Need Some Man Advice?

Question

Ok, 10 years I have been in this relationship and there are 2 kids involved. This is my problem. It has always seemed to be that we alternate our moods. When I am in a good mood, he isn't and visa versa. My question is this....When a guy is doing the pushing away and in a bad mood, what is a good way to handle it. I know being aggressive doesn't help anything but sometimes it can be hard to just sit back and take it. What do you do when it is their mood swing time?

When he is moody, i usually try to lighten the mood with little jokes or a love pat on the bottom , that type of thing but was wondering if there were any other tips i was missing. We both are similar in personality type, but we are different when it comes down to moods and timing. I have my time around, well you know, my time, he he, and his is the week after. Must be related. There is alot of love and alot of times of no problems in the relationship but just want some tips from those with experience on other ways to deal with my feelings within when he's in a bad mood, not how to change him. Coping tools is what i am looking for.

Answer 1

Thanks for clarifying your Q. I think you just need to find a hobby (reading, walking, collecting something, knitting, writing, working out, antiquing, etc.) or make more time with friends (just you and them, no hubby/bf allowed).

Another way to cope is to try to find ways to help him get back on track. I found that when my gf is sweet, kind, giving, attentive, and most of all, patient with me, it brings me around a lot quicker than when she keeps bugging me, begging me to say what's wrong, pouting, or giving silent treatment.

All guys are diff. so what works with one may not work with others. That's why I suggest asking him what you can do, and try to avoid making him defensive like he has a problem that needs fixed (which isn't far from the truth, BTW). Hopefully you can work through this together so you'll both get along better and find/create more happiness.

Answer 2

I can understand why you have your mood swings and when, that is something that you can't completely control. His however sounds like he is just upset or frustrated that you had that time of the month and now he is being childish by having a few days where he is going to be moody. When he is this way, have you tried just talking to him as little as necessary? I know this may sound childish or petty but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire so to speak. If he sees that you are no longer trying to cheer him up, he may just snap out of his self imposed funk!
He may also need to learn to help you a bit more when you are having your time. Talk to him and tell him what is the best thing he can do for you when it's that time for you. Maybe then it will make things a bit easier on you and he won't act that way afterwards!
I wish you luck in which ever way you go!

Answer 3

Im not a man but I have been dealing with a very moody man for over 10 years n have found that just sitting there staring at him like he is crazy works.seriously I let him rant,rave and carry on.when he goads me into saying anything I say simply I reserve that right 2 speak til I feel u can listen.n then I do not say anything else.after his mood is over, he storms around the house yelling or as he puts it talking 2 himself since no one listens,he storms out 4 a bit.I just let it go 4 a while then when I see he is in a better mood I sit down n try 2 talk 2 him if he gets stupid in anyway I end the conversation n do not say anthing.again I wait n try again once he is in a different mood.it takes time and incredable amounts of patients but my theripist says Im handling it well.he actually is starting 2 not start yelling it has taken a year but he is slowly getting better especially after he say that I could be quiet 4 a very very long time it drove him nuts.

Answer 4

It's hard to understand what your actual question is... Do you mean how do you try to get him in a good mood when you are in a good mood and he is in a bad mood?

When my husband is being grumpy sometimes I just have to let him be. Nothing I would do would help...

but first I try to make him laugh. If I can get him to laugh I know everything will be fine. There are little inside joke and intimate things just between the two of us that I use to do this.

I also try to cook him his favorite dinner or do something special just for him - even if all I do is make a special effort to get to the store to get him something he needs.

If I'm trying really hard and all else has failed I try sex. If THIS fails.. then I know I need to give him some space and nothing I do is going to be of help.

Answer 5

When you are being pushed away, the best way to handle it is to go away.

Sometimes people play games and pretend to push away just to cause the other person to pay attention to them, so you will have to decide his motives for pushing you away.

Based on what you wrote, it appears you both do the same thing and do so to get attention.

Response:

Find a hobby that you can pursue when he is in a bad mood.

And, he should do the same.

There is little or nothing a person can do to change someone else's mood, so you have to entertain yourself otherwise.

It's up to you to find something to amuse you so you can cope.

Answer 6

Negative moods only occur in people that are self centered and out of control with it. You are sure wasting time that you can't get back being a butt. Tick tock tick tock Gone forever,,,, Yes you can be happy 99.99% of the time. if you choose....

Answer 7

just leave him alone until he comes around go out with the kids and give him time to come around

Answer 8

Best to let them Stew!
Trust me they soon come running when their good 'n' ready.

Answer 9

seek counciling