How do you deal with this one?

Question

so i'm getting divorced, and we've only been seperated 1 month, and i had to come to chicago for a family get together, and there is this dish that my grandma makes that i cannot stand and my husband used to always eat my serving for me cause he knew how much i hated it, and this time he's not here, and i can't stop crying... i miss him so much. but he's not the man i married anymore, and i want him back so bad...

Answer 1

First, get counseling. Figure out whether you love the idea of being married or if you love the man. Figure out exactly what changed from courtship to unhappily married. Figure out if he really is not the man you married or if your expectations of married life are unrealistic. Are you the woman HE married? When you can answer most of these questions with withering honesty, then you will be hard on the heals of knowing how to deal with this one.

As for Grandma's unpalatable dish, either have the self discipline to eat it yourself (with a smile no less) or develop the spine to say "No thank your, my plate is full". I have had a similar problem and alternate between the two approaches depending on the dish and the occasion.

Best of luck as you work things out.

Answer 2

Hi, I am sorry to hear about your divorce. My parents got a divorce, it was a year ago April...Very hard thing to do.
First of all, I would like to understand, why are you getting a divorce? How long were you married and what has changed? It is hard when people change...My father was not the man my mother married 27 years ago. But they say you either grow together or grow apart.
Have you guy considered marriage counseling? If you did/did not what was the outcome.
The other thing is too, you must have a good reason for leaving him. The best thing I can tell you is follow your heart. This advice is universal to everyone. It is one of the hardest things you can do. It may lead you down some scary/unknown paths, but usually the outcome is for the best. If you gut is telling you your relationship isn't right, that is for a reason. Try not to deny that inner voice within yourself.
You will go through the bereavement stages of loss. This is true in break ups and divorces. I know that I went through the stages of bereavement. I was all over the place. I had a constant anger that went from depression to sadness. Give yourself a break girl. Its only been one month. You need time to get used to the idea of the divorce. I am sure this does not seem real to you right now.
I also would think about counseling for yourself. I think it is a beneficial part in the healing process. I also know that finding a counselor is just like trying on the perfect dress. You may have to try several before you find the right one for you. Don't give up, you are going to be fine.
I wish you a lot of luck with your situation, and I hope that you listen to your inner voice and just follow your heart.

Answer 3

Your sadness is understandable. There were a lot of good things that made your marriage a good thing. Every relationship works at some level. Maybe the key is learning what was missing. He is the same man but I wonder what it was that you needed? There are probably some things you expected from your husband - reasobably expected - and he didn't understand that you needed them. Or perhaps he just can't do those things.

I'm hearing a reconciliation possibility. Maybe you should slow walk the divorce and see if there is common ground for you to find with him. No harm in trying. If it doesn't work, it is good to remember the good times and let the bad times fade into forgotten history.

Answer 4

I think you're feeling sad because when you got married you expected it to last forever and it's not. You're feeling sad for what was going to be and now isn't. After being separated for only 1 month what you're feeling is natural. Also after only one month maybe this is still fixable. Have you gone for marriage counseling?

Answer 5

You still love your husband and if you still love him there is still hope. Talk to him about how you feel and if you want to give it another try see if he is willing too. If you both agree there is still hope, get into marriage counseling and get your marriage back on the right track.
As long as there is love and a will to work things out your marriage can be saved.

Answer 6

YOUR MISSING YOUR HUSBAND DURING THAT OCCASION REALLY MEANS THAT YOU STILL LOVE HIM. YOUR SEPARATION WHICH WILL EVENTUALLY LEAD TO DIVORCE MAY BE A TEST OF THE KIND OF LOVE THAT YOU HAD FOR EACH OTHER. YOU STILL HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO TRY TO GET HIM BACK TO YOU BUT THAT IS ONLY IF HE STILL LOVES YOU. YOU KNOW HIS PERSONALITY AND YOU AND YOU ALONE CAN MAKE MOVES THAT HE WILL SURELY APPRECIATE.

ANALYZE WHAT PROBLEM CAUSED YOUR SEPARATION. IF IT WAS YOUR FAULT, ASK FOR HIS FORGIVENESS; IF IT WAS HIS FAULT, IF YOU WANT HIM BACK, FORGIVE HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART. WITH THAT, IT'S POSSIBLE THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP MAY HAVE A SECOND ROUND. WITH THAT CHANCE, BOTH OF YOU SHOULD STRIVE HARD TO MAKE THAT RELATIONSHIP WORK AND LAST FOREVER.

Answer 7

you pick up your head, brush your hair, and start all over again. Age old story, take comfort that it happens many times every day, and certainly happened to many of us in the past. I am so sorry you hurt so bad...but it will get better, and time wounds all heels. Good luck

Answer 8

Hey todays your lucky day, I live in chicago, im hungry and I love women. Just email me the address and ill be right over.

Answer 9

but he's not the man I married anymore says you.....the man you want no longer exist.....of course it's sad the relationship has to come to an end.....you gotta move on.....look for the type of man that you actually want....

Answer 10

politely decline the serving, and call your husband. ....why are you getting divorced? I hope you can work it out!