Mine is.... "I can't go to no stoneing.....he's not well again" (from a woman carrying a donkey across her shoulders)
2006-06-17 03:03:23 · 15 answers · asked by Amanda C 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Movies
Also 'Hands up all those who don't want to be crucified here.....'
2006-06-17 03:12:28 · update #1
Also.... "Half a denari for me bloody life story!?"
2006-06-17 03:42:35 · update #2
Brian: Have I got a big nose, Mum?
Mandy: Stop thinking about sex!
Brian: I wasn't!
Mandy: You're always on about it. "Will the girls like this? Will the girls like that? Is it too big? Is it too small?"
Brian: I am NOT the Messiah!
Arthur: I say you are Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.
Reg: If you want to join the People's Front of Judea, you have to really hate the Romans.
Brian: I do!
Reg: Oh yeah, how much?
Brian: A lot!
Reg: Right, you're in.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[A line of prisoners files past a jailer.]
Jailer: Crucifixion?
Prisoner: Yes.
Jailer: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each. [Next prisoner.] Crucifixion?
Prisoner 2: Er, no, freedom actually.
Jailer: What?
Prisoner 2: Yeah, they said I hadn't done anything and I could go and live on an island somewhere.
Jailer: Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then.
Prisoner 2: No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.
Jailer: [laughing] Oh yes, very good. Well...
Prisoner 2: Yes I know, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left.
Wise man: We were led by a star.
Brian's mother: Led by a bottle, you mean.
Suicide Squad Leader: We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack! [they all stab themselves] That showed 'em, huh?
Brian: I'm not a roman mum, I'm a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I'm kosher mum, I'm a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it!
Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand?! Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
Brian: What?! Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now,**** off!
[silence]
Arthur: How shall we **** off, O Lord?
Brian: There's no pleasing some people.
Beggar: That's what Jesus said.
Brian: You are all individuals!
The Crowd: We are all individuals!
Brian: You have to be different!
The Crowd: Yes, we are all different!
Small lonely voice: I'm not!
Mandy: What star sign is he?
Wise Man #2: Capricorn.
Mandy: Capricorn, eh? What are they like?
Wise Man #2: He is the son of God, our Messiah.
Wise Man #1: King of the Jews.
Mandy: And that's Capricorn, is it?
Wise Man #3: No, no, that's just him.
Mandy: Oh, I was going to say, otherwise there'd be a lot of them.
Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
Reg: But you can't have babies.
Stan: Don't you oppress me.
Reg: I'm not oppressing you, Stan -- you haven't got a womb. Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?
[Stan starts crying.]
Judith: Here! I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans', but that he can have the *right* to have babies.
Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister, sorry.
Centurion: You know the penalty laid down by Roman law for harboring a known criminal?
Matthias: No.
Centurion: Crucifixion!
Matthias: Oh.
Centurion: Nasty, eh?
Matthias: Could be worse.
Centurion: What you mean "Could be worse"?
Matthias: Well, you could be stabbed.
Centurion: Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours. It's a slow, horrible death.
Matthias: Well, at least it gets you out in the open air.
Centurion: You're weird!
2006-06-17 03:14:54 · answer #1 · answered by NannyMcPhee 5 · 4⤊ 3⤋
The Life Of Brian Quotes
2016-10-14 03:16:22 · answer #2 · answered by lutz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Joyce C.
Give the rest of us a chance. LOL.
Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, **** off!
[silence]
Arthur: How shall we **** off, O Lord.?
Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah".
[Everyone gasps]
Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!
Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!
Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?
Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!
Jewish Official: Was it you?
Stoner: Yes.
Jewish Official: Right...
Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah. "
[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]
Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah. "
[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death]
Spectator I: I think it was "Blessed are the cheesemakers".
Mrs. Gregory: Aha, what's so special about the cheesemakers?
Gregory: Well, obviously it's not meant to be taken literally; it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.
I still laugh very much at this film and i have watched it about 20 times.
2006-06-17 03:56:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All funny but nobodies mentioned the "What did the Romans ever do for us?" speech.
Most of the film, following the holy grail quote, how about the intro credits, complete with moose-trainer, llama-trainer and the people hired to redo the credits at great expense also being sacked?
2006-06-17 05:30:55 · answer #4 · answered by Paul B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"He's not the messiah He's a very naughty boy." same as everyone else! Also "Crucifixion?" "No. Freedom." "Oh OK lucky you, off you go then." "Nah, just kidding, it's Crucifixion really!" (not verbatim) and the song of course!
2006-06-17 06:04:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
(After searching house)
Well captain, what did you find?
Found this spoon sir!
Or wot about this from Holy Grail:
Ah! He must be a king!
How do you know?
Well, he hasn't got sh*t all over him!
or...
Look, there's some lovely filth down here...
2006-06-17 03:54:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never ever seen the life of brian, but having read all these quotes i really want to now!!! Thanks to evereyone who has posted about it so far.
2006-06-17 09:37:19 · answer #7 · answered by Daisy the cow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
-what happened to the popular front anyway?
-He's over there
-SPLITTER!
what have the romans done for us?
we found this spoon
he has a wife you know. her name? incontinentia. incontintentia buttocks
2006-06-17 05:58:19 · answer #8 · answered by enigma_variation 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
2006-06-17 03:30:13 · answer #9 · answered by Rev Debi Brady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
blessed are the cheese makers
2006-06-17 08:39:42 · answer #10 · answered by smiley face 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋