Can this marriage work?

Question

I've been married 3 yrs He is 12 yrs older We cant get pregnant He constantly lies about the dumbest things and he is not good at it so my friends find him to be an idiot and I am embarrassed by him. We work different shifts so I basically see him on fridays. He always says he is taking me out to a movie or something but instead he goes bargin hunting at thrift shops and i loose track of him for an hour or two. When we eat out we dont talk. I always end up feeling like it was a waste of my day and then I start to think Iam wasting my life. He is fun with other people around but a silly fun He is the annoying guy every one avoids at a party if you get what i mean. When I sit with him to discuss the problem its as if i am talking with the air, i have even asked if we should consider seperating it doesnt seem to phase him its as if I am doing this on my own. I run the house,I calculate the bills, if there's any problem or situation i handle it Iam just drained.

Answer 1

You don't give your ages that would establish where each of you are in life and that could make a big difference. However, I am going to assume that you both are mature adults.
Have you asked yourself what it was that made you fall in love with him? Is that still there? Have you seriously considered that the reason you married him was valid and that your decision to marry him was based on honesty to yourself?
a large age difference can make a great deal of difference if one is immature vs the other, and if one has some life experiences that the younger one has yet to experience or discover. This causes discontent, and often times this discontent can be misread into believing some of the things you mention in your post.
If you, or he went into this marriage knowing that no marriages are ever 50/50, then I would say the things you do are more normal than not in a marriage. Many women handle the finances and run the house.
Are you really confident that you knew him well enough before saying, "yes"? It sounds like you didn't but you are the only one who knows these answers.
Sometimes, one or both partners need to make some changes in order for the marriage to succeed, and it sounds like the two of you should consider some marriage counseling before throwing away something that three years ago you felt was important enough to marry.
You mention is it "like talking to air". It is possible that your way of communication is not what he can respond to, and that is what a marriage counselor really helps with, communication.
There are many couples with large age differences, some even more that do really well. One is my younger sister whose husband is 17 yrs older than her. They are very happily married for years because even with the age difference they took time to get to know each other, and they communicate. Don't misunderstand, they have fights just like anyone else with disagreements sometimes based on the age difference in views, but it works. She was 30 and he was 47 when they got married, really two different generations.
What the point is, is really more about each of you as individuals and as a couple over the age variance.
The other consideration is maybe neither one of you know what it takes to make a marriage work and how it can often seem out of balance.
It is during the times of "imbalance" that it really takes work. Maybe the two of you don't want to work that hard, and if that is true, then you should have never married, for a good marriage takes alot of work.
One thing you must never do, is threaten to separate, that just causes insecurity.
Finally, why in the world, if you feel this way would you want to have a child? Please don't express that you think a child would help your marriage because it won't, no way, no how.
Children deserve to be brought up in a family enviornment that is healthy and content with two parents that love each other and are mature enough to deal with their problems like adults.
Fix yourself, and your marriage before bringing in a baby. Everyone, including the child will be much happier if you do.
If it doesn't work out, then you won't be a single parent, and the child won't be cheated out of a family enviornment.
Think about these things, and I hope you will find some middle ground that can turn your marriage into one that will last.

Answer 2

There is no such thing as "traditional" marriage, or the "traditional" family anymore. As a Christian it bothers me that there are so many other Christians that are so against gay marriage. The Bible speaks against sex before marriage - why not move to have co-habitation of heterosexual couples made illegal? Or how about sex before marriage for that fact? You may not agree with a person's sexual orientation but that doesn't make them any less of a person and any less worthy of equality. Tricky Mind says "maybe God likes gay people" - God loves anyone gay or straight. The sooner the right wing fundamentalists get that the better.

Answer 3

This is a no-brainer.. He is not worth the time or effort. Everyday you spend with him is one day you'll NEVER get back. Take what you absolutely need, store it somewhere safe where he can't get at it and see an attorney about ending this nonsense.

Answer 4

Do you have any bad habbits that he is overlooking? Do you love him? If you can imagine the rest of your life without him as being one guilt free, go for it. I must say that your friends opinions should not ever be a deciding factor over your husband.

Answer 5

Sorry but you asked. It sounds like a waste of time. You don't have a relationship at all. Don't waste anymore of your time. I think you know this already. Do what you feel you should.
God Bless.

Answer 6

ya'll should talk to a counselor and if that doesn't work. you should move on with your life because your not really happy and you know it. it seems like your talking to a brick wall. your embarrassed by him and everything. i don't think ya'll should be together but, i mean, its up to you.

Answer 7

No if he's 12 years old
Not going to work!

Answer 8

there must be a reason why u got married if not why be there ur nagging about it already! ur young and have someone waiting 4 u

Answer 9

no no no its not going to work. unless you like lazy guys.
get real this guy is to old for you does nothing. you should divorce him and go find someone younger and more exciting

Answer 10

gee kinda sounds like his mom not a wife........again you need to do alot of soul sesrching we only hav ethis live ....be happy you say you take care of everything ...then do so on your own...he will find another mommy ....