Why I'm still with my husband after he cheated?

Question

Found out I was pregnant in Oct 05.He cheated in Dec 05. He meet a girl that worked at his bank.He asked for her # & come to find out they meet up twice or maybe three times.Once to Starbucks, another time he actually picked her up & took her to Olive Garden and he also bought her a Tiffany necklace for Christmas. I found out by reading his text messages.The started talking Dec. 9th & that ended on Dec. 26, when I called her & comforted her.She said she had no idea and that he never mentioned that he was married, let a one that i was three months pregnant. He was furious when he found out I called her. I felt like I was the one that did something wrong. I begged for him to stay and he did. Looking back I wish i rather have just let him go. It's been so hard to let go. It hurts more because it happen while pregnant with our first child. I still am, due July 23rd.I know I choose to stay w/him, but it's so hard to deal with the hurt sometimes.Why did he do it & why while me being preg.?

Answer 1

Seems to me he is a cheater who will hurt you again. The only way to prevent it (other than dumping/divorcing him) is for him to seek professional help - and maybe you should go with him, not cuz you did anything wrong, but to support him and have it be a "together" thing.

If he doesn't want to work with you to overcome this situation and build a solid future with you, then your marriage will continue to get worse till you decide you've had enough - if he doesn't decide it first. Marriage takes hard work and commitment, more so when you have children, so I hope you 2 work it out. If not, learn from it, accept your sad fate, and face the future as a single mom with confidence and self-respect.

Answer 2

First, I'm really sorry...and you did nothing wrong by calling her.
I'm not defending his actions or justifying them in any way. These are just theories.

Maybe he was scared and in a moment of weakness made a bad decision.
Maybe he felt sexually frustrated and needed to release that energy.
Maybe he's just an insensitive a**, who didn't appreciate what he had in front of him. Honestly, I don't know why he did it. He's the only one who will ever be able to answer that question. If you can, ask him.

In regards to other answers that have been posted...it is your decision to stay or go. If you feel that getting rid of him is what you need....do it. Go to an attorney and take everything!
You're in a very difficult position, which I am sure you are well aware.
Take time to think about the pros and cons of this relationship (write them down if you need to.) Trust has been violated and the road to forgiveness can be an odyssey. Yet, being a single parent is one of the hardest jobs I can think of.
If you want to stay and work on it, try marriage counseling. The hurt and suspicion will only fade with time, but talking about it may help speed that up.
I really hope everything works out and good luck.

Answer 3

You did not leave him b/c you love him. And you know what, after you have reconciled the situation, you still will love him. There are people that knowingly are cheated on throughout there entire marriage. Love, fear, and financial support are probably the main things that make people stay. He... is a waist-bucket. You could probably ask him until you are blue in the face "why" and no answer he gives will leave you satisfied. You are caught in quite a pickle, but I can honestly say that I have never met a woman that was not better off after leaving a man that did not respect her.

Univ. of Texas at Arlington, surveyed 262 marriage counselors. 22% thought marriages are jeopardized when the wife has an affair, while only 2% thought marriages are in trouble when the husband has an affair. 40% of the counselors he surveyed admitted that they themselves had had extramarital experiences

Myth #1: "Adultery is about sex." Often just the opposite seems the case. When a sexual affair is uncovered, observers often say, "What did he see in her?" or "What did she see in him?" Frequently the sex is better at home, and the marriage partner is at least as attractive as the adulterous partner.

Being pretty, handsome, or sensual is usually not the major issue. Partners in affairs are not usually chosen because they are prettier, more handsome, or sexier. They are chosen for various sorts of strange and nonsexual reasons.

Myth #5: "Adultery has to end in divorce." Only about 35 percent of couples remain together after the discovery of an adulterous affair; the other 65 percent divorce. Perhaps nothing can destroy a marriage faster than marital infidelity.

Answer 4

I had my husband cheat right after I gave birth to our first child. While I was pregnant he wasn't the greatest either but he didn't cheat(yet). It hurt alot because after all you think that this is the best time of your lives, your first child together and you should be more in love than ever like in the movies. Well I had a rude awakening. If he is truly willing to stay with you and work it out I say give him a chance. I gave my husband a chance and we are still together. I will not lie, it is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I still hurt sometimes and its been 2 years. I am not trying to scare you. Sorry if I am. Best wishes on your baby. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

You're in a tuff one girl. I can say that what he did was wrong, but there is a medical explanation for it. My wife and I ALMOST had the same problem. I can tell you what is going on in his mind. He sees that you are pregnant and it scares the He** out of him. He is turning to another woman for comfort, instead of telling you how he feels. Sit his A** down and talk to him NOW. If you let this go you will regret it even more so than before. Marriage can be saved. Just remember What would Jesus Do. God put my marriage of six years back on track he can help you also. I spent $2400 on a divorce to realize that I was wrong. My wife and I have been married for 8 yrs now and couldn't be happier

Answer 6

He was afraid. Afraid of the fact that he is now responsible for another life; responsible for a family. By befriending the other woman, he felt free from the severity of the situation at hand. It doesn't justify it but that's probably why. He somehow managed to turn it around and make you feel guilty and made you beg him to stay. He's an a$$hole and you need a backbone! Don't let that happen again or he will likely see it is okay and have a string of affairs.....providing you with a long loveless marriage.

Answer 7

Men are just plain pigs. So sorry that this happened when you were pregnant, but truthfully, to most men, that means nothing. They are selfish and self-serving. He didn't think about you when he was asking for another woman's #! Be prepared, he'll leave you, if not for her then for another woman. You'll be left to raise the kid.

I was married 7 years, he cheated with 6 different women (I found out about after the divorce)... during the last year or so of our marriage he looked up his old girlfriend from 15 years ago (high school) on classmates.com. They started emailing and chatting across the country... he finally said he wanted a divorce, so I was left raising two kids alone she moved into my house (across country!!) a month later and was pregnant 4 months after that. They're married and I still have to put up with the both of them and their kid. It sucks! Having a kid with someone is always a crap shoot. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high in this country. Just don't sheild your eyes - take your blinders off and don't lower your self-esteem just to stay married to your kid's father. If he's cheating, he's scum and not worth it!!!

Good luck!

Answer 8

OK, first, you shouldn't fell like you did something wrong. YOU didn't. OF COURSE he wants to make you feel that way because you caught him red handed.

Second - there is nothing wrong with trying to salvage the relationship. You obviously love the man, or you wouldn't have married him. And he will be the father of your child, so married or not, he will be a part of your life.

Why did he do it? Only he knows... I suggest asking him... most likely in the presence of a mediator. the only way to recover from the huge betrayal that he has put you through is professional counseling. This will uncover the truths, and why he would do something like this - and if you can ever trust him again. Counseling can help you uncover whether you can put this relationship back together.

Answer 9

I am sorry to say this but you and your child would be better off without him, but keep him as a good friend because of the child you are soon to share. It really depends on a few things, if you can learn to forgive him and trust him give him another chance. If you find it hard to forgive him then you, for your mental health and emotional well being you might be better off without him. Basically are you willing to trust him again and give him that chance if not then let it go now before it happens again. It must have been something special or real to him to buy her such an expensive gift. But you need to remember it is not her fault it is his. But I think you were in the right for calling her I would've done the same thing. He makes you feel like it is your fault to put your thinking on something other then what he did, he is trying to take the fault of his and redirect it to you. It's called mind control don't let him do that to you. My husband and I have been together for 10 years off and on more on then off, and married for 3 years. Keep in mind I am only 24, and if he was to do something like that to me, and we share two children I would have a hard to forgive him I would probably be in your shoes but I would also get the nerve to face it if he did it once he'll do it again and to spare my emotional state I would end up leaving him. Because it is not only gonna effect me (how I feel towards him, or another cheat) it now will effect our children and it isn't fair to them.

Answer 10

Do you love him? Do you believe he will remain true to you from now on? He was a real idiot and he probably felt so "manly" having two women wanting him at the same time. Another thing is maturity, is he a young guy who really doesn't know what to do, or is he a mature person. Did this start on a whim or was it planned? There are so many variables we don't know. Please do me this one favor, don't rely on any answer here to lead you, go with him to counseling with a professional marriage counselor or priest. This is a big deal because this decision is something that will affect your entire future life as well as your unborn child's. I prayed for you to make the right decision, Good Luck and God Bless.

Not Kidding this time.

Bob