My husband and I have been separated for over 2 months, because of his methadone addiction. Anyway, he finally called our daughter who turned 3 yesterday to wish her a Happy Birthday at 10:15pm. I thought he was calling too late, so I didn’t answer the phone. Why call his daughter now and at such a late hour! He left a message wishing her Happy Birthday and that he loves, misses her and how he wishes he could be with her. Was it wrong of me not to answer the phone? Should I feel bad that he didn’t get to talk to her?
2006-06-16 10:35:29 · 34 answers · asked by September 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This morning I did let my daughter listen to the message. She was happy to hear his voice and she asked for him. They were very close. I told her that he was away at school and that she would see him again. I just didn't say when.
2006-06-16 10:46:24 · update #1
My daughter was a sleep at 9:00pm and my husband already knows tha'ts the time she falls asleep.
2006-06-16 11:18:51 · update #2
I think you did the right thing. Calling a three year old after 8 o'clock is unacceptable. Good Call!
2006-06-16 10:37:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should feel terrible!!! It doesn't matter that yal are seperated that is still his daughter, and for the idiots on here saying 10:30 is too late,, puhleeeaaazzzzeee. Did the 3 yr old. have to go to school or had to go to work? No, I dont think so. Some of you women can be so cruel b/c you're hurting and you want to take out your frustration on the spouse or s/o. All he call to say was Happy B-day. I think you'd feel very awful if he died and you were the last person he called just so he could wish his daughter a Happy B-day; at least he called on the day of her bday, he didn't 4get and yes he maybe coulda called earlier but was tied up, the main point is he called.
2006-06-16 12:12:57 · answer #2 · answered by madtyga2002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your daughter happened to be awake when he called I would have let her talk to her Dad. Everybody here has said 10pm is too late for a 3 year old but in all reality kids sometimes wake up and drift off back to sleep at odd times. So if she was awake, she should have got to talk to her Dad. Not picking up the phone was your own personal vendetta against him. Now had you been sleeping that would be a different story...but you were awake and available to pick the phone up. I just think this is how a lot of divorce fights and bad feelings begin...when parents use the kids birthdays or special events as leverage or to "punish" the other parent.
2006-06-16 11:11:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 3 yrs of age the answer is it really does not matter. The message left on the machine was appropriate for the time he called. However, if you failed to let the child hear the message then shame on you! Remember, this child is half your and half him. If you tell or lead the child to believe that Dad is bad then you tell the child that half of them is bad as the child is a product of both of you.
I would address Dad and let him know that 10:15 p.m. is an appropriate time to call a crack addict, but not for a child who needs their rest. You probably would have had a difficult time putting the child down after the call, it appears you did the right thing, but it may have been for the wrong reasons.
2006-06-16 10:42:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you did the right thing. A grown man should know that a 3 year old child is in bed by 10:15.
He was probably using by that time of night. He should have called early in the day, and would have if her birthday was important to him.
I am sorry you are going through this troubling time.
2006-06-16 11:10:04 · answer #5 · answered by dixie_til_i_die 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It wasn't wrong. Your decision was very good of seperating her from her father. It would be wrong if the father was a good man who had no addictions. That isn't a good influence for a three year old. However, it isn't fair for her to grow up without a dad so reminding her will make her htink more about it. When you feel it's right tell her, but not at three. And so therefore tell her that her dad wishes her a happy birthday but he called too late.
2006-06-16 10:45:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you werent wrong, it was way too late and even if you did answer the phone i bet you the baby was asleep.. The dad needs to learn to not do things when it is convienent for him but approprate for the child.. If calling earlier was a problem for him then he should have called the following day during normal hours. I wish you luck :)
2006-06-16 10:41:06 · answer #7 · answered by ambermoon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, 10:15 is way to late to call a 3 year old.
2006-06-16 10:39:32 · answer #8 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll answer your question with a question:
- In whose best interest were you acting? Would it have harmed your daughter for you to have answered the phone or were you trying to punish him for calling so late?
Perhaps another way to handle it would be to answer and kindly ask that he make his calls at an earlier hour so as not to disturb her sleep schedule.
After all, they deserve to have a relationship. While protecting her, don't make the mistake of sabotaging the chance for them to know each other.
2006-06-16 10:42:25 · answer #9 · answered by Dr. Doom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you shouldn't feel bad, who calls a 3 yr old at 10:15. You did the right thing.
2006-06-16 10:41:10 · answer #10 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not mean however it is his daughter too,but again 10:30 is late for a 3 yr old.
2006-06-16 10:39:23 · answer #11 · answered by kajinkerson 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋