can lack of affection and sex contribute to or even cause depression?

Question

I have been in a 2-year relationship and being rejected or deprived of affection and sex is making me nearly ill to the point that I am questioning my desireability. and wondering what is wrong with me. My partner doesn't even want me to touch him in any way. I am beside myself. when I approach the topic and my needs and desires he get defensive and starts to argue telling me that all I want him for is sex---I am lucky to be intimate once a month. Is this normal???? I am not ugly nor overwieght---other males to which I have discussed this with as friends tell me that he is crazy and needs to step back and take a good look at what he is rejecting and denying pleasure too. Please help

Answer 1

You completley answered your own question. "I am beside myself". You said yourself you are being rejected and deprived of affection. Is that someone you feel you really want to be with? Someone who doesn't show compassion obviously doesn't have a problem with you, its with himself. He needs to figure out what his problem is and solve it, and maybe if he's lucky you might be around to help him out. Never assume that its your fault- I feel that women have tendencies to blame themselves for faults in their partners. Just be sure you are getting your needs taken care of, and maybe take a break from this guy until he figures out his problems. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

I was in a relationship like this once & it was very harmful to my sefl esteem. let alone made me very depressed. Because I like you am not an ugly person inside or out. But it should not matter what you look like on the outside. If he is with you then he should be with you. It sounds like he has issues that go way deeper then even what you can define for him. 2 years is a very long time to take that kind fo abuse. I would get out & get out now. I know that sounds harsh, but it would make for a better you in the long run. You need to be treated with kindness and love. And some heavy petting in the bedroom would be nice too!!! If he has issues about that and wont talk to you or tells you that your just in it for the sex, then it's him, NOT YOU! You sound like your doing things just fine. I wasted a few years on that man too a few years back & it the the worst thing I could have done. Then I got smart & got rid of him. Well guess what he is still single & miserable & I have found someone else who worships me, body, mind & soul.
You have to ask yourself this question: Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now? Still with him, getting more and more rejection & more & more depressed from it? Is it healthy? Heck no! Your better then that! Your worth more then that! You deserve a better relationship then that!
I hope this helps

Answer 3

If affection and/or sex with this ONE person is what you base your self worth on - then of course it can lead to depression. I have dealt with people that are drug or alcohol obsessed for the last three years and many of them have had what one may infer as an idyllic life, however because of their personal issues they fall into the "disease" of self abuse. You alone determine what your own triggers are. No one can control you or make you feel anything. You set the parameters of your own life.

Now I am not talking about that wonderful thing called infatuation which is a chemically iniated excitement based on natural pheremones and the mental triggers that give us the definition of what we call 'hot' in another. We all have that moment that we look at another person and just say WOW! How you handle that wow is your determination of emotional maturity.

I am talking about the strength of character that allows you to set standards for your own life. If you determine that sex and affection is something that you need in a relationship calmly and simply discuss this with your partner. If they can not or will not respect your needs then you should find someone that will. Don't threaten to leave "or else!", just go.

There are two main things anyone needs in a perminant relationship. 1. respect 2. mutual goals

If you do not have both of those thing the relationship is doomed. Love changes, money comes and goes and age will come to all. When the beauty and fame and power are gone - what do you have? The goal is not the resolution but the journey. Find someone you can communicate with or your relationships will always fail.

If, as you say, you are an attractive intelligent person, this man is not right for you or you are not right for him, either way you need to move on. Now I am not saying simply out of the relationship, try a new tact to get him in the mood. If he is the one you choose fight for the relationship. You determine what is right for you. If this seems too wishy washy I am sorry. Some people like to get spanked, others like to spank, who are you?

Set your own parameters and then live up to them.

Answer 4

As for the sex part, sex is usually best left until marriage because like you can see, it complicates things, but it can contribute to your feels when you don't even have basic affection. Being in a relationship means being affectionate with the other person, otherwise what is it but a friendship? People have different "love languages", and apparently one of yours is physical attention. If you've tried talking to your partner about it and he won't do anything or simply tells you how lucky you are and how dare you ask the question, you might be best moving on from that relationship. Even though it's "secure" and being single can be a scary prospect, he obviously isn't giving you what you need to feel loved, cherished, and protected. The sex question is up to you, but it is the duty of both men and women to make whomever they're in a relationship to cherish and care for each other, that's what a relationship is, and if you're not feeling that or getting kicked in the teeth whenever you try to open up and express your anxieties about feeling attractive, I think it'd be best for you to get some good friends for support and move on, else you'll keep hurting because of someone who isn't willing to make sacrifices to make you feel loved.

Answer 5

Lack Of Affection

Answer 6

I think it's pretty obvious that this is not happening because of anything that has to do with you, or with how "disireable" you may be. Whatever the problem is, it is originating in HIM, not you. However, since it affects you, it seems only natural that you're wondering if something is wrong with you.
But it is not "normal" to be in a long term relationship and not have any serious affectionate or sexual contact, unless it was something you both agreed upon in the beggining. Which is apparently not the case.
What ever his hangups are in regards to sex and affection, it seems that the two of you need to have a real serious talk about it. But if he reacts to your inquiry by becomming angry or defensive, then his "problem is much deeper and might be a long way from ever comming to the surface.

Answer 7

yes it can and honey, you are with the WRONG guy. I have been in that situation and I was the most miserable person on the planet, felt like it anyway, and I got out, have a new man, new daughter, and some of the best sex and affection I have ever recieved from anyone. You need to find someone that loves you. If he REALLY loved you, this would not be a problem. Do yourself a favor. Leave him! Its not going to change!!!Thats what I think anyway. Good luck!

Answer 8

It's hard I'm a male but the situation the same except the arguments all I get is it's me not you so don't feel bad . We have a great family 4cchildren I couldn't do anything to hurt them. I love her so much but it gets harder and harder as time goes by . I've flirted with others not with the intention of cheating just to make me feel good that someone wants me . There's no effort to change . I get so down keep asking my self why , it's taken over my life . I follow her monthly cycle on a app and I count the days by . It sounds mad but when she's on I sleep loads better and feel loads better as I know there's a reason at that point .

Answer 9

A combination of ALL that you are going through can lead to depression.

Intimacy and sex, just like exercise, produces endorphins in our bodies that help us fight pain, and make us feel energized and exhilirated. but aside from the biological functions, this person is also emotionally abusive to you, telling you your needs aren't important and leaving you imprisoned in a horrible relationship where YOU feel less desireable.

Honey, I have never met you, but I can tell you - it isn't you that is undesireable in this relationship! Your partner is rude, and this is NOT a loving relationship.

it won't be easy, but I suggest leaving this person. people who love each other like hugs and kisses and sex!! He may need therapy to understand what's wrong, but I bet he thinks it is all your fault. You can't fix him, but you can help yourself!!

Get rid of him, and call up your best girlfriends for some comfort, and some ice cream, and then get on with your life and someone better WILL come along.

Answer 10

Yes, it can cause depression and a whole lot of other emotions. If you aren't married, and I guess even if you are, I think I would take a good look at the relationship and decide if you want it to keep going. I think that everybody needs love, affection, touch and kind words and if your not getting it, yes it could make you question yourself. And it hurts-deeply!