.g. I had to give back two years salary if I quit within 1 year). She loved big city.
I found a job near another smaller city which gave us a 15-20 % better salary over three years but her Job involved some things she was not ready to do - all legal and morally right just some healthcare things that are unpleasant.
She did not wish to do it but that was the only place we could live togather, both of us have jobs and did not risk financial ruin by having to give out two year salary and had 15% better salary for three years - so I did not give her a choice and signed the contract. She is still angry.
Should she be greatful for me having left a 10 year stable job for her or is she right in being angry at me?

Thanks everyone for responding; I did discuss with her and had many conversations with her and gave her two months but she just would not consider the option.
I consulted at least a dozen collegues and two attornies who told me that the other option was proffassionally and financially very risky. After that I just decided to take initiative myself.

Answer 1

Discuss everything with ur wife then do what u wish.
;)

Answer 2

I commend you for making the sacrifice of giving up a job in which you had seniority and stability. I don't think you should have done that. I also commend you for having the good sense to realize that the contract you were asked to sign was too much of a risk and unethical and unfair. How I see it-the next compromise was due from her. However, I think you were wrong to sign a contract without discussing it with your wife-you're supposed to be a union. A contract is hard to break and can have devastating consequences if you do. This is not the same as impulsively buying an expensive pair of shoes which you could always return to the store. We are talking CONTRACT and I think you were really thoughtless and demeaning towards her to not include her in the decision making. Hey-we ARE in the twenty-first century-aren't we? Hello???

Answer 3

You will be paying for that action for a long time to come. I found your story somewhat interesting, even though you took the long way around the barn to get to your point, and I had to take a couple of naps during the course of this saga of yours. But, heres how I look at it. You have a job and so does your soon to be ex-wife. Count your blessings. The average person reading all of these questions and answers are merely hoping on a raise big enough to help with the gasoline price increase while you two are in a very high tax bracket. Get real and get on with your "keeping up with the Jones' " lifestyle. Hope that your sofa is comfortable....(smile)

Answer 4

well I think her anger stems from u signing and not compromising with her and yes she does have a right 2 be mad.but u gave up a 10 year job 4 her and she is just starting out.u may both have 2 commute but things can work out if you both r willing 2 try.that really sucked that u signed that contract without first working things out with her it will take her some time 2 get over that.and u need 2 help her through it since it was a betrayal on ur part.

Answer 5

That is a major life decision that you made without her ~ she is not a child but should be your partner. While you may have maade the best choice financially, you definately did not make the right choice for your marriage. Perhaps if you had discussed this with your wife, you could have still made the same choice and made your wife feel that she is an important person in your relationship not just your pet.

I would have left you!

Answer 6

First of all you need to ask yourselves what is the purpose of having the jobs? Then go from there. if you want to live together then commute.
you worked hard for what you wanted and so did your wife and now that you both can pursue what you want, you have to compromise a lot of the times. sure a job of high income is good but does it provide sound structure at home?
If the wants out way the needs then you have definitely made the wrong choices.

Answer 7

Even if you were sure you wanted to sign, you should have discussed this with your wife first. This way, she would completely understand why you were doing what you were, and would have felt like a part of the decision-making process. You just cut her legs out from under her. She should have, at the very least, have had the opportunity to express her feelings first. This was a mistake, and you should (although perhaps you already have) apologize for the way you handled this situation.

Answer 8

She possibly feels belittled by what you did.

Try to understand that when a woman tries to make her way in the world that is mostly controlled by men, it is hard enough for them.

I am sure that she appreciates it in a way but try to consider this. And hopefully I have this straight.

She attended schooling while you were working, correct? If that being the case, she (in her mind) may feel that she put the time into the marriage for you to be where you are and for her to accomplish what it is she set out to do. It may be that she feels that the sacrifice should be on your end since all that time that she worked for her goals and they are new to her, take the front seat.

You have accomplished what it is you wanted, it is her turn now to prove that she can do what she set out to do.

Just my opinion.

Answer 9

Let me get this straight. You had a job, she had a job but now has another job and you got a job but don't like the job but refused another job to be with this job meanwhile she still has a job all over 10% loss of income over 3 years, correct?

Answer 10

Perhaps a better compromise could have been reached. Both of you need to be involved in the decision and she will resent your taking control for a long time. It was nice that you gave up your position for her but she seems to have given that little value. hopefully THINGS WILL WORK OUT.

Answer 11

It sounds like you weighed things out and more than likely discussed the issues with her before signing. Sometimes, you have to do what's best for your family and someone's going to have to compromise. You tried her way and it didn't work. She'll eventually get over it when she's able to find employment where she's happy.