What is Society's View on two people together, not married, having a child?

Question

Me and my SO have been together a year. We've been living together for 10 months. Every cent we make, we share. We have a joint bank account, we're buying our own house etc. We refer to each other as "husband" and "wife" because we consider each other such.
Everyone we know seemed fine with our relationship, until we told them we're expecting our first child in Nov... Now, it's "he's just shacking up with you, taking advantage of you, now you're knocked up, you're going to be miserable!" My mother believes that he won't be able to pick our child up from school, take him to the doctor, or otherwise be involved as a parent because WE won't have a license. She thinks the only way to make things "work" is if we get married, and he Legally Adopts our child.
My Question: If two people choose to do everything together as if they are married, BAR NONE, does society look down on that? I mean EVERYTHING. Except for getting that one peice of paper signed by a notary public.

Ok, not society's view.

What do YOU think of it, personally.

Someone asked what last name we are giving our child.

Before the baby is born, my SO and I are going to drop our current last names and change them to one and the same, a surname we've picked.

Our child will have this last name, since when he's born and the doctor's asking, it will be BOTH mother AND father's last names.

Answer 1

Are you afraid of commitment? what keeps you from getting that paper at the notary public? And what are the legal ramifications if you get in a car accident tomorrow. There is more to it than just you. what if you die and your child is small who gets custody. what if you are in a coma? There are alot of factors that would be easily solved thru a marriage commitment secularly speaking. I am assuming you are not of any religious affiliations. I think Secular society dosen't really care these days if you are married or not they don't really care about marriage any more it's more what makes you happy and you go to whatever makes you happy. That is the secular answer.

Answer 2

If you live in any of the following states, you already have a common law marriage: Alabama, Colorado, District of Columbia, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, or Utah. You don't need to go through the hassle of changing names - you can legally take his name and just start using it with no repercussions (but hey, if you really like the name you both picked out, go for it). The only stipluations to maintaining the "marriage" is that you must cohabitate and file joint tax returns, so if you want to maintain your 'single' status - make sure you file those returns seperately!

Regardless of where you live, there should be no difficulties or repercussions in regards to your child by electing not to marry. Schools, hospitals, courts, etc., etc., will only be concerned with who the legal father is - and if he signs the birth certificate, you guys are golden. It would probably cut down on confusion if you both have the same last name (that mutual change of name idea is fantastic! Wish I'd thought of it!), which could be crucial in an emergency situation, but that's the only time I could see it being truly beneficial.

I don't think "society" is really going to look differently at you - most people are just going to assume you're married, especially if you both have the same last name. You may get some weird looks from people if you correct them, but I doubt it will go much further than that.

Don't listen to most of the folks on here - if you don't want to get married, that's YOUR business! It's just a piece of paper, after all - and it certainly doesn't contain instructions for a happy relationship! Do what you want to do with your life - and ignore the folks who try to tell you to do otherwise.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

2 questions for you: Who's society? and Does it matter?

Most Americans (which is the only society I can answer for) don't feel super comfortable with it, but we're becoming a little more liberal every day, I think.

I'll give you some advice, though. Your rmother is right that you will have trouble if you are not married. The law does not allow for as much power over the other's life if you are not married. They can't make decisions for you in case of an accident, give consent for the child, ect ect. If you are only holding out on marriage because of some kind of principle, I would suggest squashing it. If you do EVERYTHING as a couple anyway, then the "piece of paper" won't make it harder on you - it will only make it easier. You don't have to think of it as a big deal - just think of it as a path toward an easier way of life. If you love your significant other, then sit down and decide if you are willing to committ to being with that SO forever. Are you willing? If yes, then maybe marriage won't hurt anyone. If no, then rethink the situation.

It doesn't matter how society looks on it - it only matters how you are treated - and things will be tougher for you if you try to live as husband and wife but are not legally husband and wife.

Answer 4

Two people do not have to be married to be in a committed relationship. As far as him not being able to pick up the child from school that is a bunch of crap. If you put his name on the birth certificate then he has just as much legal right to the child as you do. Most states recognize common law marriages once a child is born provided the two of you are living together.

I think your mother is mis informed....I will tell you though that in the event of you seperating after the child is born you will play hell getting custody of the child. I had a similar situation and 3 years after my daughter was born things went wayyyy bad. My attorney told me the only way to get a custody order was to marry him for at least 6 months and then file for divorce. Without the custody order he can take the child and run. Nothing illegal about it . Just thought you should know all sides of the issue.

Answer 5

you may actually stay mutually in the previous getting married. BTW i imagine you're off on your reasoning for the better divorce price between those who cohabitate earlier to marriage. i imagine that folk who come from an quite strict non secular upbringing have a tendency no longer to stay mutually in the previous tying the knot and so that they're a similar crew who's way less probable to divorce or would receive annulments as an entire because it really is not as ideal. I actually were with my husband now because that i replaced into 16. We moved in mutually at the same time as i replaced into 18, married at the same time as i replaced into 21 and are nevertheless luckily committed to at least one yet another and our marriage at 30. We were given married when we determined to have little ones yet searching back you're proper, it replaced no longer some thing. We nevertheless sense the very similar about one yet another as we did in the previous we wasted money procuring a piece of paper that asserts we are "married".

Answer 6

The most important thing is what is best for the child. In our society marriage gives the commitment from each person to each other "I am here for you", dedicated to our union. Then the child comes into a home that is strong to provide the love and caring that will last though it's growing up into a healthy adult. I did not model that for my child. I am divorced twice, short term marriages. My daughter is 42. and does what her mother did. No deep, profound, loving commitment to each other.....just one relationship after another. It is not about what society says it is about your caring enough to make a commitment to each other on paper. Your love is beautiful. Make a firm foundation for life's journey.

Answer 7

OK...I HAVE to answer this one!......My Aunt & her Man have lived together for 24 yrs....no Marriage.....they own a business, a house, 4 cars, share bank accounts, have time shares, & call each other Husband & Wife.....they also have 2 kids together....who are grown, Married with kids of their own...........OK.....first off.....Yes, he was able to take the kids to the Dr....as long as he is signed on the Birth Certificate that he is the Father...there is NO problem...there shouldnt be a problem anyway.......as far as school goes......as long as his name is on the pick up list for acceptable people to pick your child up.....he can......He can be involved as a Parent in EVERY form of being a Parent as long as he willingly does it....or you allow it.....not to mention......IT IS HIS KID TOO!......Just because the 2 of you are not Married does not mean anything.....if any of this were true....there would be ALOT of Step Parents that wouldnt be allowed to take care of their Step Children....or Foster Parents....or Adoptive Parents......Maritial Status does not stop the Parentage of a child.....Getting Married & Legally adopting your child....ummm....doesnt make sence to me...but ok.....My Aunt put his last name on the Birth Certificate as their Father...giving the children HIS last name.....he signed it...therefore Acknowledging his kids....you dont have to be Married.....some people dont consider Marriage when in a relationship....my Aunt & "Uncle" have such a Beautiful relationship....they dont argue all the time, but they do have spats....they have been together 24 yrs....going on 25...& they are EXTREMELY Happy...it came up a LONG time ago...about them getting Married...& they decided against it....they felt it would tarnish what they have......we all accept this as their union....The kids still call him Daddy....& the Grandbabies still call him Papa......soooo...Honey....dont listen to that.....If living together makes the 2 of you Happy...I say go for it.....Having this baby is not the end of the world.....it should be celebrated....a child is a gift from God.....I hope the 2 of you find Happiness & Peace in your life together.....Congrats on the Baby....& dont worry about Mom...she is just wanting the wedding....lol...Most Moms do....even though my Daughter is only 7...I still find myself trying to "plan" her wedding....lol....GOOD LUCK....& GOD BLESS

Answer 8

Society view is nothing, dear! Getting married is for the baby's own sake! You don't want to bring the child up yourself if something happens? Say, if he dumps you? Or dies? If that's his legally son, then his parents will help; else, you have no chances. I hope you are wise enough to decide that. If you want to have a chid, why not get married first?

Answer 9

I think it's a personal choice that you can make on your own. I know it's hard not to care about what other people think, but what about all those celebrities that are getting away with it at the moment, everyone can be happy for them. Depending on people's different religions, social setting and background will shape their view, but if it's not what you want, then don't marry...

Answer 10

The only real negative in my opinion is if something happens to one of you, the other has no legal rights. And as far as him adopting his own child, that's ridiculous. I assume his name, as father, will be on the birth certifcate. Whose last name will the child have? Perhaps a combination of you both?
Personally I dont believe in that piece of paper......never have.
It's oftentimes a curse in my opinion.