i'm married but .....i'm having an affair?

Question

i only went after him to see if i could get him,now we're seeing each other once a week and not just for office visits.my husband and i are so distant that i don't even feel guilty.oh yeah , he's married too. we just click together and its great, but we dont love each other,we're just having fun.....what you think

Answer 1

This isn't good. Stop the affair. You don't even sound like you're enjoying it. Talk to your husband and find out how you can rekindle things with him. Good luck!

Answer 2

Oh boy! I should be able to answer this one well. When I found out my soon-to-be-ex husband was cheating, his best friend started coming to see me (A lot). One thing led to another and we began an affair which has lasted 2 years. At first, we both thought it was just s-e-x then it went into something more meaningful. Finally I told my husband when he told me the truth. I made the conscious decision that I was happier with my lover. Enough to leave my husband and file for divorce because it was the right thing to do for myself. Be careful with this one because it's always hard to cut your losses and take a risk and know you can lose both your husband and your lover AND your reputation. It isn't an easy thing to go through. I hated every minute of it and would never go through it again in a million years. Above all try to stay honest with yourself if you can. To this day I am still with my lover and we've begun "dating" seriously. I do worry that my lover will inevitably dump me when the divorce is cleared but I have also resorted to the fact that my marriage was falling apart long before he came along. It was already over. Cheating is often a symptom of the real problem NOT necessarily THE problem itself. Ask yourself this: Would I want to be without my husband even if I had no lover? That will give you the answer you need in order to make the right choice.

Answer 3

It really shouldn't matter what others think. If it really does, let it be your husband who gets to voice his opinion. Telling him won't change your relationship with your new playmate because that man cares about you only to the degree that you might become an inconvenience to him. It is your husband who deserves the respect to know that you are dissatisfied sexually. If you don't love your new lover then it's not emotional for you. Do you love your husband? People go through phases and that affects their relationships. Talking about it with your husband will open a new phase in your relationship. It may bring you closer together. You might discover that your husband is distant from you because he's been meeting a hot lover once a week for a long time and finds you boring. How would you feel about that? It may set you bother racing off to the divorce attorney's office. Regardless, something exciting will happen.

Answer 4

I am currently reading a book
Divorce Proofing Your Marriage
By Linda S Mintle, PhD

Its got some great stuff in there
just a warning, If you are not Christian, you may not like it.

marriage is not just a contract. It is a cevenent between you, your husband, and God.


You and you husband need to go to counciling, which, would be a waste of money if you keep having your affair.

Divorce only hurts. Working through the pain, will be worth it. But husband needs to know. It will be hard for both of you. Divorce WILL hurt the children. My daughter still want mom and dad back together and we are both remarried.

It is a HUGE guilt

Please work through it

I will be happier for it in the end. But it will tak work and a lot of time

Greg

Answer 5

I understand what you are going through. My husband and I are not clicking right now either, so I understand the feeling. All I can say to you is that if I were the spouse of either one of you, I would much rather you tell me that you did it because you fell in love with each other. Love is something that is hard to fight and harder to control. At least then, it is heart-led and not head or dik led.
You are getting from him what you are not getting at home. Your husband needs to understand that every affair has 3 people in it. The two that are married- which generally both play a role in it and the "other" person.

Answer 6

Nothing good can come from this kind of secret. You're hurting your husband, and he's hurting his wife, whether either of them know it or not. To make matters worse, when things go sour in your affair, you and he will both be hurting as a result of that too, with each of your spouses wondering why! Come clean with your spouses. Break it off, or mutually agree that you'll be sharing an open relationship (if that can work), At least this way, the air is clean, and guilt won't enter into any of the above relationships. Good luck!

Answer 7

If you are married and seeing another man it is cheating and against the law! You should be ashamed of yourself. Your vows meant nothing. You never should have gotten married if you didnt take the vows to heart! You need to get a divorce if you want to see other men and that man you are cheating with also needs to get a divorce if he wants to be with other women. Stop all the lying. It will only end up hurting you and your husband/family in the end. Dont tell him you cheated. Just either stop cheating or get divorced.

Answer 8

I think that you need to be careful and think about what your husband would do if he found out.How would you feel about him knowing?Would it ruin your marriage and if it did would an affair that was nothing but an affair really be worth it.Im saying this because i know from experience.The grass is always greener on the other side but once you get over there you want to go back and sometimes that cant happen.Good luck.

Answer 9

first of all why do u want to hurt your husband for ? and second if u do not want your husband u should told him before cheating on him and for the man u are dating he is a dog like all men are for cheating on they wives , i am so glad i do not have a man nomore that i am divorce b/c if i had a man and i find out that he was cheating on me i would kill him , u just get to get a divorce and the man too . it just sound like u and him are really mean to be together b/c u can't be faithful to your husband/ wife but any way good luck in the future with this guy

Answer 10

I personally think you both are very selfish, how would you feel if he was cheating on you? Soo you both are having fun! Have you thought about how many people your little bit of fun is going to hurt? Does he have kids ,does he love his wife? How many people need to be hurt before you have had enough fun? Why dont you people just leave the one your with instead of lying cheating and tearing up familys for a little sex? YOU BOTH SUCK.

Answer 11

I think that while it is fun right now, what happens if one of you falls for the other. It could get really complicated. It is difficult when one person loves another and the other does not feel the same way. Be careful...one of you might get really hurt.