My daughter is a lovely, intelligent individual, but is teased at her high school by her peers. She comes home and cries and asks me "Mom, why do they tease me? I haven't done anything to them!"
I don't know how to answer her, nor do I really know how to comfort her, other than to try to reassure her that she is loved and just as normal as everyone else.
I feel that this will ultimately lower her self-worth and truly affect her badly as an adult. I actually think it already has.
Does anyone have any suggestions or insight or experience in this? What worked for you?
2006-06-16 14:59:07 · 13 answers · asked by The Gardener 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Everyone gets teased. We all have for one reason of another. Tell her about a personal experience that you had and explain the above to her. Ask her to think of others in her school who get teased...............they all do.
Put-downs hurt and they do lower self esteem if we allow them to. You need to raise her self esteem and teach her how to deal with it. She needs to stand up to the people who are teasing and say something back. Teach her how to stand tall and use a tone of voice that lets them know that she will not accept it. They will back down. I teach middle school students how to use this process and it really does work. The other thing she needs to realize is that it is not true. Those kids feel bad about themselves so they tease other people and think that will make them feel better. Her best defense is to stand up tall, take a stance and lean forward, look them straight in the eye, put up her hands and say phhh! your words mean nothing to me..........go bother someone else. And then walk away quickly and keep right on walking. Or have her say.........thanks for sharing that with me I will take it into consideration...............and just keep walking.
2006-06-16 15:08:59 · answer #1 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It makes me sad to read this, because I was teased terribly through most of school. And it really hurt my self-esteem, because I was sensitive and took everything personally. It did take me a long time to get over it, too. I can tell you, though, that now (at 33), I'm a happy, well-adjusted person.
It's heart-breaking to watch your kids go through a tough time. I have a young daughter, and I already find myself watching her interactions, hoping she's not the one teased. Remember, though, that kids can be insecure and can be very mean because of their insecurities. I'm sure your daughter is everything you describe - lovely and intelligent. Other kids may be jealous of that (secretly) or they may be intimidated and channel their intimidation by ganging up on her. She may be smarter and more mature than the others, and thus stand out. In high school, people are learning how to be socialized, and for many that means teasing people who are a little different. But in the long run, she'll have a stronger character, and maybe she'll be more successful because of it.
If she expresses a desire to go to a different school, and there is another option available, consider it. It's not running away when you're dealing with bullies. If she goes to college after hs, she'll see that college kids don't behave this way anymore. It really does stop after high school. I wish I could be more helpful!
2006-06-16 22:16:01 · answer #2 · answered by laura palmer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to her and find out what she is being teased about. She needs to let out her emotions to someone - if she holds it in it will get worse. There isn't too much you can do for her - just be there for her and comfort her, and let her know she can trust you.
You can't stop the kids at school teasing her - but maybe if you knew what they are teasing her about you could help somehow. Highschool is a mean place, it's full of clicks and people who just want to put others down. Just be there for her and help her - luckily high school is only 4yrs.
2006-06-16 22:05:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teenage years are the hardest to deal with...so many factors from in between childhood and adulthood to hormonal changes. Loving your daughter is the best thing. Keep telling her that she is special and that we don't really know why there are so many mean people in the world but we guess that those kind of people are insecure, have dysfunctional family lives and when they grow up to be adults it will come back to bite them because God won't forget and will teach them a lesson. Wish we had more caring parents like you around. Best wishes!
2006-06-16 22:12:10 · answer #4 · answered by rggiggles 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a friend of mines sister got teased very badly, so much so that she was pulling out her hair. i am glad to say that when she started to go to a different school nearby, she was much happier and excelled. i know that it may not be an option for you, but it was just a thought. if she got involved with a group at school(swiming, art clubs, choir, really anything she can enter act with her peers) she may be happier or it might help or it might back fire, but its always worth a try to make friends. plus it may give those kids that are teasing her a chance to really get to know her and treat her better.
2006-06-16 22:10:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could explain to your daughter that the main reason why she probably is teased is because they are jealous of her. And insecure about themselves so they feel better when they see how it upsets her. Teach her to ignore them- they won't bother if they can't feel mighty and they won't feel mighty if she acts like it's nothing. Tho this is easier said then done. Good luck.
2006-06-16 22:03:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first question would be, in what way do they tease her?
Does she not have any friends, that you can check with?
They're picking on her for a reason. And you need to get to the bottom of it. It can be a group who are taunting others as well.
2006-06-16 22:08:59 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, as a high schooler speaking, there isnt' much you can do. Just try to have her ignore them. They won't stop. Telling on them will probably make it worse. Hopefully it's just a phase they're going through. If it's in a class, have her moved to another class.
2006-06-16 22:02:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mine went through the same thing.
I finally convinced her that smiling at them and walking away left them feeling as insecure as they tried to make her, and once she perfected the shoulders up and sincere smile,, guess what ,, it stopped.
Then we got her involved in every club and activity that she had any interest in and at first I stayed totally parent involved and now we have no issues at all with it.
2006-06-16 22:07:58 · answer #9 · answered by yeller 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could change her to a different school nearby that or you can give her a complete makeover and if she is overwieght you can go on a diet with her girls in high school are very concious about looks so they make fun of people who dont look like what they think that they should look like
2006-06-16 22:25:23 · answer #10 · answered by Nightchild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋