I'm scared for my daughther...?

Question

Maybe I'm just thinking too much... When I was ten years old I was raped by my older brother, and he always touch me when I was even younger... Now I'm married and have a daughther that is two years old. I'm always scared that my husband migth do something to my baby or touch her. I'm always checking on them him. But sometimes when I'm sitting on front of my husband and daughter, when I turn around and look at them my husband takes his hand away quickly... And it makes me wonder if he was touching her. Then last nigth I got up to get some milk for my baby, I stop and turn around and he was like reaching over to her but then he turned around and saw me looking so he put his hand back... I don't know, but it worries me. Am I wierd? Sometimes I feel as if I know he does it, and it makes me hate him, but then some times I think that he probaly don't.

Yes, my husband does know what has happend to me when I was younger. When I told him he did not say anything. My husband does not like to talk or try to work things out, he doesn't listen to me. Every thing I say to him I get a "yeah yeah". When I talk to him he doesn't even answer me sometimes. If I ask him about it, he probaly say no and just walk away... And no, I know my husband would not try any counseling. He wouldn't even let me get counseling by myself, he needs me home to watch our baby so he could go out. And no, I don't trust him. He has lied alot to me and lied alot about me to others. The only reason why we got married is because I was pregnant. And, no we are not happily married as you can see already.

Answer 1

I think that you husband is just playing with your daughter. But you never know im sorry to say. try investigating.

Answer 2

This is a big issue and you need to talk to your husband about what happened to you and how you are feeling now. Just because your brother touched you doesn't mean your husband is going to do the same thing to your daughter. But, if you are uncomfortable then there is an issue. Be honest with him about how you feel.
You should get into counseling because you need to deal with and get over the horrible things that have happened to you. Family counseling might be good or marriage counseling - because your husband needs to be a part of the process.

Answer 3

Personally - I think you're fine. I've taken a lot of classes regarding child abuse and sexual assult - and I do know that for many women, they have reoccuring issues when they have children, particularly when the children are the same age that the victim was when she was abused. I think if you're concerned about your husband, you need to talk to him about it. I'd keep it on the "it's my problem" end and just share with him how your heart is hurting and you just get scared for your daughter. I'm not saying that it's not possible though - statistics say that 1 in 10 men will abuse or assult. Maybe just making him aware of your concern will prevent anything from occuring. ALSO - make sure you teach your daughter "good touch bad touch" and identify safe people to tell if there is bad touch (such as you, your parents, preschool teachers etc.) Make sure it's a variety of people so that if for say - a teacher would ever hurt her, she'd know other people to tell. Good luck - and keep healing.

Answer 4

Go with your instincts. How would you feel if you found out he was, and you allowed it by doing nothing. You may just be paranoid, but maybe not. Ask him why he moves his hand away so fast. If you worry that he is, then he probably is. I have never worried that my husband was doing something like that. I know my cousin was molested for a long time by her father and my aunt suspected and never did anything. Now 20 years later she has no relationship with her mother or father. You have to protect your babies first and for most. Nothing else matters. You need to find out the truth before he does real damage and harms her for life. Now she is young enough she won't remember, but later she will. You need to know for your own peace of mind too. Ask him and see how he reacts. If he gets defensive when he says no-way, then he is probably lying. If he is calm and concerned about your feelings, then he is probably telling you the truth. You have to talk to him and find out. You really have no choice.

Answer 5

Put aside your feelings from your childhood as much as possible. If you do not love and trust your husband, you need to act now. If you are sure in your heart that something is wrong, get your daughter out of that situation now. Be sure to pray about this. You need to make sure this isn't a distrust of men on your part, but don't let that make you think you are imagining things. Think of keeping your daughter safe and getting counseling for yourself.

If it turns out that you are imagining these things, get your husband to go to family counseling with you so you can overcome your fears and distrust.

Answer 6

Several of the answers you have already are on the right track, so I'll just reiterate:

1. Transfering some of your anger over your rape could be coloring some of your fears. Counseling could help.

2.If you have told your husband about your rape, he might understand your angst and could explain his reactions.

3. If you haven't told him, open up and share your fears and work on it together.

4, If there is something in your husband's past you are aware of and didn't relate here, that might give some weight as to your fears he might do something to harm your baby, yes, take that into consideration. If not, again, talk to him.

Answer 7

Hopefully That Wont Happen. Just Because Happend To Doesnt Mean The Same Thing Will Happen To Your Daughter.

Answer 8

I personally have had similar experience and think that if you suspect that something is going on, it probably is. He sounds like he's acting very odd. I don't think that your overreacting or weird. Trust your instincts and be aware of where he is and where your daughter is. Once a child is touched and they realize it is wrong, that can stay with them their whole life. You probably know that better than anyone. Just trust your instinct and keep a close eye on him. Good luck and I'm so sorry you had to go through that when you were young, but that experience lets you know what signs to look for. You know you could take her to a doctor and have her examined. Take care.

Answer 9

You could be seeing something or nothing - but talk to him about it and go to a marriage counselor because it sounds very much like there are trust issues between you and your husband that are very serious. You don't want to accuse him or doing something he isn't doing, or make your daughter think there is something wrong in the way he touches her if there isn't. It could be that you haven't gotten over your own trauma yet. It could also be that he is pulling away from your daughter when he sees you looking because he knows you might think he's doing something wrong (whether he is or isn't). You need to talk to him, and both of you need to see a counselor, for your marriage and your trust issues.

Answer 10

Have you talked to your husband about what happened to you??? IF you did then he might be worried that you are thinking what you are thinking and he doesn't want to upset you by touching his daughter "fatherly" in front of you. If he doesn't know about what happened to you then it could just be a look in your eye that is making his nervous or something. Either way you need to talk to him and then maybe consider seeing a professional about this. It could really just be your imagination....but I'd really seek some kind of help because this might be putting stress on your marriage and everything so....I'd look into getting help for yourself...and in turn it might help your family out too.

Answer 11

Chances are due to what happened to you-your being paranoid. You may think you see these things when in fact your not. You might want to seek counseling. You don't want to lose your husband because of the crappy things that were done to you. If someone asked if me if I was touching my son funny I'd be VERY offended. I wouldn't want to be around that person anymore. So make sure you KNOW before you accuse.