Can you give me advice concerning my 12 year old niece?

Question

The family has financial & marital problems. Then the baby boy of the family (4 yrs old) died suddenly. The big sister is turning grief inward. Tt only comes out as anger. She's very smart, but wouldn't turn in homework, so she went to summer school. Then she managed to get kicked out, so she will be repeating 6th grade. The parents love her but aren't very strict disciplenarians.

She doesn't exercise much.
The family doesn't eat right & kids get themselves snacks like chips & coke.
She sleeps all day & stays up all night.
She locks herself in her room all day.
She has hinted at suicide. We are treating this as a serious cry for help, but we think thats all it was.

Medication is NOT an option.

The family is Christian, so don't give trite anwers like "Put your faith in God." They are already doing that. They need HARD advice WITH DETAILS & WEBSITES. But Bible verses to support suggestions will carry a lot of weight with them.

Please include website

They are trying to find a councelor they can afford

The father is unrealistically opposed to medication. In the case of a 12 year old, I am cautious, too. The brain of a kid this age is going through so much change. Medication could help, but it could make things worse. Non-medical things should be tried first.

The little brother was an autistic child that drowned in Texas. She had resentments against him while he was alive (natural for siblings of autistic kids) now that adds guilt to grief.

Answer 1

I was thirteen and was hit hard with serious depression. I was hospitalized for it and was given medication and am back to normal. I had just turned 13. Hospitalization is an option, it helped me very much. I and my family are Christian, and while faith is neccesary, action also needs to be taken. Take the suicide hint seriously. Medication does need to be an option, and the parents need to be more strict. I really hope this helps.

Answer 2

Her parents need to take more control. Can you talk to your sibling who is the parent, or is your relationship not quite that frank? If you can, explain to them what you are seeing, and suggest that perhaps this girl needs some more structure and healthier habits for the sake of her proper development.
If they can't, or won't, make the necessary changes, then perhaps you can help out. Can you keep her on weekends to allow mom and dad to deal with their issues? Then, while she's with you, make sure she eats right, sleeps at normal hours, and interacts with you and your family, take her out for a bike ride or a walk in a park or something to get her moving (and talking). Let her learn how to live from your example, since she's not getting the right information from her parents.

Since they are a religious family and money is a problem, maybe they could talk to their pastor or priest. Perhaps he would be able to visit with your niece and offer some guidance, as well.

Good luck to you and your family, and I am sorry for the unfortunate loss of your nephew.

Answer 3

God bless that family. My son is autistic and I know how hard it must have hit them. Maybe they would be willing to try a sibling grief support group. I'm not big on medications either but sometimes we as parents have no other options.

Answer 4

She needs her parents to take control and give her some structure, support her through her grief but disapline her when she needs it, they need to show her some tough love and be strong in the way they do it. The bible says that if you spare the rod, you spoil the child. Maybe they could try to take an hour each day to just focus on her, showing her that she is precious and very loved, This is her way of saying she needs them, and feels she isn't getting that. I was once that girl.

Answer 5

She needs a talk. Tell her you are all sad about the death of the 4 year old but what would he want if he was still there? Make her go to bed early. The best answer may be medication, however, if she continues to hint at suicide. She may have depression.

Answer 6

Start with the school pyschologist or school counselor and make a referral immediately especially since she's hinted at suicide. They can also give the family ideas about outside counseling services. Also, check to see if you have any crisis numbers you can call in your state. Usually there are crisis phone numbers family members can call to receive advice and crisis numbers for kids and teens who need help. Good luck.

Answer 7

I'm 14, and if something like that ever happened to my brother...I would probably do the same thing. I dont know your niece so all I can say is...if it was me I would want to get out of the house/town/state! I know running away from your prblems is not helpful, but getting away for a while does help. Try a trip or soemthing far away from home! If this doesnt work then I hope you do find something to help you and her...Good Luck!

Answer 8

Bob Hoekstra has a ministry that is counseling God's way. Look him up on Internet - also other good website is thewayofthemaster.com

This child does not believe she is forgiven for the feelings she had for her brother before his death. She needs to forgive herself. Pray this helps

Answer 9

um clinical depression needs to be treated with medication you need to go to a doctor and a psychiatrist and get the girl medical help
this is not something she will snap out of or will just go away

God helps those who help themselves

Reverend PIck

Answer 10

she's a teen so she's gonna rebell expecally if the parents are hard on her..dealing with a death is only putting more presure on her.why don't they try dr robin smith. she works with oprah. they may help with financise to get this young girl the help she needs. it's worth a try and oprah helps thousands of people everyday.