I have been married 38 years. But for the past 15 have had no 'feelings' for my spouse. What do I do?

Question

My spouse spends most of his time away from home. He sometimes is gone for 8-10 hours after his shift is over at work. I know he helps his parents on occasion but 8 to 10 hours on a daily basis?? I want to get out so bad. But I am afraid.

When he is here, he doesn't speak to me. He totally ignores me. He never offers an explanation as to where he has been saying he's an adult and doesn't need to explain his whereabouts.
I do have a job. It is not great paying but I could get by on my own. I guess I am just afraid since I have never been on my own. And I don't want to hurt anyone.

Answer 1

The unknown is always scary. Something took a wrong turn 15 years ago, and you haven't been on track since then. You probably feel like your all alone in the woods now. So prepare yourself mentally to leave so you can physically leave or fix this! You have 2 choices. 38 years is a long time. I believe the magic that brought you two together is still alive, although it may seem like a candle in the sun. If either one of you had wanted to really end this, one of you would be long gone. But your both still co-excisting in the same home. First, find yourselve again. If your job can't support you if you should decide to leave, use this time to find another job. Keep in mind, he is going to have to 1/2 things with you. So your probably going to be alright financially from the divorce settlement, if you go this route. Next you need friends. Don't sit at that house wondering what he is doing 8 to 10 hours on a daily basis. That is 8 to 10 hours that you have, to do anything you want. This is all about you now. You can't make him be happy. You can't make him come home after work, and probably really don't want to at this point. Stop doing the norm!!! Never ask him again, where he has been. You no longer care. You are mentally prepping yourself for a better life. Now, keep in mind, once you are centered, he is going to notice the difference. They always do. At this point, you can try and rekindle or you continue to move ahead with your mental plan. What ever it is you decide to do, just get started on it as soon as possible. Woman, you are in the prime of your life! You have a lot to offer someone that will appreciate you. People live so much longer these days, and happy people make living longer even better. You come out of that house, re-enter the world of the living, get with friends, go to dinner, shopping, or take a singles vacation. Whatever it is, just do it! After about 6 months from now, you are going to be a new person. You are going to be a happier person. You are going to be alive and enjoying new things. You just refocus from who you where, and turn it around to who you want to be. You are going to be living each day for you. And if your husband wants to be apart of all this wonderful stuff, he can mentally change just like you are going to. If he is not a part of this plan, that is OK to, because in time you will mentally know you can carry on with out him. Good Luck, and God bless you and your determination.

Answer 2

Damn ma i don't know what to say on that, but u 2 really need to talk, because I'm sure he feel the same way u do, and I know u 2 really love each other, but not in love with each other and thats good for the both of u. So talk to him tell him what on ur mind , and maybe he will open up and talk to u, and u guys can come to some type of agreement. Just pray on Ma u will be ok......Don't ever be afraid to leave something that u can just walk away from. Thats real...............

Answer 3

No one can really answer that for you. Take a look at your life. Do you want to be living this way for the rest of your life? If you are walking around like an empty shell then it isn't much of a life. Life is meant to be lived. If you can change it, renew the feelings you once you had, then go for it. Anything in life worth having deals with struggles.

Answer 4

You both stopped being friends. That is the core basis for any relationship. If you cannot recapture the friendship which will lead to talking about your relationship, then it is time to move on. Nothing to be afraid about. It is better confront your feelings and start to live, than to die unhappy.

Answer 5

I did this with my ex when we were married. It is scary, but you need to get out. As a man, I am not sure what he is doing but you should have the emotional support of your partner. Beware though, the grass is not greener on the other side. There will be tough times, but you deserve better than that.

Answer 6

that is hard to say ...38 yrs is a long time to be married to someone....and its been this way for 15 yrs...? why did you wait so long...is it the financial situation...are you afraid you cant make it in the real world?

all i can tell you is this...if you have not loved him for 15 yrs...but your still there..your afraid of what?

being alone is hard...being jobless is hard...but if your that unhappy and not inlove..move on...or you can stay in your present situation where you are cared for financially and take it slow....find yourself a part time job...get out there to better yourself so you can take that step...good luck

Answer 7

Life is too short to be unhappy. You were given one life to live and what and how you do it is your business. Marriage is sharing a life. You appear to be living your life alone. Look deep inside yourself, you have answered the quesiton already. Find your happiness before it is too late. Otherwise, you will only regret and have resentment later on. You still have time.

Answer 8

Dont be afraid , and stop wasting your time, and his time. Just be firm and talk to him. Communicate, maybe you two can end up being good friends. You need to talk to him so he can understand you, people cannot read minds. But i think its best to be thruthfull.

Answer 9

what are you doing ? 15 it a long time , you need think about what will make you happy now.^

Answer 10

Great answer Dad!! Can't add too much more to that one.