complicated relantionship q for the rest of america?

Question

Living in a state where most marriages happen at 21 for guys and 19 for girls ( not kidding - its completely true) I have a question for the rest of you who live in normal states.
This is really complicated. His religious beliefs dont let him sleep with anybody until marriage, not even do anything that can be considered fooling around etc. He is an amazing guy, very smart, handsome, funny, knows where he's going in life. I like his religion more or less, but am not That much into it. I am willing to let him do it though and even occasionally go with him to church. I really like the rules that forbid him to drink and smoke, etc. so that religion is GREAT for some things. but Im on fence about it, - I love him and want to marry him, but an opinion from the rest of the world - if I dont know anything about his sexual drive/ behavior/ preferences and wont be able to find out till after marriage - is it worth it? Do you think that is an important thing to know before tying the knot?

Answer 1

Even the most sexually experienced person can suck in the sack.

There are a couple of points I'd like to bring up about your question....
First, the religious aspect. I don't really practice my faith, but I used to and I know that it is incredibly important to those who do. If you're on the fence about the religion, you should look into it more deeply. It sounds like it plays a huge role in his life and that probably won't change after marriage. Plus you'll probably be performing religious marriage traditions during the wedding....are you ready for that?
Along with very religious people comes their family....if you don't want to practice the religion, the family will see that and might make you're life more complicated for it. In laws can be tricky to deal with.

On to the sex....yes, sex is very important in relationships because it is when two people come together. People have lots of different preferences and desires. However, there are millions of ways to improve in the bedroom; from videos to toys and games to enhancers. Sex is NOT everything. If you're worried about his abilities, just remember it's easier to train someone on what you like than have to reteach them and erase all the things you don't like.
Communication will play a HUGE role in this relationship from religion to the bedroom and everything in between. If you're willing to wait and work on the relationship when obstacles arise, you should be fine. But if you're going to focus on one aspect relentlessly, you'll probably lose him anyway.

I say, talk to him and tell him how you feel. That's the only place to start. I don't think it's a requirement to know your partner sexually prior to marriage, but that's a decision you'll have to make on your own.

Please remember that it is hard to find great guys in today's world, no matter what state you're in (and CA is not "normal" or easier.) Marriage is hard work at any stage, but knowing the person you're with is in it for the long haul makes it a little easier. Good luck and think about the fact that sex is easier to fix than a marriage/relationship.

Answer 2

marriage isnt based on sex.... it is based on many things...including communication. You should be able to talk w/ him about it..if you cant, then dont get married. This is a good challenge for you before you get married. You can get thru anything if you have communication.... Its all about what you make things mean....everyone looks at things differently. And there will be many many times where you wont have the same views..but u have to be willing to talk things out. Unfortunatley many people will probably tell you that you cant marry someone u havent had sex with... What do you make sex mean? He obviously has a different meaning, and is waiting..if it means something totally different to you..and its what you have to know before hand..then you are basing your marriage on the wrong thing... You will know when you have found mr. right.. its a package deal.

Answer 3

Well, if you ever watched Sex and the City, perhaps you remember when Charlotte married Trey. And if you never saw it: one of the main characters named Charlotte marries a man named Trey. She wants to do this relationship right despite she's had sex with other men before but with Trey, she insists upon waiting until marriage. And wouldn't you know it, he has problems getting it up. And then it snowballs from there. I'd take your time getting to know this man more and making an effort to get more acquainted with his religion. If it's not something you're totally in-sync with, then maybe you should move on to find what you need to feel fulfilled in a relationship and leave him to find someone who shares his values entirely. My boyfriend doesn't believe in God. I don't believe in religion and believe in God mostly because I'm afraid he'll smite me (LOL). But we respect each other there and it's not important to me. Besides, we were both raised Jewish so we have the same family values at least. For you, you will have to look into it more and you will have your answer. Good luck!

Answer 4

I use the saying..You don't buy a car before you test drive it..its very important..he may be a great guy..but if he can't satisfy you in bed..then its going to be disapointing and huge problem in the marriage..because he most likely will not "explore" different postions and other things until WAY later...Its a difficult path..but I think its an important thing to know before marrying someone...

Answer 5

This sounds alot like the Mormon religion Marina. It is really hard to know what he will be like sexually. He doesn't even know himself! If you love him and marry him, you could show him things he could do to pleasure you and you show him things you can do to pleasure him! If you think about it, you get to teach him how to do this exactly the way you want to! What kind of sex drive he will have is the great unknown!
I wish you luck which ever way you go!

Answer 6

If you're close enough to him, ask him about it. I live my life in a very similar manner to him, but that doesn't mean I don't have a sex drive. When I finally do meet the right person and get married, I'm sure we'll be taking care of business like bunny rabbits!

Answer 7

There is nothing wrong with waiting until your married to have sex. The giving of yourself is the ultimate gift you can give another person. I would be concerned more about his religion than anything as it sounds like it runs his life. He has to be able to think and do for himself and not have his church tell him how to live his life. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

You're kidding, right? It sounds as if you are about to marry a Mormon...the entire church comes with the package, and a passel of kids, to boot. I am quite sure I want to be sexually compatible with anyone I commit to, and will not buy a pig in a poke. Good grief!

Answer 9

Until a person has experienced sexual relations, there is no way to predict future behavior.

If sex is a primary motivator in your life, then you should reconsider your decision.

It's possible he will become a great lover once he gets over his fear of having sex, but no one really knows, not even him.

It's your decision and you will live with it.

Answer 10

i think waiting till marriage is worth it and great. however, if you are unequally yoked in your relationship (dont share the same beliefs) then you should not be together. that it self can cause many issues!!