what do you think of this? what would you do?

Question

my husband accidentally dialled my phone(this is not unsual,it happens quet often) only this time as i answered the phone i heard him chatting up a women on the street. asking her if he can drop her whereever she was going, asking her for her phone number and even offering his own. he even goes further to ask her if he can drop by her house. he tried so much to convince this lady to get in his car but she refused.

i confronted him and all he says is "i'm sorry, it was a mistake" and he wont do it again, he was just playing around he said. I find his excuse pathetic.

Answer 1

What's worrying is his persistance with the woman. The fact that he tried over and over again indicated that this is not the first time he has done this.
It takes a certain kind of confidence to carry on asking in the face of rejection. I'm sure that if he was extra-ordinarily bowled over by one woman and that this had never happened before he would have been shyer in his suggestions.
Also he was asking for something very immediate, i.e. not to take her out for dinner - so it seems like all he wanted was string free sex.
You can not change him. You just have to decide whether you can accept being with someone who occasionally strays (physically at least) or leave.
Staying and trying to work it out, only means that he has got away with it and will most probably re-commence at some point. Leaving him may jolt him into realising what his philandering has cost and you may end up back together.
Don't torture yourself by thinking that he is seeking something elsewhere because he is disatisfied with you. Most likely he just wants thrills because he is bored with himself.

Answer 2

i find it pathetic too.

if he can chat a woman up so casually on the street in the middle of the day i can almost guarantee he doesn't feel bad about doing it just being caught and that he would probably do it again.

i don't really know what to tell you to do because he hasn't actually done anything that you know of but i would be wary. tell him how it looks to you and what it makes you think and feel to know what he did and how it could make you suspicious. i wouldn't just let it slide because it sounds strange and could be an omen.

but don't jump to conclusions either. maybe you confronting him made him realise that if he ever went through with something like that then he could lose you. it could have just been a stupid mistake but like i said be wary.

i think you should try and talk to him about his reasons for doing it, there maybe some underlying problem he has that could cause future conflict like this, try and deal with what ever it is as a couple - it maybe something as simple as being bored and needing a bit of a change like doing something different or going out together more often.

Answer 3

Its always hard find out that your partner the man you trust and love has been up to no good. You must be hurt. You deserve honesty at this stressful stage. Have you had reason to doubt him before? Yes I am sorry to say his excuse was pathetic. You can either talk to him and find the reasoning behind it all or you can walk away from him. Its your decision. Get some support. You are not alone. I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

Answer 4

I think that this is not the first time he has done something like this and it won't be the last. The only reason he admitted to doing this or admitted it was a mistake is because he got caught. if you take his word for it that it won't happen again then you are playing the fool, no offense, but this will make him think it's ok to continue this behavior because he got away with it this time. As long as someone knows they can do something and get away with it then they will. If i caught my husband doing this, as much as i love him, i wouldn't stand for it, i would pack my stuff and leave. there is a difference between flirting and stepping over the line, this action suggests he is stepping over that line, has done so in the past, and will continue to do so as long as you allow it. don't allow yourself to be blinded, let him know this behavior is inexcusable and you deserve better. If he isn't willing to get help or work with you, then he is a jerk and you could find someone so much better. someone who treats you like the goddess you are. good luck to you and i hope for you the best.

Answer 5

I find that wrong and yes it is a big mistake i dont think he was sorry and it should not be forgot about he did it once he will do it again and probably has done it before but didnt get caught, He would not like it if it was you doing it. I would have to keep a close i on this it might end up being worse than what you think.

Answer 6

My husband at one time was a big player even after we were married so I know how you feel. I also know that your husband may be a player too from the conversation he had with this lady. By his answer to you confronting him, he knows he's intentions were not to just be a helpful neighbor. I would seriously sit him down and talk to him about what's going on and your relationship. Now he has put untrust in your heart and he needs to know this. If he is doing wrong by you, you will know it. It will be a feeling in your stomache. Don't ignore it. Take action. I don't mean divorce, I mean TALK and get him TALKING.

Answer 7

So do I. He is a dog. You're lucky you found out. Kick him out. If he doesn't beg in the right way to come back, the marriage wasn't going to work anyway. And if you are not REALLY strong on this, he has gotten away with it and will keep on doing it. Also, if he is allowed to stay with you, insist on condoms, health checks etc, then suggest therapy for him. Give him such a hard time. Now it is a power play and you know what happens if he wins

Answer 8

Dump him, hon; do you really think he never did this before????Do you really think he wont do it again??? Once is too often for any married man to behave like this...... how would if have been if you had done it and not him??? You would be called a whore and everything else, so why should he get away with it just because he is a man? Get rid of this lump of ****. There are still decent men out there. Kate

Answer 9

I feel for you that must have been horid to hear. Give him the benifit of the doubt and tell him if it happens again he is out and if he has problems at home he needs to talk to you about them not pick up other women. Good luck men are a pain in the A**

Answer 10

I find it pathetic too, and you may need to err on the side of caution a bit more with him. and the whole thing of calling u so you could hear (well maybe thats not what he said the reason was but i blieve it is) is pretty lame too. I suggest you go to sharinglifetogether.com go to contact us, type in your information, and then fill your Q in the message box. for more info about sharing life together, email me.