I know someone who lies, even when the truth would be better. Its usually little things like his conversations with friends r smething small. Never anything huge like infidelity. He used to lie all the time. He's forever pointing his eyes to the right when confronted, (a sign of the creative right brain working, I've heard). And when he's caught, or at lease accused, he gets overly defensive and tries to turn it around on me. We've come so close to parting ways over this. Now he says he's really working on telling the truth 100% of the time. (But he's a liar, remember? So who can really believe him?) Plus, who has to "WORK" at telling the truth? Seems to me that there would be no work at all in being truthful. Deception would take more creatitivity. So what can I do? I'm sick of feeling so crappy about myself,... like I don't eve deserve him to show me at least the respect of looking me dead in the eye and just telling me the truth. This is crazy. Can you ever change a liar?
2006-06-16 10:46:37 · 14 answers · asked by tracy_0229 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A liar is a liar, is a liar, is a liar. Its a given now what are you going to do about it.
The fact is this, its not about liar its about the person being lied to. The liar will lie regardless to whom he is with, because its of no consequence to him as long as he gets his way.
The real issue becomes about the person being lied to, whether or not they know their worth, and understand their value as a human being.
It is easy to point the figure at the person committing the offence however the "victim" is not exempt of responsibility. They must decide for how long they will be lied to, they decide their worth and determine how they will be treated based on what they accept, and don't accept.
We teach people how to treat us. Once a person discovers that they are being deceived it is no longer the deceivers responsibility of the deception. It’s the person who is being deceived who must now make the decision do something about what has occurred and continue to occur. They are now aware of the situation, they are no longer in the dark, and they have a responsibility to their selves, to advocate for their selves, to do right by theirs selves and honour their selves.
The liar will continue to lie simply because that’s who they are and who they have chosen to be because its beneficial to him. So the person being lied to must make a choice, rise up, put up or shut up because the fact is the liar (he) is not a broken toy that can be fixed with a twist of the wrist nor is he a tire that can be easily changed with a jack and neither is he the “victims” child or pet project to be monitored, scolded and guided on moral ethics.
Your worth should not be determined by his actions. You are giving him entirely too much power. He is not responsible for you not feeling good about yourself, you are. Your happiness is your responsibility.
You are a valuable human being capable of excellence anyone that tells you otherwise in the way they treat you should not be worthy of your time, effort, and greatness.
2006-06-16 11:51:42 · answer #1 · answered by Virtuous 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you can't change anyone for whatever reason. The person has to really want to change. Lying is like an addiction, and you know how hard they can be to stop. A habitual liar is so used to lying that the truth never crosses their mind. Believe me, I know, because I have a son that lies all the time. No matter what he's asked, he lies, even when the truth sounds better. Good luck, but be careful.
2006-06-16 11:04:29 · answer #2 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dump them.
Met a person didn't know they were a liar, married the person found out the liar part. Left, got back together. Made two kids, guess what -- still married to a liar. Had to leave. The two children pay the price and guess what they grew up to be. Selfishness liars themselves. Everyone they meet eventually dumps them.
Lieing is a sign of selfhness. You cannot share a life with a selfish person. Consider yourself blessed you know now. Dump, dump, dump. Wait, wait, and wait for a good MAN and don't take chances with selfish boys in the meantime.
2006-06-16 10:56:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he a Libra? Some people lie because they hate confrontation, but if he's lying over stupid stuff (or stuff that doesn't have any real consequence to where it doesn't even make sense to lie about it), then he's probably a compulsive liar and needs professional help. You can't really have a good relationship with someone who lies to you, so do what's best for you and either get him some help, or get the heck out. Good luck!
2006-06-16 11:03:54 · answer #4 · answered by headshrinker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anyone who says they have to "work" on telling the truth is a pathalogical liar. They can't help it. Especially, if, as you said, it's a situation where the truth would have been preferable. Will he change? Well... chances are the attempt is really a lie too.
And you know something? You're WAY too pretty to have to deal with that.
2006-06-16 11:20:00 · answer #5 · answered by BeenThere69 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so here's the thing that resonates with me...
you are "sick of feeling so crappy" about yourself...
wow
what's that all about?
Suddenly your entire story switched gears from his story telling...to YOU...with a real self-esteem issue.
Whats the big deal with bs-ing his friends...they aren't really listening anyways. Guys do that - it's how they relate.
Now...the cute little eye trick thingy kind of related to neurolinguistics
first...you have to know where a person looks when they are telling the truth!
second...looking the opposite direction doesn't indicate a lie...it indicates reconstructing a story using a different recall system...
so where he looks is totally irrelevant to the veracity of his story.
lastly, whoever sold you that kit on discovering a liar is using a system created in the 70s and proven unreliable in the 90s.
It seems to me he's working for you...what are you doing for him?
2006-06-16 11:19:24 · answer #6 · answered by Warrior 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll be honest with you. I looked at your pictures and all I could
think was "How could anyone look into those eyes and lie" You
are incredibly beautiful why would you stay with a guy who cant
respect you enough to be honest with you. You are obviously intelligent, and passionate(judging by you blog page). you need to find a man who will make you feel that you stand out. Would
you settle for a keanu reeves look alike...LOL But seriously
you deserve more respect then he is giving you. And darn it I'm
going to think about how much of a hottie you are all day. good
luck!
2006-06-16 11:35:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People change, but you can't depend upon them changing. You either love them for who they are along with all their faults or you decide that those faults are things you can't live with for the rest of your life. Someone who always lied, even about little things would be too much for most people to endure in a long term relationship. You deserve someone who loves you and has no desire to lie to you about anything.
2006-06-16 10:57:09 · answer #8 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you can't change a liar, he has to be willing to change. If he continues to lie just leave him or separate for a minute. let him miss you enough to change for you if that doesn't work than he needs to go to some kind of psyche. and when they lie like that it becomes bigger lies, like infidelity lies, so you really need to check him.
2006-06-16 10:55:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lying can become a pathlogical problem which is based upon deep insecurity -- you will not change the liar -- the liar must find truth comfortable...therapy is necessary here --
2006-06-16 10:57:42 · answer #10 · answered by madisonfoxe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋