has anyone here ever had a family member kill themselves? x?

Question

my best friend and brother did you see, just over a year ago, i miss him bad. x

true but i was only asking, there is nothing at all nice about suicide, i never aimed my question to be nice. x

he was such a beautifull person, just hit a rocky road, he never gave us clue, happened whilst at work, his name is Karl and was 28, miss you Karl and love you to bits xxxx

Answer 1

I had a brother that battled major issues all his life. He suffered from depression. He had been dealt a bad hand in the cards of life. When he was 13 he suffered a major sickness that put in a Medical Facility for over 6 months. He had a syndrome, called Guillain-Barre. He lived in an iron lung for 6 months because of this disease. He lost the his reflexes and suffered from muscle weakness. It began in his leggs and moved to all his limbs. After finally leaving the hospital, he went to rehab for a long time. He had to re- learn to do everything from walking to feeding hisself. From there on, his life became a complicate issue. He fought many demons thru the rest of his life. That was back in the year 1964. In the year 2001, just a few short days after 9-11, my brother, too, committed suicide. He had made several attempts thru the years, but this time, finally pulled it off. I want you to know, I know what you are going thru and how deep that kind of pain is. We, (his family) were devestate! My brother and I were only 2 years apart. We grew up together, shared secrets, loved, hated and fought each other at times. Normal sibbling stuff. He was one of my first memorines. We shared things that no one else but as would ever know. This kind of pain is so hard for the ones they leave behind, but not nere as hard as the battle they fight, from in their self. I live in a world of what if I had done this and what if I had said that, would he still be here?Guilt!!!...our whole family is guilt riden, wondering and wishing we could of helped him. Its been 5 years now, and I miss him everyday. Just a few days after his death, I was laying down on my sofa at home. I was just about a sleep, and suddenly woke up, I swear I could hear him calling my name. When ever I happen to be in a large crowd of people, for just a second, I know I see him. I still feel his presents every where. Our whole family has suffered terribly. I am so sorry for you, and the rest of your family. I have no words to help your pain, other than fully understanding what you are going thru. I wish I could help ease your pain. Time will eventually help out there. If you go to my Q&A, read a question, I answered from "Polar Bear" in my" best answers. This answer will give you more insight about losing a family member to suicide. Over the years, I have had a sister, and also 2 nieces that have also tried to take their own lifes. I have also, just recently, received a call around midnight, from my best friend in the world, who had called to tell me "good by", she was planning on taking her life. Fortuanately we got to her before it was to late. To days world is so hard, I guess people think this is the best way to take care of all their problems. Just keep in mind, these people that do this, are not thinking and reasoning as someone that is fairly normal does. They just want to escape their pain, that just continues to grow and finally over whelms them to this point. If I can "do anything", or if you just need someone to listen, please email. Once again, I am so sorry for what you too, have been thru. Believe me, in time things will get better. In the meantime, just hang on. Good therapy is to talk about it if you can. Remember also, our "Brothers" are in a better place. They will never have to feel that awful empty pain they lived with day in and day out. I would love to have my brother back. But it would be cruel and selfish of me to want him back here, in the terrible world, within, that he lived him. I do have comfort knowing, those pains are gone forever for him. Lean and pray to God to help you and your family.

Answer 2

I haven`t myself but know someone who`s family it happened to. It is not nice and there are so many unanswered questions. I think the people who do commit suicide are perhaps seeking attention and not meaning to. It must be awful for you Odette just remember your family as they were in happier times. If you are having troube coping or getting through it try and see a councellor or ring the samaritans who will understand how you feel and help you cope with your feelings.

Answer 3

My only brother committed suicide 19 years ago. I still miss him daily. My spiritual beliefs help me a lot though. It has been very difficult for both me and my mother to deal with. It has brought us closer though. If you are at all religious maybe your faith can give you some answers or at least ways to cope.

Answer 4

I can't be absolutely certain it wasn't an accident or murder, but my father was found drowned when I was 21 in a local canal. It was a boiling hot July day, the police say his cardigan was neatly folded on the canal bank. Maybe he went in for a swim (he could swim) but he had taken two overdoses when I was younger and had been homeless for three years after my mother divorced him for someone who subsequently bought a woman he had two kids by from another country, married her and set up home with her. My mother went on from him to serial date several other married men. Apart from the trauma of having to handle the identification, funeral arrangements etc. on my own, the most annoying thing was the attitude of the police, who were really rude and refused to give me any details of the coroners inquiry (if there was one) so I still don't know what the verdict was. I was a student at the time, and the social worker who advised me to sign the funeral bill and that social security would pay it conveniently couldn't be found when they wouldn't pay. So I ended up being chased for the funeral costs which contributed to my flunking my first attempt at a college degree. You can read my memorial to my father here:

http://www.geocities.com/ricard_noh/PhotoMemorial.html

I don't have much in the way of advice about coming to terms with it, except that as above it is sometimes good to publicly memorialise someone we loved's good qualities, and maybe also to try to understand what happened, do something to help or support people who might be feeling as your brother did, such as volunteer work at a counselling line such as the Samaritans, if that appealed to you. In my case I did a psychology degree which helped me to get myself out of my mother's programming us kids that there was something wrong with him, to understanding how the social and economic pressures he was under, coupled with a lack of a supportive upbringing and blood relatives, left him vulnerable to such stresses. The attitude of medical authorities at that time didn't help, I found the perspectives of psychology and sociology provided more useful insights helping me see how losing his income, house and car triggered and interacted with suicidal depression, so he became 'labelled' as a 'mental patient'. But he had so many different diagnoses on his medical certificates from doctors over the years that I could see with psychological hindsight that there was probably nothing actually medical wrong with him. Once he was labelled as someone with psychiatric problems by the system it was used against him, he couldn't keep a job after a responsible career of 11 years as he couldn't regain his status and ended up shovelling stuff and other menial jobs. It became convenient for his wife to use the psychiatric label against him in any argument, and as a ready excuse to divorce him on totally trumped up grounds when it became convenient. He was non-violent and generally kind, but kids do tend to take their cue from their mother, as we did, and mine do. Young men like your brother seem to be the most suicide prone group in society, and if you wanted to understand better what social and psychological pressures triggered what he did, you could do a bit of reading on the subject. So much has been written about Kurt Cobain, who was loved and admired by so many fans, but his is only the most famous example of what is statistically one of or the most common kind of suicide I believe - that of young men.

Answer 5

My favorite cousin-who-is-like-a-sister-to-me's husband shot himself the day he was supposed to sign their divorce papers.
We all suffered with and for her. And she found out afterwards that he had run all her credit cards up to the max before he did it. It was very spiteful and hurtful in so many ways.
I'm very sorry for your loss.

Answer 6

No, but I've had a couple of friends to, though. I don't suppose anyone else will comprehend it in the way that the ones they left behind do...

Answer 7

Yea, my dad. And it stinks alot. I was a daddy's girl. I know it hurts. But you HAVE TO deal with, cry, laugh scream, do whatever you have to, to deal with. If don't it could seriously hurt you more down the road.

Answer 8

Yes, don't know why, he hanged himself. His feet could still touch the floor so he could have stopped if he changed his mind.

Answer 9

aww sorry to here that odette , i havent so dont know what ur going through but yes you must miss them a lot

Answer 10

yes my grandmother in 1986 and im still really pissed off about it because now that im 42 now i wish she was still around we would of had some times