Help! I can't live with it anymore. My fiance has addictions to alcohol,drugs, porn and now he hits me.?

Question

My fiance and I have been together for a year and a half. Now, he doesn't talk of any future wedding date. We had a marriage license and it expired. He was the one who brought up marriage then he said I was pushing him and he wasn't ready. We live together and are expecting a baby in a week or two. He's really into porn. I've talked to him, cried about it and he still continues to do it. He hides it and lies about it. Last night I caught him in the second bedroom masterbating. I was in our room laying in bed alone. I'm never satisfied. I feel terrible. I've never had a problem satisfying a man. I told him I was willing to do anything the pornos were doing. I tried watching it with him. I've asked him what can I do different? All he has ever said was to be more aggressive sexually. It's hard to do that when I know he's been watching porn and getting it like that. He knows how to satisfy me, he just doesn't. Last night after I caught him he hit me and told me it wasme.

Answer 1

oh hun, i cry for you. thats alot to take on when pregnant. i feel your pain, honey, ive been in an abusive relationship and he will never change. now that he has hit you it will get worse and he will do it more often. first he will go through the honeymoon stage and be sorry but im telling you he wont change. it takes the miracle of god to change an abusive man, and it sounds like yo;ur b/f is far from giving it to god. if need to chat email me @[e-mail]. his porn addiction is something that he will not be able to quit, and trust me it has nothing to do with you (you probabley feel that way esp being pregnant) he needs to get help to fix that. professional help. and you can't force him. unfortunately the images of porn hardly ever leave one's head. if you want to make a better life for you and your baby then you need to leave. their are ways to do so. or kick him out if you can. it will be along time before all this can be resolved. start praying now, and dont give up. your prayers may not be answered over night.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Leave. Don't walk, RUN. Go to a women's shelter. Or a friend or family's house. He is abusing you and you don't deserve it. No one deserves it. You are not going to be able to change him. He is addicted. Only he can change himself, and he won't do that until he's ready.

I was with an user and abuser for 20 years. He never changed, had multiple affairs (I only found out about 2 of them and suspect many more). He was addicted to drugs and porn and wouldn't stop doing either one, no matter what I said or did. To this day, he is still addicted and has lost everything in his life due to it. I left him and now have an awesome guy that loves, respects, and cherishes me. He totally treats me like a God, like a woman deserves to be treated. He's not into porn, drugs, alcohol, cheating, etc. Neither am I.

Just get the h**l out of there. You will feel sooooooo much better, and safer. Imagine what he will do to your child once it's born? Hit it. Masturbate in front of it until it's old enough to be sexually abused (believe me, it happens a lot). You not only need to protect yourself, you need to protect that innocent baby.

Answer 4

As hard as this sounds, I think you need to leave him. I don't think he is ready for marriage and maybe he was just mentioning it because of the baby. A man never has the right to hit a woman, NEVER, even if he is your fiance, but what makes it worse is that he blames you and he even hit you while your pregnant. Not only putting you in danger but your child. This man is not a man you would want around later in life, who might continue to hit you or even hit your child. It sounds like he is interested in other things and it might be better off for you just to leave him and start all over and find someone that will appreciate you and treat you right!!! Good Luck to you!!

Answer 5

Honey, don't let him blame you for his addictions. They started long before you entered the picture and I can assure you that he will never be happy with any woman that he is with until he is recovering. The thing is you can't make him do anything, he has to want to change. My advice is to get out while you still can, your future with him is empty. I know you "love him" but he doesn't love you or himself and there will be tons of heartache in the future, beleive me, I'm married to a recovering addict. I love my husband but if he hadn't made this life change I would have had no choice but to leave him, for my sake and my childrens.
He will never satisfy you, he is all about him and nursing his wounds from whatever went on his past by doing what makes him feel good and forget. He wouldn't know how to love you like you need to be loved. Have some respect for yourself and start a new life over...and find out what attracts you to this type of a man, get counseling, but don't stay. A man should never strike a woman and a woman should never strike a man, no matter how angry you get...and believe me IT WASN'T YOU...infact it has NOTHING to do with you. Please get out while you can.

Answer 6

GET YOURSELF OUT!!
My marriage was nearly exactly as that and it hasn't been very pleasant at all. It got so bad I had to get a restraining order on him and of course, I took him back after two months because I believed what he said about changing. But, it's been very hard for both of us. The last incident occurred in march where I was left on a freeway shoulder with a severly cut knee in the snow without a jacket at midnight, and yes, he apologized a little, but he still says it was because I pushed him to do it. It's hard to get away from it once it's happened several times--but you can stop it NOW by just leaving altogether before the emotions get stronger. It's not going to get better and unless you want to raise your child with his attitude and have him/her see his father like that and become that, get out please. Don't be scared or worried, just naturally let your defensive instincts to escape and be safe take over. You'll be amazed at what your maternal instincts will let you accomplish.
His porn habits are unacceptable, and he may reason that because you are pregnant he has a "right" to satisfy himself, but that's not a loving partner who is going to be a father. He shouldn't be making you do porn actions because unless you really want to be like those porn stars, he should be understanding of you and who you are. My husband stopped porn watching and really made a decision to avoid looking at other women lustfully (he fails sometimes but readily apologizes) but only after i got the restraining order and we were separated for two months, plus I've become very blunt and direct in letting him know it is not okay for many reasons and he knows that he can't get away with it anymore. However, I've learned to make compromises too. Just leave him, you'll be fine and you will find your strength again and you'll make yourself happy. You need to respect yourself first before anyone will respect you and plus, you are going to be a momma which means you'll need focus on your baby instead.
hope you will be okay.

Answer 7

Get out while you can. It will only get worse. You cant bring an innocent baby into this kind of relationship. He has addictions that overpower his priorities. If a man starts hitting on you get rid of him. He has no respect for anyone, not even himself. I've been in an abusive marriage and the only way to get away from it is to end it. Please dont bring an innocent child into this. You and your baby deserve a better chance.

Answer 8

Let me suggest that you look at this in another way.

HIS behavior is terrible and abusive. Period.
But, YOU'RE the one putting up with it.

I think everyone here will tell you to get out. And I agree.

But just also consider that we accept this kind of behavior because somewhere, deep inside, we think we deserve it.

You don't deserve it. And... even if YOU have trouble really believing that, I'm sure you'll agree that your sweet, soon-to-be baby doesn't.

He sounds like a creep. And... he's NOT going to change.

If your best friend told you all of this, what would your advice to her be?

Answer 9

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It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' alone.

Answer 10

You seem to be rather young - under 21. You should go to your parents or minister or female police officer or trusted OLDER friend and share this problem with them. What you DO NOT NEED is a shoulder to cry on and complain to. YOU NEED someone who will offer you (or help you find):

A) a place to move to temporarily - a refuge from this man who is treating you so horribly;

B) solid advice on how to protect yourself from him if he tries to stalk you or hurt you further;

C) group, or one-on-one, therapy to help you make sense of your situation, how it got so bad, why you deserve better, and how you can learn from it so you don't end up with another loser.

Best of luck, and don't wait. Don't tell him anything, because he cannot be trusted and he does not deserve your sympathy. GO FIND HELP, my friend, before he convinces you that you have NO CHOICE but to stay with him and be his slave and submit to all his abuse.