2006-06-16 23:48:29 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Other - Entertainment
Things to do in an elevator:
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, They open up again."
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, Got enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers, "This is my personal space!"
27.) ask "excuse me, my butt itching, can anyone scratch it for me?" (you are holding things in your two hands)
28.) Turn against the wall and start talking to the wall.
29.) Look at your "invisivle" watch, and take your wrist and ask one of the people "Is this time right?"
30.) Start hummong really loudly like you are meditating "UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...
31.) start doing jumping jacks.
32.) Look at your hand and say out load "woooooow, coool" and wave your hand at the people and say "isn't it wow and cool?"
33.) Sit on the floor and close your eyes, and start snoring really loudly.
34.) Look suddenly at the floor of the elevator and start screaming at the "invisible" squirrel.
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2006-06-19 14:36:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
go here http://www.lotsofjokes.com
here are some
Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Q. How does a blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits.
Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing, they haven't met!
Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.
Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme
Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!
Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.
Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilized
Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A. More headroom
Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
A. Because everyone gets a turn.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets!
Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes
Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An airbag.
Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?
A. She has a tampon tucked under her ear and she can't find her pencil.
Q. What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
A. They both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A. Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.
Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for chips.
Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ***?
A. Brain tumor.
Q. Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A. So she can have a doggie bag for later.
Q. How would a blonde punctuate the following: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry....
Q. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A. Because they both drip when they're ******!
Q. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A. "Way to go team!"
Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. FULL
Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.
Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A. You get to park in the handicap zone.
Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747?
Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.
Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q. What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
A. Artificial intelligence.
Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath.
Q. What do blondes and cow **** have in common?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Q. How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
A. She opens the car door.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A. When you smack the mosquito it stops sucking!!
Q. What does a blonde say the last two words of the national anthem are?
A. Play ball!
Q. What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.
Q. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A. Cause it said concentrate.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A. They know how many went down on the Titanic.
Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.
Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.
Q. What is a brunette between two blondes?
A. An interpreter.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A. The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money?
A. She sold her car for it...
Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. "Are you sure it's mine?"
Q. Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?
A. Because they have blond boyfriends
Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up
Q. What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
A. Get'em on their back and their both ******.
Q. What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A. A ******** with handlebars
Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?
A. A golden retriever.
Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.
Q. How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.
Q. What do you call a room full of blondes with PMS and yeast infections?
A. A wine and cheese party!
Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.
Q. What did the blonde say when she saw the banana peel on the floor?
A. Oh no, I'm going to fall again!
Q. How can you tell a blonde has used your computer?
A. There is white out on the screen.
Q. Why are blondes like 7-Eleven stores?
A. Open 24 hours a day.
Q. Why did the blonde throw bread crumbs down the toilet?
A. To feed the toilet duck!
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a pair of sun glasses?
A. The sun glasses sit higher on your face.
Q. Why do blondes always drink with straws?
A. Practice.
Q. Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A. To cover the valve stem.
Q. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A. It takes too long to retrain them.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A. The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q. How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
A. They spread for the bread.
Q. What's the difference between a group of blondes and a good magician?
A. The magician has a cunning array of stunts.
2006-06-17 06:59:29 · answer #2 · answered by Dumb B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So this guy buys a used Motorcycle. beautiful Harley in Perfect Condition. he asked the owner how he kept it looking so new. He said " the secret is , at the first sign of rain, I rub this vaseline on it to protect it". The man takes the vaseline and the motorcycle and heads to meet his girflriend at her parents for dinner. His girlfriend warns him that they have a tradition. Whoever speaks a single word first after dinner has to wash all the dishes. new people usually lose so prepare to wash. They eat a large delicious dinner. He notices the silence and remembers the tradition. He damns sure does not want to wash dishes but the silence is killing him. He desides to have some fun with the situation and starts making out with his girlfriend right at the table. parents lok annoyed but remain silent since they evidently don't feel like doing dishes either. Determined to make someone talk, he begins having full intercourse with his girlfriend in front everyone. Mom and dad look absolutely livid but stay silent. there's A LOT of dishes! Starting to feel really bold and having no intention of losing he grabs the mother and has sex with her too. Girlfriend and dad are red and look as though they could kill but doing all those dishes us not in the plans so they somehow stay silent. Suddenly , he hears raindrops and remembers what the man said about the motorcycle. He jumps of the mother and gets the vaseline out his pants. The father stands up angrily and says "OK OK , I'll do the damn dishes!"
2006-06-17 07:01:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 hot secretaries ride in the elevator when they notice some sperm on the wall. The brunette tastes a bit with the finger and says: "Well it's not my boss'". The red head then takes a finger of it and says "It's not from my department either". The blonde finally has a try and states: "It's definitely no one from this office"
2006-06-17 07:06:55 · answer #4 · answered by chefrocker 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, this one always makes me and my friends laugh.
Once upon a time there was a man and he had three young daughters. The first daughter came up, sat on her daddy's lap and asked, "Daddy, why did you name me rose?" And the father told her that when she was born, a rose fell upon her face so they decided to name her rose. Then the second daughter came up and asked, "Daddy, why did you name me lily?" And the father told his second daughter that when she was born, a lilly fell upon her face. The the third daughter came up and said, "Der, Der, Der." "Shut up Cinderblock," replied the father.
2006-06-17 06:56:31 · answer #5 · answered by ♥iluvfoodnetwork♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i always like these 2:
What do you do if a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the hatch.
2006-06-17 06:53:16 · answer #6 · answered by Mighty Balls ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry don't know any good jokes try checking out these sites might give you a laugh.
http://www.dog-diaper.com/
http://www.indiana.edu/~wanthro/museum.htm
2006-06-17 06:52:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the doctor goes to the patient and says.
the bad new is that you have lost both your feet.
the good news is that you have a membrane that reaches the floor.
2006-06-17 06:54:56 · answer #8 · answered by que pasa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, there's a guy that actually want to send an email to his wife but accidentally he send the wrong email to a widow that just got back from her husband funurel...the email is like this :
To my dearest wife, i had arrived.... they all here r just good...i'm waiting 4 u tomorrow......when the widow got the email, she faint....
2006-06-17 06:54:03 · answer #9 · answered by Xx.GiRL.xX 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is a math teachers favorite candy?
2006-06-17 06:55:05 · answer #10 · answered by C.C. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋