My partner and I are looking to have a threesome. I asked a question and someone said to talk about it all before hand. I have tried to talk to my partner about things that I will or will not do, and when I put up any boundries he says to forget it because it means there is a lack of trust and we need to be totally free in this experience. How can I make him understand that I want this, but need to have boundries without him totally backing out? Is it me,or does his thinking of "all or nothing" seem ridiculous?
2006-06-16 14:50:00 · 9 answers · asked by Doodlebug 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Unfortunately, nobody can answer this for you. I know of two couples who play with others, one couple sets boundaries (certain activities that they will only do with each other and not with a third person) while the other couple does not set boundaries.
Obviously, you two can't enter into this without coming to some middle ground. You have to explain to him why you think boundaries are necessary - I don't think its a trust issue but of keeping something special between just you. And you need to understand that his lack of boundaries does not mean he doesn't love or care for you or is looking for someone else.
2006-06-16 16:53:08 · answer #1 · answered by dougeebear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your right you need to have boundaries. I would expect the 3rd person to have rules as well not just you. Just let him know it's either what you say with the rules you want or not doing it at all. It's not about a lack of trust, you need to feel comfortable while doing this otherwise it won't be the experience your looking for. Good luck in trying to convince him. Maybe you and him can come up with the boundaries as in you have some but he disagrees so you make a compromise.
2006-06-16 22:00:42 · answer #2 · answered by Katie Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I watched an episode of Sex in the City that struck a chord, it was unusal as I rarely watch tv.
Carrie was trying to figure out why her boyfriend (Mr. Big) had a threesome with his ex wife of all people!
This was his answer: We were both looking for different things by that point in our relationship. I think Mr. Big hit the nail on the head.. It's about searching for something else, and actually moving away from the person you are with, rather than closer to them.
Good luck, T
2006-06-20 13:05:12 · answer #3 · answered by tula_p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you have every right to have boundaries if you are going to be involved in threesome. The best of diseases are gained through couples playing - as well as the best of break ups and partners straying. Why do you feel the need to have a threesome? Is it an equal want or does he want it more? I'd dig deeper into the desire as it seems a bigger picture to me.
2006-06-17 03:36:50 · answer #4 · answered by Mister Avatar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ugh! Yes, this "all or nothing" attitude is absolutely absurd!! If he was as smart as he probably thinks he is.....he would let you have those boundaries, cuz if you end up liking it...which maybe just maybe you really will...then maybe the next time or sometime after that you would feel more free to let the boundaries down.
Good luck to you in whatever you choose! He sounds very selfcentered to me....and maybe he is not so worthy of a threesome anyway!!
2006-06-16 21:58:44 · answer #5 · answered by bettywitdabigbooty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love this guy you're with? Do you honestly want him makin love to someone else while you are there also. I'm a lesbian and there's NO WAY some guy or girl could be apart of the love with share. Maybe he just really loves you and don't want to share you with someone else. But if you do decide to go through with this, the there should definitely be boundaries
2006-06-16 21:55:51 · answer #6 · answered by Kake Hess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Assuming it's gg/b ask him what boundaries he would like if it were bb/g or could the other guy do anything to him he wanted?
2006-06-16 22:14:40 · answer #7 · answered by MC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For some reason he is not wanting to be understanding. That is what you probably need to be talking to him about.
2006-06-16 21:59:20 · answer #8 · answered by West Virginia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never let anybody pressure you into doing things you don't want to. Fcuk "trust."
2006-06-16 22:12:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋