Can someone please help me. I'm trying to deal with the aftermath of being in an emotionally abusive marriage

Question

How you cope with the feelings left with you after being emotionally tormented by a man who you thought would never hurt you. I was verbally abused to the point that I had no confidence in myself. I was walking on eggshells, afraid to open my mouth for fear that he would only ridicule me more. When I would get the courage to fight back, he would attack me that much more. No one can tell me that verbal abuse doesn't hurt more than physical abuse. I'm having trouble still beleiving in myself or anyone else for that matter. I divorced him, but the hurt is still lingering. Ane he thinks I was wrong. He went out of the marriage still calling me names and blamining me for everything. Don't think I didn't try...I did. I tried everything I could think of to make it work, but I was loosing myself in the process. Did he understand that? No! Did he make me feel bad? Yes! No one believed me because he had a way of getting away with things, so I got out..but I'm still suffering..help

Answer 1

I was once in the same situation for 10 years...I was verbally abused as well as physically abused...we had 2 children...in 60's we had no place to escape to...I eventually was given a way out.....our son is in prison because of his painful childhood....so I do know where you are coming from...people should never stay in an abusive relationship "For the Children" they are suffering that abuse with you....
As far as the healing...well its been nearly 28 years since I got out of that marriage...I have anger problems....I have memory loss... I have anxiety and post traumatic stress syndrome...but I have been holding out pretty good...healing takes time...I am still healing...one thing I did learn from all this...Men who do this sort of thing have a complex...they look to you as above them so in order to bring you to THEIR level they have to over power you enough to make themselves feel better about themselves..just hang in there...go forward don't look back....get a journal and write down your feelings..it really helps...and sometimes its better than trying to explain it to people who have never been there...time heals all wounds...but for some...it just takes a lot of time....let me know ...been there...done that...

Answer 2

I wish I knew what to say to you to help, but I am going through the same thing and I don't have any answers for myself. Some people think that it's only men who verbally abuse, but I am here to tell you that is not true. My girlfriend was bad. I went through the same crap as what you did and I have been gone from her 6 months now. I still cannot ask a woman out for even a cup of coffee. The better I treated her the worse she became. I stopped trying to figure her out and came to the conclusion it was not going to ever get better, so I had to leave. I am just now starting to feel better about life and interact with people again. Maybe thats what you need is alot of time for yourself and you seem to be on the right track already by knowing that he was the problem and that you are a good person. I wish the best for you and for myself. Take care and hope things get better daily for you.....

Answer 3

Most men feel they need to be/ or want to be the dominate partner in a relationship. They may not be prepared to handle the stress . This can lead to them feeling inferior. At this point they may not know what else to do except lash out with a show of power( its really fear) . This man is a sick puppy and needs to see a doctor to get a distemper shot or something.
This feeling of guilt that you have over a failed marriage is not your burden to bear . As you said , you tried to make it work. That's all anyone can do . Feel good about the fact that you where trying to make it work when he was not. He on the other hand ,should not only be feeling inferior , but should know that he is lacking social skills that would have made him a better partner.

Answer 4

I am living through the same thing right now...It's been nine years..I just don't know how I got here. But my advice to you is, stay completely away from him..no contact...start exercising, something that will make you tired, just start walking, if necessary...I know about the suffering, no one believes me because everyone glorifies him. I did therapy for for five years and I'm still in the marriage. A counselor will give the coping steps to let go. Stop worrying about what he thinks. Time is your best defense and the only way out of this is THROUGH...

Answer 5

first of all congrats on making the right decision and leaving him. Anyone that puts you down or makes you feel less of a person is not a person who cares about you and not worth keeping around. always keep in mind that a person who puts you down, calls you names, or does anything to break your confidence is usually a person with very low self esteem themselves. They need to make others feel bad so they might feel better about themselves. You have taken the right step by walking away from the abuse and refusing to be a target of his wrath any longer. Always remember you are a human being with thopughts and feelings that deserve to be considered and respected. he is a loser and you should give yourself a pat on the back for recognizing him as thus. Just take each day step by step, tell yourself something positive about you on a daily basis, even if its something as simple as i am a good person or i have a pretty smile. Also, surround yourself with people that love and care about you, people who make you feel good. I know it's hard to pick up the pieces that are you when someone has broken you and spread the pieces over time. As long as you keep in mind that you are a good person and there are people out there who know how wonderful you are, in time you will begin to see and feel that way about yourself as well. Time heals all wounds, just take it slow and aim for self love, all will fall into place eventually. Congrats and good luck in finding what you need to be a happier person.

Answer 6

Boy, can I relate to you.

I am male, 38, and I am abused emotionally and mentally.

She is no longer my girlfriend, but she ruined me by taking everything I had and she won't let me leave. She stalks me and makes sure that any plan I have to leave is squished.

She tells me everything I do wrong. Left the cap off of my toothpaste, I stepped on the floor, I did say "are you ok?" quick enough.

I do understand.

For me, I have limited choices. I have no money or credit. I have to try to rebuild.

If you are not in that place, then let him have it or find someone to let him have it for you.

He is a jerk.

The best thing for you is to move on, make a better you.

They make mental problems. They make you think that way of yourself.

I seriously recommed finding something you know about and he does not. Be sneaky.

You need to think of you. Forget him.

I hope this helps.

Good Luck

Answer 7

You should really talk with a counselor. It's usually very hard to stop suffering until you talk with someone in person!
If you don't want to talk with a counselor, I suggest taking a vacation, alone to a yoga retreat. Even if you don't do the exercises well, the peace & serenity of the retreat and the loving confirmations of the other students and instructors will help you see things in a different light. I know it sounds cheesy, but these retreats really do help.
If you would like more info or a list of meditation/yoga retreats, email me at [e-mail] and I'll be happy to help you out!

Answer 8

yes verbal/mental/emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse. It attacks the core of your being. the abuser does it to make himself feel important and you are the scapegoat . You really ought to go for professional counseling. Hearing these things from a REAL PROFESSIONAL will help you to undrtand the why's of this man's behaviour. It will be worth every penny and give you insight into your next relationship. you sound like a nice person, so there will be one eventually!!
even if it is just yourself for awhile, you need to get back to loving yourself!

Answer 9

You need to rebuild your self esteem and your spirit. Verbal abuse is the same as any other type of abuse with serious results. Have you tried any counseling? Almost all cities have hotlines for Battered/abused women, and verbal abuse is a form of abuse. You need to start to rebuild the life you've always wanted. Good Luck

Answer 10

My ex done the same thing to me. That type of person is insecure and unhappy with themselves. If they think they can make you feel worthless then they feel better about themselves. Its also a control issue. If you dont feel like your worth anything then maybe you will need them more and they can control your life. It took me about 2 years to get over the emotional trainwreck I suffered from a 6 year marriage to a man like this. I'm stronger now though and I know I'm a good intelligent person even though he never did.