Two weeks ago, after an argument, my husband told me to "get out of [his] house." I called my sister and she got out of bed at 6am to drive the two hours to pick me up and bring me home.
Things have been bad for two years. I've had to beg for attention to get any, and mostly fail. He tells me over and over it's because I don't keep house well enough, and I try, but it makes him affectionate for a few hours, until he gets absorbed back into whatever game he's playing. Don't even ask about sex. I forget what that's like.
In any case...I've been told by friends that it's emotional abuse, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to go back, but he called my parents today and pretended to be the reasonable one. What do I tell them, since I need their support and help? They've mentioned that I've "invested ten years of my life" into this, but...I hurt, and I don't want to waste any more.
Any suggestions? Please?
2006-06-16 19:53:05 · 17 answers · asked by Tina34 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do you really want to invest the rest of your life in an emotionally abusive relationship? You deserve to be happy. Sounds like he's trying to manipulate you and your parents. You need to be honest with your parents. I would think that a parent would hopefully want their daughter to be happy. People usually don't change unless they want to and it sounds like he thinks he doesn't have a problem. You need to look at your life and what you want YOUR future to be like.
2006-06-16 19:58:54 · answer #1 · answered by Nikki 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay with your parents; and read a book called "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson.
I'm a guy, so trust me when I say that, compelling as they are to the male mind, video games are no substitute for a loving relationship with my wife, and your husband is no different. He probably wants that relationship as much as you do, but like you he has no idea how it fell apart or how to rebuild it.
I think that he still loves you but he's allowed himself to lose respect for you (a terminal illness to marriage), so you'll have to either give up and leave him or learn how to win back the respect that he owes you.
Divorced life may be better than what you have now, but a real marriage is one of the best things in life.
Please don't give up before you look at the book. Lots of people file for divorce; unfortunately it's not exactly renowned as a path to happiness. It might be easier than you think to turn things around. You have more power than you know - that's my suggestion.
2006-06-16 20:39:44 · answer #2 · answered by ijuhyg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family is an important part in a marriage. Sometimes they can make or break one. If you have a loving relationship with him really focus on making him understand that they shouldn't be talking about you like that. You or he will never change them and what they say about you, but at least they won't be doing it in front of you and him. If he fails to realize this and doesn't understand the importance of it then you may have to look at leaving him. Just realize like I said, nothing he says or does to defend you will change his family, but he definitely should be defending you to them. Good luck.
2016-05-19 22:21:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's messed up. First I'd tell him to leave my parents out of it. By him making that call, that is just another form of abuse by him trying to get your family to turn against you. Sit down and have an honest talk with your parents, now that he opened the can of worms. That is all you can do, they are either going to support you (as they should) or they are going to side with him, which will result in your family alienating you when it comes to this issue. He's definitely stripped some power from you, and I'm sorry.
2006-06-17 02:34:21 · answer #4 · answered by kathy059 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BE BOLD AND AS YOU HAVE OPTED THIS QUESTION IN Q & A OF YAHOO. TELL EVERYTHING TO YOU R PARENTS INFRONT OF YOUE HUSBAND BOLDLY AND SAY THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH HIM ANYMORE.
BUT I ALSO WANT TO KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG? ALL OF ASUDDEN.
HOW LONG YOU BOTH MARRIED?
HAVE YOU GOT ANY KIDS OUT OF HIM?
AS HE SAID HE HAS WASTED 10 YEARS OF LIFE IN THIS.
THE REASONS I WOULD LIKE TO STATE IS THIS.
1. HE MAY BE DRUG ADDICT NOW A DAYS.AND COMING
HOME LATE NIGHTS.
2. HE WOIULD HAVE BECOME ALCOHALIC.
3. OR HE MAY BE INTERESTED IN SOME OTHER WOMEN
AND WISH TO GET RID OFF YOU.
4. "until he gets absorbed back into whatever game he's p
pllaying.
Don't even ask about sex. I forget what that's like."
I FEEL PITY FOR YOU MADAM.
HE WOULD HAVE SOMWE OTHER STEPNY WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE AND WHY SHOULD HE WANTS YOU? WHEN HE GET EXHASTED BY HIS ACTVITIES ANDNO STOCK OF HIS VIGOUR WITH HIM WHERE IS THE QUESRTION OF HIS NEED FOR YOU AND HE WANTED TO QUARREL BY CREATING A SCENE.
OPENLY TALK TO YOUR PARENTS AND TRY TO COME FOR SOME MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING AND GOOD WILL OTHER WISE IT MAY BREAK.
GO THROUGH LEGAL WAY TO TACKLE THIS SITUATION
MY QUESTION IS THAT IS HE HARASSING YOU WITH ANY FIGHT OR MANHANDLING TYPES OF BEATING OR SO? IF SO THIS ALONE WILL DO FOR A SEPARATION.
DECIDE BY YOURSELVES.
BUT ONCE YOU TAKE DECISION NEVER GET AWAY FROM THAT.
IF ANY COMPROMISE IT AMOUNTS TO
" BELATED FRIENDSHIP IS DOUBLY DANGEROUS."
SO WISELY COOLY YOU TACKLE THE SITUATION FIRST OF CALLING YOUR PARENTS HOME AND OPENLY DISCUSSING WITH THEM.
A WAY WILL OPEN FOR YOU. GOOD LUCK
2006-06-16 20:16:59 · answer #5 · answered by gkakkasseri 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear you're hurting over this - it's not cool at all.
Talk to your parents, be completely open and honest, don't under play anything or sugar coat it - and don't embelish anything either.... and they will see the truth and see through his BS.
You've already done the hard part, getting out. Now, with you family's support, make it a permanant move and start a new chapter of your life.
Good Luck!
Aloha!
2006-06-16 20:06:54 · answer #6 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, don't even think about going back to him. Talk to your parents and tell them about the abuse you've suffered, and that you just can't take it any more. From a personal point of view, I wasted, not 10, but 25 years , in a similar situation. I regret it from the bottom of my heart today too. Please don't go back. Live your life before it's too late! Good Luck!!
2006-06-16 20:04:37 · answer #7 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just got out of an emotional abusive marriage and I am happy, very happy, I am a christian and so is my family, but they understand what I have been through and what I am going through, if you have a loving and understanding family they will be there for you and support you when you need them most.
2006-06-16 22:01:28 · answer #8 · answered by joquetta16 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i'am sure that when it comes to parents , there is nobody who loves you more than they do. Well i don't know about where you live, but its true here.
So you can't hide from anything for a long time, better you face it than hide.
So just tell your parents and see what happens. I'am sure that nothing bad is going to happen.
Just think what is the maximum possible thing that can happen, atleast you will know whats going to happen.
Well these things are common, and just face it, i'am sure that it will all be better sooner...........
2006-06-16 19:59:55 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I NEED MORE INFORMATION LIKE IS THS THE FIRST ARGUMENT THAT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND HAD? FIRST OF ALL ITS NOT JUST YOUR HUSBANDS HOME ITS YOURS TOO AND HE SHOULDNT BE TELLING YOU TO GET OUT OF IT! YOU SHOULD TELL HIM THAT HES THE ONE THAT SHOULD MOVE OUT IF ANYTHING. NO ONE WHO IS MARRIED SHOULD BEG FOR ATTENTION EVEN YOU AND I THINK PERSONALLY YOU COULD DO BETTER THEN HIM ANYWAY ONCE HE SEES THAT YOU ARE DOING BETTER WITHOUT HIM, HE WILL THINK TWICE TREATING YOU LIKE NOTHING TO HIM. IF HES TELLING YOU ITS BECAUSE YOU DONT DO WELL WITH KEEPING A HOUSE CLEAN, I CAN HONSETSLY SAY HES NOT WORTH THE EFFORT AS FOR TELLING YOUR PARENTS I THINK IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU TELL YOUR PARENTS EVERYTHING AND DONT BE AFRAID THAT THEY ARE GOING TO JUDGE YOU WHAT YOU ARE TELLING ME IS THAT HE IS EMOTIONALLY ABUSING YOU AND I BELIEVE IT AS FAR AS IAM CONCERNED YOU NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THIS PERSON AND START OVER YOU CANT STAY IN THIS RELATIONSHIP YOU CANT GO BACK TO HIM OR HE WILL KEEP THIS UP I KNOW I HAVE BEEN IN THAT SITUTATION AND I WASNT EVEN MARRIED TO HIM TELL YOUR PARENTS EVERYTHING HE PUT YOU THROUGH MIGHT I SUGGEST THAT YOU KEEP A DIARY OF EVERYTHING HE DOES OR SAYS IN CASE YOU HAVE TO GO TO COURT AND GET A RESTRAINING ORDER PUT OUT ON HIM HE SOUNDS LIKE HES VERY DANGEROUS TO ME REMEMBER IAM HERE IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK WITH NAD
2006-06-16 20:32:23 · answer #10 · answered by Ann C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋