If you were adopted, would you try to find your birthparents?

Question

or have you tried? how did it turn out? what resources did you find?

Answer 1

I would. Just to see if I had more siblings and if I looked like anyone else. I'd also need the closure of why they gave me up. I'm not adopted, but I think its very reasonable for an adopted child to know their biological roots. Not to mention a full medical history. That could mean alot!

Answer 2

I was not adopted, but I am an adoptive parent.

If someone is adopted in the U.S., nowdays they usually grow up knowing who their birthparents (at least birthmother) is, because most U.S. adoptions now are "open."

If it is an international adoption, they are almost always closed records. Women don't want to be found, and let's just think about the reasons for that.

Imagine being a South Asian woman who had a child as a teenager. Not married, maybe from a relatively poor background so you can't raise the child, and now there's the threat of a huge village scandal. Your family will be ruined, your name will be ruined, you won't get married, and not only that but your sisters and cousins won't get married either because your family name will be ruined if others come to know of your teenage pregnancy. You face ostracism (if not an 'honor killing') from your community and family.

You go to the nearest city to do the responsible thing and have your child in a hospital, place it for adoption, and with tears and terrible pain, you return home and try to piece your life back together. Your parents tell you now you must get married and move on with your life. No one is going to know about the pregnancy and the child or the affair that led to it. You put it behind you and though you never forget the child or the pain you left behind, you make a life for yourself and the family you live in.

Fast-forward to 20 years in the future. Now there's this foreign young adult in your village asking about you. She shows up one day and to your horror announces (maybe in front of your husband, in-laws, children, neighbors) that she's your child and she wants to know what happened. It's been known to happen that women are sometimes killed by their families, or thrown out, or have committed suicide after being outted in a situation like this.

So when my daughter is old enough, I will tell her of the risks of doing an international search, when clearly the ethic is to keep the records closed, and to move forward with the life you have. Blessings don't come often into our lives. Though adoption comes with incredible pain and loss, it also comes with incredible blessings. For all three parties involved.

I say move on.

Answer 3

If I was adopted I'd want to find them,mainly so I could ask why they gave me up. But I wouldn't want any kind of relationship with either of them, as I would never be able to trust them.

Answer 4

Sure, they could turn out to be Bill Gates or the Queen of England.

Answer 5

if i was adopted & my foster parents have been really nice & treated me more than a real child, i dont think i'll still want 2 find my birth parents...

some secrets r better kept in pandora's box

Answer 6

I will never do,they left me,maybe they have their good reason at that point in time but I wouldn't want to see them again.Is nothing left

Answer 7

no i wouldn't i would think they didn't want anything to do with me and if they did they would try to find me.

Answer 8

no