First,girlfriend betrayed then she got betrayed. Now she's trying to make up....what do i do?

Question

Good at academics but failed at trust.Met a girl from Calgary online,known her for 4 years.She never gave her contact info and I'd not asked for over a yr to avoid looking desperate.When I did ask, all I got was excuses.Second year,she got engaged and claimed that it was because of parental pressure(orthodox family) and never let me call or meet even once.I was torn apart for I really loved her but she left me shattered by going out with mom to buy an engagement ring for a man "chosen" by her parents whom even she "liked" but not loved in her words.still no contact info.Two months down the line,she came back crying on voice chat that the man she got engaged to was having an affair with another woman and the marriage plans had been shelved.Now she cries,regrets and wants to make up but hasn't let me call despite requests for she fears revenge n wants time to be open.I love her but I fear unreliability.Do I give her time or cut off?was so hurt tht I stayed away frm new relationships

Answer 1

Sorry to say that I'm inclined to believe that she liked the man she was engaged with. Why? Because if she didn't, why did she cry when she learned about him having an affair with another woman? In stead, she should have been happy to learn that because she would have the chance to choose the man she should marry or at least, if still her parents would choose for her, she would be engaged to someone she might lilke at the end.

What I am trying to drive at is that I don't think it's possible for you to have a happy relationship with someone who does not know how to follow what her heart dictates and who knows only how to be an obedient daughter even if it would letting go of someone she loves.

A woman who loves should always find ways to pursue her feelings and should not let anybody else do the choosing for her behalf because marriage is a lifetime career and it will be very depressing and lonely to be married with someone she doesn't love at all.

Believe me, if she loves you, she will use all means to have a relationship with you even if it would mean her parents' anger and disappointment. She should learn to live her own life the way she wants to and not how the way others want her to.

If she is meant for you, Destiny will work towards your having her. If not, Destiny will make things happen to make you move on without her. Believe in Destiny and you will never go wrong.

Answer 2

Oh Hon--let me get this straight....you met a girl on line *four years* ago, and she has made excuses that WHOLE time, about not actually physically meeting?? She gets engaged to someone else(or so she says), because her parents say she should(or so she says), still won't meet you, or even talk on the phone, she messages on microphone, crying because he cheats on her(or so she says), STILL won't call or meet.....oh my god, where do I start?
Call me old fashioned, but relationships are based on three things, trust, honesty, and respect. BOTH ways. While a certain amount of trust must just be assumed/given, it must also then be honoured and borne out by the other person's behaviour. It is TOTALLY disrespectful for her to expect that you would wait for anyone for that long without any way of confirming anything she has told you. In fact I strongly suspect she is lying about at least one element of her story, but probably most of it.
Trust me --I have been around the block a time or two--SHE IS DEFINITELY LYING. I don't know why, or about what, but she's lying about something. And I don't think it's one of those "little white" ones.
Sorry, but I feel convinced of this.
As to you--what the... have you been thinking, dude? I don't mean to be disrespectful--honestly. But you said you didn't push for any contact details for a whole year, even though you were both supposedly in love, because you didn't want to look desperate?
Please , please, please, understand this----waiting and waiting and waiting....and waiting...and waiting....and then.......oh right....WAITING....while someone temporises, hums and haws, puts you off, GETS ENGAGED (!!!!!!??????), and then does it all over again, is not being "cool" and self-respecting, it's the opposite. You DESERVE to know, for SURE, what you are buying into. It's basic respect for yourself to ask, at a certain point, fairly early on in talk of "relationship", for some confirmation and commitment. And it is basic respect , on her part, to comply. In fact, if she was for real, she would abslutely for certain be asking for the same.
In short--something is up dude--with this whole thing. Run , and don't stop running (ie: I strongly recommend cutting all contact, gently but firmly, on the basis that this situation does not contain the respect usually afforded to the local gas station attendant)--and do a little thinking about setting boundaries and expectations more in line with the idea that you are a man worth every ounce of effort and attention and sincerity that you seem to offer.
I'm sorry to be so bluntly definite about how "wrong" she is. I really am. Believe me--I know what it's like to feel so much, about someone who is being SO not clear and respectful. Resist the urge to make excuses (for her). Just get out. Really.

Answer 3

i think that u should just leave her a lone b cause from my point of view she is no good for getting married behind your back. She never gave u her phone # cause she just needed some one to talk to and u were there and u would be better off with some one else cause she is not the one for u. u need someone who will give u there phone # and take u serious. She was just playin games with u. I know ur heart is broken but it will get better. Just dont take her back because she needs somebody to talk to again dont give in
I hope everything gets better for u.

Answer 4

This person sounds like a compulsive liar. And played you for all you were worth, from the very beginning. Think about it.
Do NOT believe a word she says. Look what she's done to your mental state. You dont need someone like that in your life to destroy your emotions. Life is too short......Go out and start enjoying yourself, and your freedom!
REMEMBER: What goes around, comes around. She's getting what she deserves. Let her cry her tale of woe to someone else who might believe it.

Answer 5

first off you should let her go. she betrayed you. and im quite sure that if it was you she would never look back. so you may have had a bad relationship.there are plenty of girls who will except you and treat you right. just keep it moving man dont stop for girls like that.

Answer 6

dont go back to her how do you know itll never happen again and this was a major lie i could understand if it was something small but getting engaged wow!

Answer 7

WELL, GO TALK TO HER AND GET BACK TOGETHER AND IF SHE CHEATS AGAIN LEAVE AND DON'T COME BACK!