What do you think is the psychology of a married man and a single woman having an affair?

Question

What do you think the psychology of this situation is on both ends and is there ever a circumstance in which this could be made into a viable working relationship? What potential goodness could come out of this? I already know worst case scenarios.

This is all theoretical - I got into this situation and am now out, but am trying to use it as a learning tool for myself and others in this situation. Please don't lecture me on the morality of all of this. I am not interested in that .. only in what I asked.

Answer 1

The psychology behind it is that the married man is the winner of the relationship. He basically is "having his cake and eating it too". I guess it depends on what expectations each person in the relationship has. There are many pros and cons to the situation. For example: A single woman might benefit from dating a married man financially and has a lot more freedom than a woman in a traditional relationship. She gets the man whenever he is away from his wife and probably gets the fun guy that he used to be before he "jumped the broom". On the other hand, the guy gets variety of having a different bedmate. He probably does more varied things with the mistress that he no longer does with his wife. The only advice I could give to a woman in the sitch is don't expect him to leave his wife (even if he tells you that he is going to divorce her, chances are that it probably won't happen) and to enjoy the perks of having a no strings attached relationship w/ benefits.

Answer 2

In my opinion, a married man who has an affair is convinced he wants, needs..deserves.. more than he has. He either believes he is so hot that he deserves to spread himself around, or he is so very insecure, he needs the added verification of his manhood. There may be serious problems in his marriage, but he is not man enough to face them and deal with them without injecting an added problem, ie, the girlfriend.
As for that girlfriend, if she KNOWS he is married, then she just doesn't care about the feelings of the wife who is being cheated on.. that is first. She also, quite probably, needs the reinforcement of her own desirability that she gets from the married man.. a vicious circle for the both of them. Many women in her position also feel it is a 'safe' relationship.. they don't have to deal with the stresses and such of a free relationship, ie. commitments, etc. All in all, the both of them.. the married man AND the single woman, are exhibiting a great deal of selfishness by staying in that situation.
Those who have been in the situation and found their way out and have looked into their own reasons for it and dealt with that, are ultimately wiser and better capable of facing a truly honest relationship then.

Answer 3

There could be many different reasons why each party would want this type of relationship. It depends on the situation each one is in. For example, a man maybe married to a dying wife and he seeks comfort in a single woman. A man maybe in a horrible marriage and needs some attention. So there is no correct answer on the phychology aspect of it. It totally has to correspond with the individuals and their situation.
I once had a friend who ONLY dated married men. She would seek them out. She couldnt understand it herself but I think she knew the answer. She didnt want a commitment at that time and she loved the excitement of it all. Who would he chose? Who me? Dont think so go back to your wife. It happened over and over.
Now as far as seeing a good viable outcome.... I think if the man really wanted out of his marriage and was in love with his mistress then things could work out. But man would I be scared if I was to marry him!!!!!!

Answer 4

I think it is obvious. The male wants to have sex here. He also think its great to have the female look up to him. This is his aim. His wife - probably having a couple of kids waits at home. Maybe or maybe not is she having sex with him also.

This is a whore - madonna situation. Its ideal for the cynical male - cause I dont think all men are like this.

Females are statistically into men with power and money. The easyes way to come about them is at work. Boss for instance. At least she knows he has a job and can provide for her. She is naive in the way she thinks that he will leave his wife. How many men left their madonnas for a whore?

This attitude is still the main stream Im afraid.

Answer 5

The thrill and excitement is like a sexual high. But if the female thinks that she will get her man for the long term she is wrong for once they are together the excitement is not there, no more sneaking around so eventually one of them will seek their thrills
with someone else thus doing to you what you had done to the innocent party

Answer 6

In my eyes it cant work due to the morals being defied here on both their parts..Only goodness in this is sexual satisfaction for the both of them..If it were to remain a physical relationship with no strings or more attatched it may be feesible..just not ethical..=)....I think ya stumped Tones..=)

Answer 7

Each individual was trying to get something they wanted or needed.

What good could come out of this?
One could identify what want or need led to the behavior, and from that, find other healthier ways to get this need met.

Answer 8

That both people are insecure and unhappy with their lives and themselves.

By the way..........this is a touchy topic for people who have been cheated on so I would expected some emotional and heated answers. Otherwise, why ask?

Answer 9

Forbidden fruit ... strongest temptation of any. Pretty simple really: Not supposed to do it, no strings attached sex, and an opportunity to be more, uh, creative than one usually is with one's own spouse/significant other.

Answer 10

his - to see what he is missing, he may have a boring sex life or
does not feel appreciated by his wife enough to connect at a
high level of intimacy. his wife may not know the real him
& he needs to express what she doesn't know about him to
someone else since he knows his wife might not
understand.

her- someone married him so he should be good at something &
if he is interested in me i must be better than his wife & he
married her. since he wants to sleep with me i feel
attractive, wanted, & needed & he must be good if he is not
being satified by his wife. If he tries to screw me i could
always theaten to tell his wife. since he is married he may
not have an std. he always takes me out & comes to me at
my house i never have to go to his house. i have
issues with my father so i like these kind of relationships
since i do not have the capacity to sustain my own.

thanks,

ss