Do you know any nonsense poems?

Question

Hmm isn't there a poetry category, I thought there was, never mind.

Wow I like 'em all, I'm going have to put it to a vote.

Answer 1

"Tae a Fart"

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,
Lurks in yer bellie efter a feastie,
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There starts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Start working like a gentle breeze
But soon the pudding wi' the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin' a' ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
a'body's gonnae hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
it's like a bullet oot a rifle

Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try tae stop the leakin' air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae god it disnae reek

But a' the efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder
Ricochets arrond the room
Michty me! a sonic boom

God almighty it fairly reeks
A' hope a' huvnae shat ma breeks
Tae the bog a' better scurry
Whit the hell, it's no ma worry

A'body roon aboot me choakin'
One or two are nearly boakin'
I'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile

It wis him! I shout and glower
Alas too late, he's just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger! They shout and stare
I'm no that welcome any mair

Where e're ye go let yer wind gang free
That sounds jist the joab fir me
Aye, whit a fuss at Rabbie's party
Ower the sake o' one wee farty.

Source: submitted to office-humour.co.uk by Annie Kissed


Here's another...

"Ode to An Old Gaffer"

Your game is long past midway,
You're far from that first tee,
So as you walk life's fairway,
May these words comfort thee.

I pray you never lose your balls,
And can always grip your wood,
And whenever Mother Nature calls,
That your putter works as it should.

Old gaffer, you must play your lay,
Though your chips fall where they might,
And pray on bended knee each day,
That your divet grows back that night.

And even though you've hit the rough,
And your shots are all hard plays,
It surely cannot be as tough,
As making doo these days.

So what if now you're in the rough,
Don't ever cry "enough!"
Because your final hole might lay,
A single stroke away!

So take the beer from off your lap
And go on out and play,
And never be a silly sap
who puts his balls away.

Source: composed for my brother, the golfer, by -- ME!!!

Answer 2

On the Ning Nang Nong
Where the cows go "bong"
And the monkeys all say "boo"
On the Nong Nang Ning
All the mice go "ping"
And the tea pots jibber jabber joo

Terrence (Spike) Milligan

There's another bit which I can't remember. I'll have a look for Mr. Evil's Spike Milligan book cos there are some others in there.

Answer 3

Mary had a little calf of which she was quite proud, and every where that Mary went she gathered quite a crowd. She fed the calf with loving care just like a dog or cat, and from the portions that it ate the calf grew large and fat. But Mary has no calf today for this I can revel. At home in my fridge freezer is a months supply of veal.

Answer 4

The Grandfather Clock

An arrogant grandfather clock once stood
Against the drawing room wall
It ticked the seconds, struck the hours
Lorded proudly over all
Standing smug
On its Persian rug
Until the day it lost a minute
Its timing wandered day by day
Till tock was tick and tick was tockery
And it provoked assorted mockery
From other objects on display
But candlesticks are attic-bound
Chandeliers have gathered dust
Drawing rooms are so outre
And grandfather clocks are left to rust

Jabberwocky, by Lewis Carroll, is one of the most famous ones. http://www.jabberwocky.com/carroll/jabber/jabberwocky.html

Nonsense poetry for children:
http://falcon.jmu.edu/~ramseyil/nonsense.htm

Two other nonsense poems:
http://www.eighthsquare.com/nonsense.html

Answer 5

How about http://f2.org/humour/language/nonsense.html for a good collection?

The Spangled Pandemonium

The spangled pandemonium
Is missing form the zoo.
He bent the bars the barest bit,
And slithered glibly through.

He crawled across the moated wall,
He climbed the mango tree,
And when the keeper scrambled up,
He nipped him in the knee.

To all of you a warning
Not to wander after dark,
Or if you must, make very sure
You stay out of the park.

For the spangled pandemonium
Is missing from the zoo,
And since he nipped his keeper,
He would just as soon nip you!

-- Palmer Brown

And a very tragic ode :((

The Cumberbunce

I strolled beside the shining sea,
I was as lonely as could be;
No one to cheer me in my walk
But stones and sand, which cannot talk -
Sand and stones and bits of shell,
Which never have a thing to tell.

But as I sauntered by the tide
I saw a something at my side,
A something green, and blue, and pink,
And brown, and purple, too, I think.
I would not say how large it was;
I would not venture that because
It took me rather by surprise,
And I have not the best of eyes.

Should you compare it to a cat,
I'd say it was as large as that;
Or should you ask me if the thing
Was smaller than a sparrow's wing,
I should be apt to think you knew,
And simple answer, "Very true!"
Well, as I looked upon the thing,
It murmured, "Please, sir, can I sing?"
And then I knew its name at once -
It plainly was a Cumberbunce.

You are amazed that I could tell
The creature's name so quickly? Well,
I knew it was not a paper doll,
A pencil or a parasol,
A tennis racket or a cheese,
And, as it was not one of these,
And I am not a perfect dunce -
It had to be a Cumberbunce!

With pleading voice and tearful eye
It seemed as though about to cry.
It looked so pitiful and sad
It made me feel extremely bad.
My heart was softened to the thing
That asked me if it, please, could sing.

Its little hand I longed to shake,
But, oh, it had no hand to take!
I bent and drew the creature near,
And whispered in its pale-blue ear,
"What! Sing, my Cumberbunce? You can!
Sing on, sing loudly, little man!"

The Cumberbunce, without ado,
Gazed sadly on the ocean blue,
And, lifting up its little head,
In tones of awful longing, said:

"Oh, I would sing of mackerel skies,
And why the sea is wet,
Of jellyfish and conger eels,
And things that I forget.
And I would hum a plaintive tune
Of why the waves are hot
As boiling water on a stove,
Excepting that they're not!

"And I would sing of hooks and eyes,
And why the sea is slant,
And gaily tips the little ships,
Excepting that I can't!
I never sang a single song,
I never hummed a note.
There is in me no melody,
No music in my throat.

"So that is why I do not sing
Of sharks, or whales, or anything!"

I looked in innocent surprise,
My wonder showing in my eyes.
"Then why, O Cumberbunce," I cried,
"Did you come walking at my side
And ask me if you, please, might sing,
When you could not warble anything?"

"I did not ask permission, sir,
I really did not, I aver.
You, sir, misunderstood me, quite.
I did not ask you if I might.
Had you correctly understood,
You'd know I asked you if I could
So, as I cannot sing a song,
Your answer, it is plain, was wrong.
The fact I could not sing I knew,
But wanted your opinion, too."

A voice came softly o'er the lea.
"Farewell! My mate is calling me!"
I saw the creature disappear,
Its voice, in parting, smote my ear -
"I thought all people understood
The difference 'twixt 'might' and 'could'!"

-- Paul West

Answer 6

Hi there,
you can find a free download of Angry Birds Space here: http://www.gamesriver.com/sw/eng/puzzle-5/angry-birds-space-20599.html?x=1

Finally the full version is avaiable!
The objective remains the same; you have to smash the pigs using your birds. Stages are no longer a flat surface; instead there are different planets, and each one has its own gravitational field
Give it a try.

Answer 7

My papa and my mama got me this book called "Silly verse for kids" by Spike Milligan, and here is one of the poems from the book:

There are holes in the sky
Where the rain gets in
But they're ever so small
That's why rain is so thin.

And another poem from this man, but from a different book:

I saw a Multikertwigo
Standing on his head,
He was looking at me sideways
And this is what he said:
"Sniddle Iddle Ickle Thwack
Nicki-Nacki-Noo
Biddle-diddle Dicky-Dack
Tickle-tockle-too!"
None of this makes sense to me,
Maybe it does to you.

Answer 8

I do know Lewis Carroll (author of Alice in Wonderland) has written a couple... I think another author is Ogden Nash- although, that might be the name of the poem- I can't remember.

Answer 9

1

Answer 10

The elephant is a dainty bird
He flits from bough to bough
He builds his nest in a rhubarb tree
And whistles like a cow !!!