dont get along at all, but all of a sudden, she finds out we're dating and now is trying to get him back i think. he says he'll never go back to her, but i still feel insecure, knowing she's always bad mouthing me. how can i bring this up to him without sounding whiny or insecure? thanks in advance.
2006-06-16 18:28:30 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ps- he has been divorced for 2 years
2006-06-16 18:43:33 · update #1
Candy always looks better in some one else's hand. Dont give her a 2nd thought. I can understand your being uneasy. But he knows what's in his past. Simply enjoy his company and his little one as well. No games, no pretending, and be yourself. You will shine in comparison to her, and you wont need to bring anything up. He will show you where you stand in his life.....which of course will drive her up a wall of jealousy!
2006-06-16 18:35:15 · answer #1 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 10⤊ 4⤋
If he says he'll never go back to her, then take him at his word. They are divorced for a reason! He is with you now. It will be hard, but try not to feel insecure. She is bad-mouthing you because she feels insecure herself, and this is her only way to lash out at you. Whatever you do, DO NOT lower yourself to her level by bad-mouthing her. This too will be extremely difficult, but try to do your best. If you bad-mouth her, even though they are divorced, he may not appreciate you doing this - after all, she is the mother of his child. Which brings me to another point - absolutely DO NOT bad-mouth her in front of his child. Let him know how you feel - ask his opinion about what he thinks you should do - maybe he can even give you some suggestions on how to deal with her. Then let it go - otherwise, if you continuously bring it up, then you WILL sound whiny and insecure. The last thing you want to do is undermine the relationship the two of you have. Best of luck to you.
2006-06-17 01:54:23 · answer #2 · answered by BRIAN W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of'course she is bad mouthing you. That's what ex's do, right?
My guess is that she is probably not even really trying to get back with him. Rather, she just wants him to be alone so she still has perceived control over him.
Did she leave him? Does she have a man?...or did she?
No matter the circumstance, she doesn't want to see him happy with another woman. She really doesn't want another woman to have a relationship/influence on her child.
Your man is in a horrible position. He has to keep his exwife happy, listen to her crap, put up with miserable stuff, etc., otherwise she will go crazy and mess with his kid situation. On the other hand, he has you worrying, judging, being concerned, questioning his feelings towards her and how he handles his situation. He is in a lose, lose situation.
I mean, what can he do to satisfy your feelings? Obviously, him telling you that he would never go back to his exwife is not good enough for you. You know, no matter what, she is going to bad mouth you to him, their child and whoever else will listen. Having stated those facts, what can be done?
Your feelings are natural. You are in a bad place to. It is not fair that she has free reign to bad mouth you to him. Also, I bet, you bad mouthing her doesn't go over well either, if you do so. You have to deal with him having to maintain a relationship with his exwife as well.
I don't know if there is a good answer to your question. I don't think it is unfair to discuss. However, is there anything he could say that would make you feel better? If so, I would like to know what it is.
Good Luck
2006-06-17 02:03:55 · answer #3 · answered by Cing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you know she is bad mouthing you? Is he telling you she is? Honey, two months is not a long enough time frame for him to be over the end of his marraige. Divorce is not an actual death, but it is the death of a relationship, and there really is a sort of a mourning period. He may be on the rebound, and not aware of it himself. As far as her bad mouthing you, if it's not true, why be concerned, even if it is true, and he genuinly cares for you, he will know that she is just grasping at straws. A word of advise, she may not care, and may not be saying a word, don't believe everything you hear, and for future reference, don't go after newely divorced men, they are usually not looking for love, just someone to help fill their needs and get over and or thru what they are going through.
2006-06-17 01:40:31 · answer #4 · answered by Noreen H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is a very important part of a relationship and so is communication.
Sit down with him and have a talk, then trust what your feelings tell you. If you believe him , then trust him.
He has enough pressure on him from the ex.
Just remember as long as there is a child , they will be connected and ask youself if you are willing to live with that . Again it goes back to trust .
2006-06-17 01:38:44 · answer #5 · answered by cheeky chic 379 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they don't get along --- that speaks volumes and he knows how she is and you don't need to say anything to him about her bad mouthing you --- he can't make her stop --- you know what she's saying isn't true and the same goes for anyone who knows you --- don't sink to her level --- I don't know any man who's ever returned to a woman who's always bad mouthing someone --- relax , she's just blowing hot air - you got him and that's enough for you to concentrate on and being a good role model for the child.
2006-06-17 01:36:37 · answer #6 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she will always be special because she was married to him and marriage is a very strong bond. but he might be telling the truth. she is more powerful than you are because she can use the kid and she afterall has that position - ex-wife/baby's mother. but if you love him, don't let go. know if he loves you too.
2006-06-17 01:32:38 · answer #7 · answered by Black 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find out where he's coming from with his ex. Then express your concerns and most of all, don't get between him and his ex, it will only make the situtation more tense than it is !!!!!!
2006-06-17 01:33:26 · answer #8 · answered by quiet times 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well just ask him his feeling he has toward you does he say he love you can you see it when you look in his eye you just have to realize his x is very jealious of you and this bring up insecure feeling in you and you start thinking you are going to lose your boy friend i wouldnt worry about it ok
2006-06-17 01:34:40 · answer #9 · answered by little ace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
act like it doesn't even bother you.
But DO step your game up..look a little better, be a little more mysterious and interesting.....
AND don't hang onto him like you're afraid.
2006-06-17 01:42:51 · answer #10 · answered by FavoredbyU 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋