my significant other has 2 kids by a previous marriage, and they are both slobs?

Question

the boy is 16 girl is 14, all they do is eat and sleep all day they whine about everything he tell them to do they hate cleaning but love to mess up things, now they're starting to talk back to their dad and the son thinks he's and adult, has even tried to fight back with his dad, its really sad when he tell them to do something they talk back word for word as if they're his equal .. he tells me that I don't like his kids, thats not true I don't like the things they do he need to get them under control otherwise i feel he'll be sorry later

Answer 1

This is a tough spot because people resent it if you start telling them how to raise their kids...I should know. MY sig. other has 2 children from a previous marriage! (boy 11 & girl 12)

They are the opposit though. Incredibly obedient, but almost to a fault. The daughter especially, stays home ALL the time and has no friends. My SO refuses to approach her about it, so I do. I live with them.

One thing I DO do is, if she is ever disrespectful to me (which she can be if he isnt around) I immediately assert myself and put her in her place. That is what you need to do for you, for right now. If they start back talking YOU, then maybe tell your SO first that it may be alright if they talk to HIM that way, but NOT ok, for them to treat you that way, and you will say something to them next time it happens.

He shouldnt have any problem with it, and if it comes down to you having to talk to them, then maybe htey will learn that they cant treat adults with such disrespect for no reason.

Answer 2

Just remember that they will be moving out soon. Do they live there full time? Try talking to them about wanting to help them get ready for their transition to Independence, and stay out of their fights with their father. There are lots of books on step-parenting. Try to look past their crap and spend some small amount of time hanging out and being pleasant with them. don't assume a role of an authority figure, but do remain the adult in the situation.
I am a step-parent and it can be really hard. Reading books on the subject helped me a lot. I don't say it out loud, and often feel guilty about it, but I do not love her like my own. I learned from the reading that that is okay, that loving them like that is mostly a romantic idea, and that the best way to prevent problems is to not parent them, but to just be a trusted adult friend.
Oh yeah, when they make messes leave the messes for their dad. don't fight with them about it or clean up after them and then complain to him. It is his problem. let him deal with it.

Answer 3

Tell your boyfriend that it has nothing to do with liking or dis-like with his kids- tell him that you accept him as well as his kids, but it comes down to a level of respect- for self, for other prople's house and especially respect for older adults. It is his job to teach them this, but I say not to omit yourself from this picture- teach them too- where you can. As far as the son goes, he is right around the corner from 18 and I think you, your boyfriend and his son should sit down and discuss future plans with him and let it be known that he can not disrespect his father and still expect for him to take care of him after 18. If he thinks he's grown now- waite till he gets a taste of the real world when he can look back to now and see how good he use to have it.

I agree with you that this should be handled now before it gets out of control or to the point you just can not resolve anything.

I hope you are wise and don't let this bother your relationship with your man- remember- the kids will not be around forever.

good luck, take it easy and try to help where you can

maybe it is true that it takes a village to raise a child- so put in where you can

Answer 4

That's tough. Show him this question. He'll understand that you want to make things better for the family. One of the most important things a parent can give their child is discipline. When they talk back tell them he's not scolding you for his health, you still need guidance from your parents. He wouldn't bother if he didn't love you, and all he gets in return is an insolent child. Ask them how they would treat their own children, and how they would want to be treated by their kids. Remind them what happens to children w/ indifferent parents. If you still can't reach them I would try family counseling. Strong families have a much better quality of life.

Answer 5

at the starting up, provide up relating them as bags as he would get the incorrect message. Ask him WHY he thinks that, because if he's affirming it he's both a touch paranoid or choosing up on some non-verbals. Ask him what his expectations are in words of your courting with them. He would nicely be over-analysing issues and through the solutions to those 2 questions, you could do the mathematics and fasten the precedence.

Answer 6

Well dad is not really a dad if he let his kids talk back and try to fight him. Cause if I did that to my dad I will be the colors of the rainbow.(you feel me)
He need to take his kids to a group home and let them see what happens their cause its not pretty and tell them if they don't straight up they be their with them. Cause you cant spank kids like you used to cause they got social services on their side.

Answer 7

Sounds like it would be best for you to be a silent significant other!! If he's already telling you that "You don't like my kids" it seems to me that he will stick up for his kids no matter how rotten they are. I know its hard but just try to turn your head ,ignore whats going on and let him handle the "kid situation" no matter how poor of a job he's doing raising them. That is, if you truely love him and want to stay with him!!!

Answer 8

Sounds like you are in a no win situation. Your significant other will ALWAYS side with his kids, especially if he thinks you don't like them. I understand what you are saying completely, but if your S.O. is not willing to do anything, you may as well leave it alone because you won't win. Even though your heart is in the right place, your S.O. won't see it. He will always see it as an attack on his children.

Answer 9

Sounds like a pair of two red blooded teenagers. And you are right time to start taking privelages away.

Answer 10

get out while you can, if you still must see this jerk then do it at your apt. that will be neat and clean like you.if this p.o.s. of a father sees the error of his was and the kids can learn(assuming there not all brain dead) then move back in .yhea...like that will ever happen.