I've been divorced for a couple years, my ex is remarried, and my fiance lives with the kids (6 and 8) and myself. I have always faithfully taken the kids to pick out xmas, birthday and father's day gifts for their dad....sometimes we just make him something special. I think this is an important thing to teach the children and I think it should be taught by us parents. My ex doesnt' do the same in return, nor does he even remind my children to say Happy Birthday or whatever (my fiance has started doing this recently) He doesnt bother to find out if someone else is taking care of it. His birthday just passed and for the 1st time the kids and I got him nothing. I dont' feel this is right, but I'm trying to make a point to him (which I dont' think is working). Do I buy him a father's day gift and be the better person, or just leave it up to someone in his family to go out of their way to do it(he and his family hate my fiance, but I have no prob with his wife).
2006-06-16 09:55:22 · 13 answers · asked by paintgirl 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not talking about buying their new "step dad" a gift. I mean their real dad.
2006-06-16 10:00:39 · update #1
umm
look you are doing this FOR YOUR KIDS, not for him and not for you
keep that fact in mind, get the gift for him, and be happy with the knowledge that you know your kids are happy they have something to give their dad on his special day
ive been in the same situation, it matters not if my ex gives me anything, but i always make sure she has something because the kids are proud to give their parent a present
dont punish them for him
2006-06-16 10:02:50 · answer #1 · answered by whoisgod71 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hate to say it, but your ex is a jerk. Unfortunately, even if you taped this message to a baseball bat and beat him with it, he still wouldn't get the point. He's selfish, self-centered and uncaring of your opinions & feelings.
Yes, you should be the better person, but maybe limit your giving to a simple card, unless the children want you to help them pick out a gift for a special occasion.
Above all, what the kids should be learning (from both of you, but if necessary at least from you) is respect. Never speak badly of the man, no matter how mad you are. That is the best gift you'll ever give yourself, your kids and your ex - respect and understanding of what that concept is.
2006-06-16 10:00:42 · answer #2 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I have to say you are a special person there are not many people out there like you. I kinda feel the same way but I think a better alternative is let the kids make him a gift that still teaches them the same thing adn does not cost you anything. I personally prefer a homemade gift. Way to go keep it up.
2006-06-16 10:12:30 · answer #3 · answered by 4X4 Woman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are men and they suck at giving gifts, remembering dates and sending cards, come on, lets face it, it's a chick thing.
My advice to you is that if it's from the kids, it;s for the kids and you are setting a good example for them. I will continue getting their father a father's day present from the kids to him. On his birthday, a card will suffice. During Christmas, encourage your kids to do something hand made and with sentimental value. You don't have to expend a great amount of money doing this. A craft, a picture of the kids on a frame will be more appretiated than a a box of hankies.
I'm sure thet your feelings are hurt by him ignoring certain dates, men are forgetful and always claim that they don't have the time, but retalitaing only will put on more strain in their relationship with their father.
You are doing right by setting the example, don't let it turn sour.
Good luck.
2006-06-16 10:12:38 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have custody because the courts saw it in the children's best interest. If their relationship is in such trouble and you really care to remedy it, you all should be in counseling. If the father is such a crumb and does not do anything for the kids like he should, then they are probably acting in kind. If this is not the case, their disrespect of their father should not be tolerated. One day they will be some things they wish could have done differently in their lives. Explain to them that failing to have a relationship with their father will be one of those things. (even if he's a bum)
2016-03-27 05:51:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were doing so well by rising above the ex's behavior. You looked beyond the conflict between the two of you and you put your children first by promoting their relationship with the father. Bravo! Keep it up. No matter how inconsiderate the ex is, keep teaching your children the right way to behave. Don't allow yourself to be sucked down to his level to make a point. Just keep putting those kids first!
2006-06-16 10:00:04 · answer #6 · answered by Dr. Doom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are the kids old enough to start remembering him themselves? What does it mean to your kids to pick out gifts for dad? Have the kids make him something, rather than spending a lot of money.
2006-06-16 10:00:21 · answer #7 · answered by loshea65 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I try to do that with my step kids for their mother. I think that you are doing the right thing. I think that one day that your children will bring it up to your ex. You should be proud of yourself about being the adult.
2006-06-16 10:01:21 · answer #8 · answered by Amanda S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. same thing happens with my step siblings. they dont get their dad a thing b/c their mom is not the sweetest gal (after 15 years)! but don't teach your kids that... know what i mean? even though it comes from you, you are teaching them the better half. one day, they will know.
2006-06-16 09:59:04 · answer #9 · answered by crazygirl45 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
love anyway it dont matter how he is love conquers all Were you giving to him only if he returned the favor? NO! So coninue from the kindness of your heart. Let the kid s do it themselves too. Dont ever encourage them no to show their dad love no matter what he does. Let God handle him.
2006-06-16 10:06:28 · answer #10 · answered by Justin D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋