Why would you still not accept these?

Question

These days premarital sex, the loosing of one's virginity, cohabiting, divorces, pornographic books and movies, multi partner sex and so on are all very common. It has become a part of our society and life.

Yet, why is it most people still find it difficult to accept a new step parent, or a parent's divorce, or a spouse infidelity, or even a step sibling?

Why is it when daddy brings home a new mummy, she is still treated with utmost suspicion? Likewise, why will a spouse feel incensed if his/her partner has cheated him/her?

Aren't are all these things common today? Will you accept it if your spouse told you she was formally a prostitute after your marriage or will you accept it if you know your daughter is sleeping around? Why wouldn't you accept these? Aren't they part of our lives today?

I hope you get what I am trying to ask.

Answer 1

The reason people still find it difficult to accept these kinds of things is that we are still very primitive and puritanical and for some reason that is difficult to explain, many people still think sex is 'wrong' or 'dirty' or 'sinful'. Our minds are stuck in the past, when divorce was considered 'wrong' and virginity was considered to be 'pure'.

Yes, we should be more mature and more civilized and educated and get our brains out of the past, but it takes time.

Answer 2

Yeah, I understand what you're asking. I wonder that about the boyfriends and girlfriends nowadays and parents, also.

The problem is that everything you mentioned- premarital sex, divorces, multipartner sex, etc - is considered COMMON and NORMAL nowadays. Just a decade or two ago, divorces were hardly thought about or mentioned, because the children were important and life was important. Even though we might let ourselves divorce somebody, we still don't approve of it, especially in another person.

As for your question of accepting a new step parent, sibling, or divorces, if you really think about it, as a child, you aren't really connected to that stuff yet. Your family is your family. In all those childrens' books that you were read as a child, the family and the house was the most basic setting. As a teenager, while you might have lost your virginity to premarital sex, your family is still the rock of your life. That's the one thing that won't, and shouldn't, change. For ages, the family has been important.

Right now, these things have become way too common. If things continue the way they are going, in 50 or 100 years maybe having children would mean having a one-night stand and then giving the children to a home. That's an exaggeration of a possibilty, though. But we have to watch ourselves in doing this. I think of the teenage and college years as a time to explore possibilities of partners, to see who is compatible with who. At that age, you can have as many boyfriends as you want, and you don't have to sleep with them. Once you find the right person, though, you have to make sure it's the best person suited to you so that you have a lower chance of getting divorced and getting another spouse. If you try to change your way of thinking about divorces and such, and try to spread the word to as many people as possible, maybe things will go back to the way it was only a few decades ago...

It's great that you're thinking about such things. These things are common, but they shouldn't be.

Answer 3

Step -dad, -mom, -daughter, -son: this has to do with loyalty to the original parent and the introduction of a new control. It's hard to accept (if you are the son or daughter) that there is someone new, who has not known you your whole life, telling you what is best. Also there is the jealousy issue. After a divorce it is common for the separated parents to pay extra attention to their children, for a multitude of reasons. With the introduction of a new partner that attention is somewhat diverted. Where as you and I are used to divorce, children are not and cannot be expected to.

As far as infidelity go: this is a matter of trust, the fact that you still call it cheating implies that is still considered a negative. In the '60s they tried to introduce a more open way of living, it didn't fly in our puritan society. Church and state reinforce societal views of "Christian moralities" thus making anything sex related, even sex itself, bad or "immoral". I think these ideals will change over time, but it will be one of the more slowly progressing areas of society. Personally my husband and I have a rule, if we're interested in someone else we talk about it before hand. Then it's not "cheating", just sex.

Hope this helped out!

Answer 4

Unfortunately you are right that all the things you mention are commonplace today. But that doesn't mean it's right, or that it should be accepted, just because it is so common.

Step-parents are usually not accepted initially because the child(ren) is/are hoping that the natural parents will reunite. And the step parent is seen as thwarting the chances of this ever happening.

I would kick out any man if i trusted him enough to fall into marriage again, and then found out that he had been witholding a truth from me.

If i found out my daughter was sleeping around, at whatever age, i would wonder why her self-esteem was so low, and i would sit her down and get her to talk to me until she told me the reasons for her actions.

Yes, life has changed,but not everything's for the better. Maybe if we went back a few paces, and tried to bring back the 'old-fashioned' values, some of these problems would disappear

Answer 5

there is a HUGE difference between what happens in society, and what happens in your own home.

Look at it this way, you watch the news, you hear about people's homes being broken into or burning to the ground, or a loved one being killed by a drunk driver - you think, wow, how sad...but it doesn't affect you...

then it happens to you....

Side point though, there is a HUGE difference between things like prostitution/pronography etc and divorce/new families...and the reaction to it.

When you talk about children, and the change in family, you have to understand that a child doesn't want their world rocked, nor did they ask for it and very rarely does any parent properly prepare them for it. - they are too young to understand the concept of relationships failing...so of course it is met with resistance - they want what they are accustomed to. It's familiar and comfortable.

When it comes to the sex industry, that just has to do with morality - some are more accepting of looser morals than others - and it should be that way - keeps things in balance.

Just because something is common, doesn't mean it is soemthing that should be accepted without question.

Answer 6

Because all of those ugly things are common in todays society does not make them right. It just proves that the evil is winning out.

We do not have to conform because everyone else is doing it. The world would become a world of followers and not leaders.

Spouses should never cheat. people should be honest with each other before they are married and if they are remarried and happy, familys should accept that individuals children and all if need be.

We live in a world of free thinkers not conformers. People make mistakes. Marriages fail and new marriages begin. And just for the record pornography breeds perverts.

If my spouse said he use to be a prostitue then I would be angry at me because he lied not because of what he did.

Just for the record as well, The things you mentioned above may be common in your life but they are not common in everyones life.

Monogomy, family values, honesty and love for man kind does still exist and is still common.

It is just skewed because the news and media protray the negative things for ratings.

Keep your chin up and know the world has good in it. :)

Answer 7

All these things are more common today - but I think most people would prefer it not to be this way. Deep down we know that these things are morally wrong and thats what makes us uncomfortable and suspicious. It has become an UNWANTED part of our society and life. THe majority of people want to live in a monogomous relationship with a life partner...only the selfish want to pick and mix.

Answer 8

Because it's not about sex or what is common in society.

When someone can't accept a new step parent, or divorce or infidelity it's because of the expectations WE have of people. We want to know that the person we knew is still that same person. When they divorce and remarry, we need to change our perceptions and that's just not easy. Change is difficult for most people.

Answer 9

-i'm sorry but in my eyes all those things are not permited my daughter would be out on her ear if she slept around there is no0 need for it and as for porn its serves a purpose think how many rapes may have been prevented through that and prostitutes too they play a pretty big role in society it's because hearts hvae been broken in two when it comes to new partners trust me i iknow from first hand experiance that its more a hurt and shattered feeling that leeds to disaproval i'm ging through hell myself right now with my ex he wants to take my son and move him in with a step mummy and it;'s not going to happen i adore my children and he has never botherd in the five years its all down to feelings inside and they are the hardest to over come as it can cause so many emotional problems social standards have slipped immeasurably but emotional trauma is always going to be the same

Answer 10

I think you are right Americans have become some de-sensitized about relationships, cheating, and sex that it is hard to understand why it is so acceptable, but it still hurts people so bad. It is so common that the percentages of divrcees and families breaking up has risen, and also STD's and stuff like that have become an epidemic.