I just found out my Man is a Pathological Liar, Fraud, Alcoholic, and a Serial Cheat. How do I respond?

Question

I just found out that the man I've been madly in love with for 6 mo's, and thought that I had a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with is sleeping with another woman regularly, and several one night stands as well. I am livid! What is the best way to deal with him, and this situation? My heart is breaking, and I feel nauseous. Should I write him all the facts I learned about his deception & lies, and call him out on it, or just say, Goodbye? What will make me come out feeling and looking best in this situation. Mutual friends, he made swear oathes of secrecy, to never tell me about his lies/unprotected sex w/other women. One just told me last night after 6 mo's friendship, and 3 hrs of coaxing. I am mad at them too. It seems everbody knew what he was doing, but me. I also found out he lied about his job, schooling, previous Pro-football career, his finances (He's now broke). I also just also found out he may be going to jail for embezzlement. Am I a total idiot? Men' are dogs

Thanks everybody. Some of you took what I said wring. I don''t ever want him back...I just want closure. Right now I feel like crap! I want to vent at him...
Also. He took me for a Kennith Cole Watch on V'day (we spent Feb 13th, together). I now think he spent Feb 14th with the other woman. The little ****! You know...he got me nothing. So...I want it back. My girlfriend Mimi says to ask for it back. Should I? I want it. It cost me $300.00. I am not rich. He doesn't deserve it. He never even wore it. He only wears Patek Phillipe and Rolex. The snob! What should I do/say. Then he can go rot in hell...

Answer 1

This is a nasty situation to be in. You should be pissed and have every right to be pissed at your friends. But really do you think if they would have said something to you in the first month do you think you would have believed them? Sometimes when we are in love we miss the little hints, and that sucks! However, now that you know it is time to move on. Thank God it was only 6 months of your life instead of 6 years. seek out support from non-mutual friends and keep the mutual friends at Bay. It sounds to me anyway like they are really his friends and not yours. A friend would never allow you to be hurt like this. Get involved in the community maybe there is something that you can do to take your mind off of this fool. Whatever you do DON"T got back to him! if you do you are setting yourself up for even more heartache!

Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

O.K you already know what to do about this. Let him go, don't think about it or let him come by and you be all out of sorts, cause by now the mutual friend has already let him know that you know, so don't prolong it, you will only end up hurting more than you already do. I wouldn't say that you are a complete idiot, but an idiot never-the-less and most women are when it comes to the men in their life, we all see these things and keep getting deeper involved. We also lead ourselves to believe that we are the only ones in their lives and 9 times out of 10 it may be true, (not) there are more women in this great country than men and trust and believe for every one man you have there are three or more women screwing him than you! Buck up honey you will find Mr. right or at least Mr. Right Now one of these days. Oh and don't be mad at the mutual friend, they only did what your guy asked them to do trying to be a loyal friend, and didn't want to hurt you in the process, and the only reason that they probably told you now is because the infamous cheat/liar asked them to. you have no reason to be mad at them, if it was a guy he probably told you cause he wants to get with you and if that is the case than you won't be hurting for long now will you (if you get what I mean)! Walk away now girl save yourself the bull sh#$!

Answer 3

Other than leaving the relationship, somehow or other the seed has to be planted in him that all of the character defects he is displaying are directly related to his alcoholism. I know this only because I have been an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous for the past 30/35 yrs and have not had a drink for nearly 29 yrs. I still attend 3/4 meetings per week and the more you put into working the program the more you get out of it.

Answer 4

so the man u love is not the man u feel in love with.it hurts but atleast u know the truth now.my advice is 2 leave him alone,if he has been lying 4 6months he will do it again and again.get over him now before you invest anymore into that lie of a relationship.yes it was a lie 2 hun,not on ur part but on his.he is a loser and u deserve and can do a lot better.good luck n keep ur head up.

Answer 5

Confronting him is pointless, why reveal to him everything that you know, surely there is more that you don't know, let him believe you know it all.

The watch was a gift, it is now his. Count that up to an expensive life lesson, and be done with it.

You say men are dogs, not true, all men are not dogs, just most men are dogs, some more than others, it is sad, but true!

He is about to get his just deserts (in prison), take comfort in that.

Answer 6

oh my gosh i am so sorry to hear about your situation, i wish that you could go to sleep and wake up not even caring/hurting anymore. were there any signs of his cheating/lying but i think that you should let him know what you have found out he may lie, but if you have valid proof then you know the truth. you will come out looking better if you just tell him that you know and just leave him alone, but i hope that you feel better. i can just imagine how upset hurt and angry you must feel but take this advice the best way to get over someone is to find someone else. go and get pretty and just go to the grocery store or something and someone will try hook up with you talk with them on the phone to keep your mind off of lying cheater boy and let me know how it all worked out [e-mail]

Answer 7

Dont even say anything just run, it sounds like he's getting himself into plenty of trouble, if he doesnt end up in jail, he'll end up with a disease. I am so sorry he treated you so bad. what a jerk. But the best thing really to do is get out of there ASAP and let him dig his own hole, you can save your reputation by holding your head high and leaving that mess of a man behind

Answer 8

Holy ****, nothing spins your head around and confuses your mind as it fills with heart wrenching pain more then finding out you did not know your partner at all. All you can do is let time heal the pain and learn from this so you can protect yourself in the future. As hard as it sounds time is the only medicine.

Answer 9

The easy answer is to get out. I would be hurt and upset too. You thought that you could count on your friends to help you see you blind spots but if the are his friends too they may have been afraid that you would shoot the messenger. To protect yourself you need to get out but unless you want something from this man I would skip the confrontation and just say that you need some time to take care of you.

I would also visit your gyn doc and get yourself tested for STD's. If he was not careful then you need to get checked.

Answer 10

Why would you even ask that question??? He should have already been kicked to the curb and the dust wiped from your feet!!
Good Grief!! What's the matter with your brain is the question....
And not all men are dogs....I've been married to a dog one and now married to my soul mate...choose better next time...men who show off with luxury are poor choices...they are usually only ot there for the show... nothing more....find one who's not afraid of working...