Can anyone make me laugh? The best joke gets 10 points?

Answer 1

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his fly. The bartender looks up and says, "My God, doesn't that hurt." The pirate answers, " Arrrrgh, it's drivin' me nuts."

Answer 2

The Area Psychologist had Parents day and wanted to bring them up to date as to the progress their children were making...She began with Mrs. Smith and her daughter, the doctor says, " Mrs. Smith, you are completely obsessed with money". You only talk about how much anything is worth and you plan lavish parties to show off to neighbors and friends what money has got you...you even named your daughter, Penny"
Next Mrs. Jones and her daughter, the doctor again says " Mrs. Jones you have become obsessed with your lawn and landscaping and getting your flowers in just the right spot. Which shrub goes where and you have even named your Daughter the name ROSE!"

Mrs. Wood stood up and said, " This is all just ridiculous, come Peter, we are leaving!"

Answer 3

Knock Knock

Whose There

Little Boy Blew

Little Boy Blew Who?



MICHEAL JACKSON...haha

Answer 4

If there was a race held between Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and an Honest Politician who would win this race?

Gotcha; this is a trick question. We all know there is no such thing as an honest politician!!!!!

Answer 5

At his request, each morning 3-year-old Ray's mother pinned a bath towel to the back shoulders of his size two T-shirt. Immediately in his young imaginative mind, the towel became a magic blue and red cape. And he became Superman.


Outfitted each day in his "cape," Ray's days were packed with adventure and daring escapades. He was Superman.

This fact was clearly pointed out last fall when his mother enrolled him in kindergarten class. During the course of the interview, the teacher asked Ray his name.

"Superman," he answered politely and without hesitation.

The teacher smiled, cast an appreciative glance at his mother, and asked again, "Your real name, please."

Again, Ray answered, "Superman."

Realizing the situation demanded more authority, or maybe to hide amusement, the teacher closed her eyes for a moment, then in a stern voice said, "I will have to have your real name for my records." Sensing he'd have to play straight with the teacher, Ray slid his eyes around the room, hunched closer to her, and answered in a voice hushed with conspiracy, "Clark Kent."

Answer 6

What's the difference between a pitbull and a woman with pms?

Lipstick

Answer 7

i just love this conversation from the Simpsons. hope u'll like it.


Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room!!

Answer 8

Since this is in baseball - i'll try this one:

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?







Walk him and pitch to the Giraffe...

Answer 9

What did George Washington say to his men just before they went in the boat?







- "Men, get in the boat."

Answer 10

Best joke is this question being under "Baseball"