Should married couple always sleep on the same bed ?

Question

I am recently married. After marriage, my wife moved into my house. We have slept on my queen size bed since then.

The problem is that I could not sleep very well if someone is around me. I wake up many time at night and feel drowsy at work everyday.

I try to convince my wife to sleep seperately. However, she feel very bad about my idea. and tell me that she is hurted .

What should I do? We just fresh couples, I really love my wife and don't want to hurt her. On the other hand, I feel my health is suffering because of lacking of good sleeps. Any marriage advice and medical advice?

Answer 1

I hate it if my husband falls asleep on the couch or isn't ready to go to bed when I am and I have to sleep alone. Maybe you could get a bigger bed or talk to the doctor about it, maybe you need some sleeping pills.

Answer 2

There is no straightforward answer to this question. It's something you and your wife have to work out so its best for both of you.

Of course, suddenly having someone in your bed IS a major adjustment. It could be you need some time just to adjust to the change.

I think a lot of people have the expectation that they will share a bed when they get married so it's understandable that your wife might be hurt with the idea that you don't want to share a bed with her. At the same time - your feelings are valid too and it's understandable that you can be frustrated with a lack of sleep. This is one of those situations where you are both right and you'll need to work out a compromise.

You could try talking to your doctor about the reasons you are having trouble sleeping. There could actually be a medical reason for this problem.

There is also a possibility that if you give it more time, your body will adjust to the change and this will become less and less of an issue for you.

When my husband and I got married I was sometimes a little frustrated that he is a cover hog and he prefers to watch TV in bed before going to sleep. He had to adjust to my snoring and the fact that my cats feel the need to share the bed with us. We both had to adjust, but now a year later it's all a part of our routine and we are used to it. Now, if he's not there I have a hard time falling asleep without him and I actually miss the sound of the TV and feel the need to turn it on.

Good luck. With some patience and understanding I think the two of you can work it out.

Answer 3

I have a similar problem. My wife talks in her sleep, cracks her knuckles and has RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). On top of all that, I'm a light sleeper.

We have a king size bed. This helps, as long as she doesn't roll over towards my side and snore (I typically wake her up when she does this). We have a fan that runs in the bedroom (which I really don't like) that does help with "white noise", to drown out some of the other stuff. Then again, there are some nights that are just awful where I'm drowsy all day. Probably once a week or so I sleep in the other bedroom to get a full night's restful sleep. But it is important to have that bond of being in the same bed, to sleep/wake up together and sex.

Answer 4

I had the same problem when I first got married. We only had a full so it was doubly hard to get used to having someone in the bed with me. I move around a lot when I sleep as does he so we woke each other up constantly. You get used to it after a while. At some point your body will get so exhausted from improper sleep habits you'll lay down, pass out, and suddenly it won't be a problem anymore. That's what happened with my husband and I.

Try some sleeping pills for the time being. The knock you out pretty well. Just don't get addicted.

Answer 5

I feel for you honey. Have you thought about buying a bigger bed. That might help put some space between the two of you with out putting you in separate rooms. I truly think that is a really bad idea. I promise that the sleeping with her will get better, you will get used to her being there and soon you will not be able to sleep without her. I went through the same thing. We got a temperpedic bed and it really helped. It will take time but it is worth it. I promise. Now when my man is out of town I sleep on his side of the bed because my side seems lonely. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Easy.

Get an eastern king. it is wider than a californian but shorter. also get a firmer mattress with a temperpedic mattress pad. that will make the bed soft but not bouncy.

I personally have Nikkin magnetic mattress. Super stiff but I love it. I can set a glass of something on the mattress and flop around and it will not spill.

I am 6'2 and my gf is 5'9. I need some space at night to sleep well too and this situation works great for me. She on the other hand feels she is a mile away in bed.

Oh well. I sleep like a baby.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I've been married for 14 years, we have a great relationship, are very happy together, have 2 wonderful children, have sex regularly...and sleep in seperate beds.

Like you, I have a very hard time sleeping if somebody else is in the same bed. After trying hard for 3 years, I finally just told my wife that if she wanted me to be ready for work and not tired all the time, we were going to have to sleep seperately. It's been 11 years now, and everything is fine.
Your wife is probably just worried that you'll lose intimacy if you do this -- make sure to make plenty of time to be together aside from sleep time, make sure you're affectionate and loving, and she'll come around to realise that it's OK. It sure has been for me. :)

Answer 8

I don't think there's a wrong way or a right way. But I assumed that most people, except maybe older married people on occasion, sleep in the same bed. My grandparents didn't because my grandfather snored so bad. But my husband snores, and I just smack him in the middle of the night.

Answer 9

You should try and get a bigger bed, that way you can sleep together and still have some space. I have trouble sleeping very close to another person but i like to have my husband in my bed in case i just feel like cuddleing up to him or something like that. I can understand why it would hurt a new bride, the beginning of a marriage should be passionate and intimate and asking to sleep separately would seem like pushing her away already.

Answer 10

Maybe you should look into finding out why you can't sleep next to someone. You can go to a psychologist who can help you figure out what is causing this phobia. Though you don't always have to sleep in the same bed as your wife, you do need to spend as much as possible. The marital bed is meant for the two of you. I used to have the same problem. At night I'd sneak downstairs to the couch, but it made my husband upset. He felt rejected. After going to a doctor, we found that I wasn't comfortable letting him see my faults. I had no clue to it. Turns out something as simple as not wanting your partner to hear you snore or fart in your sleep can cause your nights to go sour. Find out exactly why you can't sleep... there are people who can help you figure it out, and it does work. I can sleep peacefully now with my husband.