Should I believe my husband?

Question

Last nite i overheard my husband on the phone saying to his ex stetdaughter that he miss the wife and her very much.I conforted him,&he tried to explain to me it was just a statement.That he miss the times he shared with the child.Remind you the child just turned 21 and she only calls him for her birthday or for Christmas.I know that he will never cheat on me.Take it from me,he wont.But that really hurt me.We have been married for 6 1/2 yrs.Why would a man say something like that?Could it be the alcohol that was talking?He is the best husband a woman could have.He has continue to give explanations on why he said it.

Answer 1

I understand how that would be hurtful to you.

Think about something, here. If we are honest and emotionally open with ourselves, we never really stop loving the people from our past and we may miss the good things we had with those people. It doesn't mean that we want to be back in that situation. We can love and miss people, and still move forward into better relationships with someone else. It doesn't mean that you are second best or runner up. It might mean that he chose you and remains with you because he has moved forward with his life.

To deny the emotions of and about the past is emotionally unhealthy. It doesn't mean he cares about you less, or even less than that past.

Sometimes, it is even just the dreams of that past that we miss more than the situations themselves. We miss what could have been, even if we are in a different place now. It doesn't take anything away from where and who we are with now. It is being emotionally honest and vulnerable to learning lessons and grieving the losses through life.

I hope you can examine why this might have been hurtful to you and be honest with yourself (and your husband) on what things hurt the most about what he said - and what it says about you and where your vulnerabilities lie.

Answer 2

Well, you do not say for how long he was married to his ex and how much attached he was to the stepdaughter before the divorce. Remember that sometimes the ties between a guy and his ex and her kids doesn't end with divorce. Maybe the girl is having some problems, need advice and maybe she trust him more than his mom or her mom doesn't know how to handle the situation the girl is in. Do not be jealous or upset. And I am sure he may miss the time he shared with them, but remember (and you should remind him TOO) that that relationship is over, he can keep the nice memories of it, but if ended for a reason and IT DOESNT exist anymore at this time, you are his wife now, and even though he can be supportive with the ex stepdaughter, you need to stand up and make it clear that the priority now is the two of you guys.

Answer 3

Should you believe your husband???
Let me tell the answers which you already gave
* I know that he will never cheat on me
*He is the best husband a woman could have
*He continues to give explanations

Ain't that answers not enough for you?

What you overheard is nothing. Anybody can say that and may not really mean it, or it's just an honest error of wrong choice of words. It is part of his personality of being nice to them.

Assuming what you heard is true, what does him missing somebody means to you? Do you already put sexual color to it? Missing happy times spent with his child is normal. Not missing it is abnormal!

For your peace of mind, give him more credits for his good traits. He deserves your understanding and trust. Your unfounded jealousy will only serve as a rust in your marriage. Its just an innocent word, and dont blow it out of proportion.

Answer 4

it is a combination of two things...

the alcohol for sure.. my ex called me the other day and was all into the "missing you and us and family" syndrome.... moron...

and the fact that a man's heart seems to be divided in many ways... he wants to let go of the old and go on with the new, but somewhat feels a devotion to the old because he knew it for so long and has the child as a connection. That will be a bond that will never be broken and a conversation that will (usually) always fall in place when the ex and him get on the phone in a civil manner of course....

I am sure he loves you and wants to stay with you as you say, so trust that and give the support to him and his ex(but will always be)stepdaughter that they both need...

Answer 5

First of all, stop eavesdropping on his calls. It implies that you don't trust him. Secondly, he said he misses them, not loves them, not wants to move back in with them, not become a part of their lives again, but misses them. The first thing you should be is happy that he's able to share what he feels with his step daughter. It's possible that he felt like that was what she needed to hear in that moment of the phone call. If you confront him on things you're listening to in private conversations, you will lose him. His relationship with his other family may be as important to him as any other. You claim he doesn't cheat, but you must have some fear of it if you're over reacting to a phone call. Since he is the best husband a woman could have, get over it, and move on before you mess it up. (Stop trying to drive a wedge between him and his other life.....it's his, good or bad...and you really need to work on accepting that). Jealousy is not an attractive thing, and attacking his step daughter smacks of jealousy.

Answer 6

he does probably miss her come on now i am not sure what happened to break them up but it was 21 years ago and people can miss what they had it don't change his feeling for you though iv been married 10 years now and i still look back every now then but has to remember the past every day cause hes got a kid with that woman don't be insure he loves you very much but he still has the right to miss what he once had it doesn't mean he wants that old wife back just means he miss the past that's all ..nothing more nothing less your reading in to this to much and your insecurity's will Chase your man away think how you would feel if you had a kid and you don't get to see them that often you feel sad every now and then and look back to past i know i would so try to be understanding hang in there

Answer 7

lol First of all, never say never. The potential to cheat is always there. I think he was more or less trying to comfort his daughter...or even himself. If she calls only on holidays it is quite possible that he misses them because he loves them and never hears from or sees them. Not all people get separated because they dont love eachother. There may have been other factors. Now he loves you, however, he still (Of course) loves his daughter and probably still harbors an innocent love for his ex wife.

Answer 8

You need to talk to him (when sober) and let him know that things like that hurt you.

but you also need to understand that he has a right to miss and love his stepdaughter. He also has a right to miss his ex-wife. And caring for them and missing the times they shared does NOT mean he doens't love you!! he's with you now, that's what matters most, but he has a right to have feelings for his former official family, as I imagine they were a big part of his life...

Answer 9

if the kid is 21 then he was a little out of line.however maybe he was just simply letting the kid know that what he shared with them still means something even though he's not with the mom. if the kid thinkd that he hated the mom then they might ? why would he care for them.if you know you husband loves you and would never cheat on you then i say you have nothing to worry bout

Answer 10

This is Father's Day weekend and the young lady called a man who at one time in her life was a "father figure" to her. It sounds like he was just feeling grateful that out of a relationship that he once had with her mother that went sour he was at least able to hold on somewhat to the relationship that he had had with his step-daughter. I mean what would you have wanted him to say? " I miss you but I sure as heck don't miss that mother of yours". That is NOT the man you fell in love with. The man that YOU fell in love with sounds compassionate of people's feelings. Like he said...it was just a statement. Let it go. And enjoy this beautiful weekend with your guy.