My girlfriend has had sex with other guys before me. I have never asked how many, but shes mentioned it being over 5 before. I have never had sex. When we first started going out, she talked about how she wanted to have sex with me, and I was kinda excited about it, and now she says she has decided she wants to wait until marriage to ever have sex again. She says its not because of me, and that she still wants sex with me, but I kinda feel insecure now, that all the sudden with me, she has just changed her mind. I am willing to wait until marriage and I hope to marry her someday, but she says she wants to date at least another year before we think about it. Thats not a problem except for she has already had sex, and so waiting is no problem for her. I have never had it so im anxious about it, and now i have to wait an entire year more, possible even longer. It just makes me have low self esteem. I feel like theres something she wont tell me. Shes very secretive about her feelings...
2006-06-16 09:10:41 · 23 answers · asked by Insecure. 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Ooh, that's tough. I understand how that must make you feel. If she could have sex with other guys, why not with you, right?
BUT... it is her body, her feelings, her choice. and you will have to respect that. It is hard to understand though I'm sure. If you are looking for sex, then it sounds like she's not going to give it up. Don't pressure her! Pressuring girls is for di*k heads.
If you really think that you two could get married, then just wait patiently. But if you don't think you can stand the wait then move on.
This is a very tough situation, and you will constantly wonder about it. I know because I've been in a similar situation. I was married for 8 years and my wife refused to give oral, but she used to give all her boyfriends oral before I met her. Kind of makes you wonder, doesn't it? Those thoughts are very hard to deal with, and if you don't think you can live with the wondering, then you have to move on.
Be sure you talk to her about this and express your feelings, be polite and respectful though. Ask her why she wants to wait until marriage. You don't want to disrupt someone's values for your own pleasure, so be sure you keep an open mind.
Good luck.
2006-06-16 09:16:52 · answer #1 · answered by Jeff 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋
OK YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS LYING TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING WHAT IT IS I AM NOT SURE... BUT SHE IS OBVIOUSLY LYING ABOUT SOMETHING. I also wanted to wit until marriage, then i met my boyfriend we have been together for almost 3 years now and I ABSOLUTELY love him. We had been dating for a little over 3 months when i made my decision, and honestly if she is that secretive about her feelings it has probably been more than five people. I know that is kinda harsh but you need to know the truth. I had never been with anyone before him he was even my first kiss I know its corny but to me romantic as well. I was very careful in deciding what to do. He also had been with other people but only 1 so i dont completely understand how you feel but i get the jist. You MUST be careful lucky for me i trust my boyrfriend with my life.... LITERALLY!!! But if she has been with anyone else who isnt or wasnt a virgin you will be having sex with all of ther partners and all of there parnters and all of there partners and so on. That is one major factor to think about. Also if you love her you should wait. ITS NOT JUST SEX... YOU MAKE LOVE TO THIS PERSON, AND IT WILL MEAN SO MUCH WHEN IT FINALY HAPPENS DONT WASTE IT ON HER BECAUSE SHE SEEMS LIKE SCUM ANYWAY, WAIT UNTILYOU ARE READY!!! I dont regret my decision I love my boyfriend with all MY HEART and I wouldnt take it back ever!!!! But one thing i will say is once its done you cant ever get it back!!! THINK ABOUT IT!!!!
2006-06-16 16:26:49 · answer #2 · answered by AnOnYmOuS 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might not like this answer, but I will still say it.
You must do one of the 3 choices: CHEAT on her with 5 women! Break up, or simply tell her you don't understand her need to wait considering she has had sex with other guys before you. If she was a virgin, you would have no choice but to respect that.
I cannot respect a woman who has had sex with other guys, but yet, neglects to have sex with me?? No, no respect at all.
Good luck man! I really think you should get out of this relationship. This is just the beggining.
2006-06-16 16:19:18 · answer #3 · answered by hardcoco 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok waiting to have sex till your married is NOT a bad thing - especially with all the STD's that are out there now - if you are really upset as to her decision about not having sex now - when before she wanted to - then you 2 need to sit down and discuss the issue - understanding that she's had sex before - maybe she wants it to be special with you - and to make the experience one that you won't forget - what better way then on your first night as husband and wife?
2006-06-16 16:16:07 · answer #4 · answered by kaije03 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being secretive about feelings isnt good..Not a very good way to go into marriage or a relationship.. How old is she and how old are you? Ask her straight up why all of a sudden she wants to wait.. As far as you go you should be proud that you are still a virgin and if you can safe yourself for THE one that you'll end up marrying..Good luck ...Dont let this get you down...Communication-Trust-Honesty-Loyalty are the keys to great Relationships
2006-06-16 16:18:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something sounds fishy is this relationship. If she has already had sex, then got you worked up about it, & then out fo the blue decided to change her mind?! Something is wrong. Something has changed her mind about you. Is she seeing someone else on the side? I think you need to go more indepth with her about this question & what changed her mind so quickly. Because that is just not a good enough answer that "it's not you". That's like saying to someone that you want to break up with: I'm sorry it's not you it's me, there's something worng with me. Then after you leave the scene they have someone else already waiting in the wings. That is what it sounds like with your girlfriend.
Hope this helps.
2006-06-16 16:23:22 · answer #6 · answered by hartessence 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry but I think she doesn't wanna do it again, because it didn't feel that good with you...I am so sorry, but about that self esteem thing, remember that there must be a first time, then a second time, you will develp, the more you do it, the better it will feel for you and your partner, I suggest that you break up with he now, and if she really loves you, she'll be back into your arms..
Good Luck
2006-06-16 16:18:55 · answer #7 · answered by Drowned in English! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex isn't everything. Why are men always wanting sex? Next time, think with your brain and not your penis. If you really like this girl and you want to further your relationship with her, you would wait. Respect her decision even though you are not her first. If sex is what you want, then go for girl that is going to put out easily. Don't waste her time and yours.
2006-06-16 16:16:50 · answer #8 · answered by mekkimaru 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont have low self esteem about such a minor thing maybe she was hurt really bad by other people and doesnt feel secure enough to do that her self again. what you are going through sounds like a wonderful opportunity to make her feel special again . love her. hold her . and do the right thing for her and she will love you forever. you have a very special girl there
2006-06-16 16:18:26 · answer #9 · answered by anissia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should be flatter! even though I had sex before meeting my husband. I decided to wait when I met him, I wanted to make sure with him, I loved him soo much! I actually wanted it to be different than anyother guy I had previously been with and it was. we are both very happy that we waited.
About her being secretive, she may just like her privacy, it is hers and she has a right to it. just talk to her more about this, ask the questions you ask now. be calm, listen
2006-06-16 16:16:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋